hospital and other children are at home and partner hasn't offered to help

[dinosaursroars]

currently in hospital with 11 year old ds and were probably going to be staying overnight

at home are my other children including my 7 month old with my eldest and his friend

my bf doesnt live with us he works shifts and is working g tonight but he knew before he started work and didnt tell them he couldnt go in or ask where baby was

im exhausted and have felt unwell myself for over a week and just exhausted so i may be just wrong for feeling like this but am I wrong to be annoying he didn't ask or offer to go to mine to look after the children or just help in sine way

It looks as though there is a 17 yo in charge, a 14 yo, an 11 yo in hospital, a 6 yo somewhere & a 7 mo baby.

Presumably the 17 yo friend has a home to go to as well. Your BF needs to come home and act like a responsible adult & parent.

Sorry , i though he was on a ward not in A and E .

why didn’t you ask him to come and collect the baby. Unfair to expect a 17yr old boy to care for such a young baby. He clearly doesn’t see it as his responsibility. No way i’d be moving in with him.

Not true. It is generally much better for a child if a familiar caring adult can stay with them, but there is no legal position to keep a parent there. It is possible to get a court order for the child to have to stay for treatment, but that is an utter nightmare that is hardly ever used, as it is so much better all round if you can negotiate a plan with the parents, but that may be what you're thinking of.

In this case, it really does sound like your 11 year old needs you, so you partner needs to step the fuck up and look after his baby.

The 17yo son and his friend are responsible for the baby and ‘other children’. That’s not okay. Sure 17yos can have babies but that’s not the point. Her son and his mate are not responsible for this baby and the other children’s safety and I can’t believe that with so many kids there isn’t a single other adult related to them who can’t be called upon, even if it’s a paid babysitter. The eldest son should not be a carer for all his siblings and the female friend is irrelevant really. If this baby’s dad is useless, does he not have parents who care about their grandchild and would help? Even social services would arrange something if there’s no adult around to care for an infant. That might give this deadbeat ‘dad’ a wake up call.

A 17yo could be the paid babysitter....

Why have you left your baby with your eldest rather than baby’s father? Surely it’s the father’s responsibility?

Could you go home and send your 17 year old to the hospital to be with your 11 year old? Just for overnight. So he’s helping but easier to sit with your 11 year old with docs & nurses around them than him being at home with a potential fussy baby all night.

my other children are 14 and 5 and theyre home with eldest too.

ds sent me a picture about an hour ago and baby was also on him and he said 5year old was awake but had agreed to go to bed after he had finished his film but he’s usually a fight to get to sleep because he constantly gets up and says he isn’t tired etc hopefully he’ll be easier to get to sleep with it being his terms

i’ve not said i dont want bf looking after baby where have i said that? i’m posting because im upset he chose work over our baby and yes hes not my older children’s dad but i thought he’d be willing to help especially with the talk of him saying he wants us to get a bigger place together e

Get your boyfriend to go and stay at your house and help look after his own child!

They’re under 18, in my Trust that wouldn’t be allowed.

Don’t ask him or beat around the bush. Tell him.

I don't think people on this thread understand how traumatic a hospital stay would be for an autistic child who usually suffers massively with changes of routine and anxiety. If it is an option I would have brought the baby with you or told your bf he has to look after his child.

I’ve no idea what that means. Clearly I mean a proper adult with childcare experience who knows how to care for a baby. A 17yo can’t and shouldn’t have to look after a baby and the rest of this brood whether you pay them or not. Im shocked that anyone thinks it’s fine to leave so many kids in that entirely foreseeable situation.

This isn’t some freak misfortune. There are plenty of chances for one of these kids to need to be accompanied somewhere urgently by a parent and for another adult to step in. For the OP to frame this as if it’s some minor cause to moan about her boyfriend not offering is mad. If you truly have no one else, then all the more reason to be direct and tell this dick to get to your house now and be the adult in charge. Or call an agency, whether paid pro or social care. It’s not about bunging tenners to teenagers.

where are all these kids dads? They need to take charge of their kids now. It is not the responsibility of a 17 year old to be doing any of this. They did not make or choose to have all these kids

Call your BF and tell him that he needs to leave work to care for his baby.

You must stay with your 11 yo. Your 17 yo has his hands full with the other 2. Your 5 yo should be in bed by now and hopefully your 14 yo is behaving himself to help the 17 yo.

You shouldn't need to but you should have said very clearly "I'm going to the hospital, you need to have baby overnight, call work and tell them it's a medical emergency".
What time does he finish? I'd also be tempted to call work and pass a message on that y o u won't be coming home so he needs to leave to look after the baby. So frikkin what if he's humiliated.

You need to ring your bf and tell him to come and look after the baby.

That's simply not true.

I do, my eldest has been hospitalized several times when youngest was a baby and I'd have been absolutely snookered if my husband hadn't been there with the baby. My heart goes out to op. There's no good answer though because even if he takes care of his baby there's a 5 yr old too.

Op where's the dads of the other kids? Could the 5 yr old go to HIS day for the night?

Your 17 year old sounds like a massive credit to you. You do really need to advocate for all your kids though by demanding that the person who calls you his partner acts like he’s part of a partnership instead of expecting another child to care for his baby.

Nonsense. They've only just gone into hospital which means they likely don't know what is wrong, may possibly be taking actions tonight that need parental consent, the 11 is likely to be scared. The "children" looking after baby are old enough to his parents so whisky it's utterly shit and I think the babys father is being an absolute dick, the baby isn't in actual danger. They have Google, worse case scenario. They'll manage for tonight

It's totally fair to be mad at your partner for not taking responsibility for his child or indeed offering to help you by also looking after the other kids

agree with others that you should ring him and tell him he needs to leave work to look after the baby - you shouldn't have to spell it out but at this point he's not suddenly going to catch on

I hope your 11 year old is doing okay

Please don't let your 17yo be in charge of a baby & 5yo. That's a lot to ask for, especially when there is another parent available.
Do the decent thing and either got home and sort your DC out or get your so called boyfriend to do so.

Honestly, I would leave the 11yo for a few hours. It's nighttime, he should rest/ sleep. Nothing major is going to happen. The staff are knowledgeable and able to look after hin for a short time.

Age and capability dependant. When my son was hospitalized I couldn't even pee without someone being there because he's trying to do something dangerous, or he'd freak out from anxiety. There were other parents on the ward able to go shower, make a cup of tea and leave their child with a play worker or nurse, even toddlers. I remember being in awe.

There was a little girl last time he was in about 7 and apart from a visit on the way to school drop offs she was alone all day. It was so sad.