hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

I am so sorry, your boyfriend is a complete shit to not be there for baby whentiu ate at the hosital. Just awful.

You need to say ‘you need to come and look after your baby, and skip work.’
if he won’t I’d never ever want to se him again.

Your BF actually knew you had to be in the hospital with the 11 year old? I can't fathom a father who would go into work instead of looking after his baby when there was no adult around to do it. I'd be calling his work and telling him to leave to look after the baby and get his priorities straight.

I hope everything works out for you, OP. While it doesn't sound like it was ever an ideal situation, it must be a shock to realise he's this uninvested in you and your baby.

he doesn’t see his dad

Why are you using the word "partner" to describe someone who doesn't give a shit about you or about his child? You are not in any kind of partnership with him. At best he's a casual boyfriend. Realistically he should be an ex. Get him out of your life. His uncaring attitude will harm your children.

we have no family its just us i left to to go to the hospital because i was panicking and told him onthe way but he just said “hopefully ds(11yo) is okay” and then changed the subject about a house which ive already said no to i dont think us living together is the right time my 11yo is having enough change with new school and i just dont want to live with him right now tbh

If you move in with this pathetic excuse for a man, you’ll regret it. He’s so uninterested in being part of a family he hasn’t even asked where his own child is? And that’s all he can say when his girlfriend’s child is being rushed into hospital? Hopefully he’ll be ok, what do you think about this house I found for us? How do you think that’s going to work when he’s living with you? He’s unlikely to suddenly turn into father of the year now, is he? What the fuck is this pathetic excuse for a man bringing to the table? It’s not making your life easier and he clearly doesn’t give a shit about his own child, let alone yours, so I can only assume his penis is made of gold and he’s keeping you in Chanel handbags, because he doesn’t sound like he’s fit to be a partner.

How good a sleeper is the baby? Tbh my middle DD could have cared for a baby at 14. Unless your 17 year old says he isn't coping, it's fine. I think your boyfriend has badly let you down and his baby. Can your boyfriend get there in the morning? Are they setting you up a bed so you can get some sleep? You need to not let him make excuses. He needs to step up.

You post all the time about this hopeless relationship

Op does your BF think the two 17 year olds can cope?

Its dead easy on MN for people to say someone should loose a shift off work. Can your DP AFFORD to loose a shift of work?

Any friends you can call on OP? I’m not sure about a 17 year old looking after so many children including a young baby. Feels risky to me.

my baby isn’t a great sleeper tbh especially as i think hes teething which is another reason im concerned

bf seems to think eldest will be fine as he was drinking last night so his attitude is ig his old enough to drink kind of thing but i dont agree because looking after himself when drunk is a lot different to looking after a young baby and a 5 year old
i had him when i was 18 and even then i sometimes panicked when hed cry and it seemed to be for no reason

This babies dad prefers a hungover 17 yr old also in charge of a 14 and 5 yr old, be in charge of his teething baby than making the effort himself?

Why did you have a baby with Thai man?

@dinosaursroars i hope your son is ok and sorry you’re having such a difficult time.
Please speak to the medical/ nursing team ans explain the situation at home. You have a 7 month old who is currently being looked after by another child - and their friend. You’ve had no choice in the emergency situation of the seizure but you should really escalate this now.
I’m not sure what support they can offer you but I know some hospitals have big family rooms where they can accommodate other children. If nothing else they can try to make sure your son is prioritised to be seen and a decision re his care made quickly so you can make arrangements and perhaps offer a welfare check for the other children if you remain in hospital all night.

Yojur partner sounds utterly useless, immature and not a partner at all. He’s more interested in talking about moving in than the welfare of his 7 month old son and thinks if you’re old enough to look after yourself when you’re drunk you’re old enough to look after a baby! Is he doesn’t seem to care for your 5 year old etc. this isn’t someone you can depend or even someone who sounds like is adding much to your life right now if he has never spent time with his own baby alone in 7 months. Obviously tonight focus on your unwell child but longer term I would be considering this relationship.

Why doesn’t he live with you?
and why has he gone to work with all this going on!!!!

Yes you can - ED nurse.

He’s pretty much showing that he’s not going to to step up/doesn’t care. Do what you will with that.

All these kids and not a responsible father to any of them…..
you sound like you would be better off on your own!

what a shit show. Hope the hospital refer to safeguarding.

Sorry but have you entered an emergency department recently? I don’t think the ED nurse will be able to babysit for their shift. It’s already carnage is most EDs as it is with often basic triage / investigations and management delayed. Completely agree if other children are at risk this needs to be escalated and most likely emergency social services input would be required. OP has also stated her child has autism, so i suspect being in a hospital in general may be quite unsettling, let alone their mum ditching them with the ED nurse :/

Op, I would leave DS in hospital with excellent care and return home.
You need to have proper sleep yourself.
Reassess tomorrow after breakfast, after you, baby, 5 yo and other kids have caught up on sleep.
When you come in to visit DS tomorrow consider bringing the baby with you.

She IS, effectively, on her own.

With 4 children.

That's the problem.

I read this as a comment FROM an emergency department nurse, saying that you CAN leave a minor child alone in hospital.
Not that an ED would 'babysit' the OP's child so that OP could go home.

5 Children @Woodfiresareamazing2, 17 year old is still a child. Doubt he will still be living at home much longer when he's expected to parent her other children.

Go home to your baby @dinosaursroars

Does the teen understand about safe sleep? Concerned for the baby if they are in a sleep regression and so up lots

Can the teen get the baby to you in a taxi?