Was my friend out of line?

[littleonesleepy]

I saw a friend yesterday who had been having an affair for about two months with a married man and he has now left his wife to be with her.
When he left his wife he moved straight in with her and they started to have the children every Sunday or she might have said Saturdays but one weekend day a week but this has been the arrangement for about 3 months now and the first the kids knew about her was visiting dad in her house when they split.
She doesn’t know the wife but has seen her when they pick the kids up although only from the car but she doesn’t have a good word to say about their mum.

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.
She then said that the kids mum was there as she expected but was unaware she was going too and she started saying how the mum seemed really sniffy about her being there.
I know she has a right to be there if she wanted but I couldn’t help thinking this poor woman’s just had her world blown apart and the OW brazenly just turns up out the blue at her children sports day and puts her down for what she describes as seemed sniffy about it and then scorned her more by saying she didn’t look happy about her being chatty with the other mum’s who I presume she would have felt uncomfortable standing with if she was, she is not a mum herself so wouldn’t have known any of these mums.

I am really surprised at the lack of empathy she has for the ex 3 months after an almost 20 year marriage.
Did she go too far going to sports day on her own?

I know it’s none of my business but the way she worded it as if I was meant to agree that the ex was pathetic for feeling uncomfortable she turned up and I just couldn’t see my friends point in berating her because how did she expect her to be? after all she knew she was going so was prepared to see her where it would have been a complete surprise for the mum to see her come along.
I didn’t recognise my friend, she seems to utterly hate the woman and almost resentful that she feels hurt.

You know that not everyone does that though… I know people who have been happily faithful for 40 plus years even though their relationships started in less than ideal circumstances.

I have no skin in the game but just because some famous person says something, doesn’t mean they are right in every instance.

People hide behind it so they don’t have to take responsibility for the breakdown of their marriage. And that’s fine - people don’t like facing up to their own behaviour.

But do you really think someone who is blissfully happy with their partner is going to cheat?

If it makes you and others feel better, keep clinging onto it - whatever works for you.

Agree and I would also question whether the children actually asked her to go or she invited herself.

I kind of agree - why would someone come on here full of moral outrage and invite a bunch of strangers to slag off a friend? Surely they would just disengage if their behaviour is that offensive.

This place makes me laugh - people have no issue with shoplifting, benefit fraud etc but some bloke leaves his wife for someone else and they lose their shit 🤣

Like others, I don’t think I could be friends with her. She sounds horrible.

I think the point is that some men will never be blissfully happy as you put it. They change women like cars. The side piece always thinks she’s the upgrade until he ‘up grades’ her. Women should really treat other women a lot better. Your soulmate is not married to another woman. I don’t know any happily married couples, I know couples that have stuck it out. I do however know lots of happily divorced women who wouldn’t get married again if you paid them. My ex husband has recently married one of the women he’s had on the go for some time. I breathed a huge sigh of relief, he was extremely hard to get rid of.

Nc for this. I had an affair with a married man, I ended it because of his daughter and his wife became ill, I couldn't deal with the guilt anymore. There's no way I'd ever get involved with a married man again now. Your friend is totally callous. Massive overstep on her part.

Bin 🗑️ her OP. She’s shown who she is and it’s not great. Brazen to turn up at the sports day. I wonder how she’ll cope if the DH wises up and tries to go back to his W. If that does happen hopefully that poor woman will tell him where to go. If she’s this vocal in the new relationship she’s also digging her own ‘relationship’ grave. The DH likely still has feelings on some level and/or hearing about his W of 20 years being left without a name when she’s the innocent party here is shameful.

She sounds absolutely vile.
I'd cut ties and get completely away from her and her poison.
Those poor children.

Your friend is a nasty little cunt! And no I'm not bitter, never been married or had a man leave me. But seriously, IT turned up to sports day knowing full well the heartbroken wife would be there, IT had absolutely no right to be there. I'm sure IT was dressed to impress too, just to rub salt into very open wounds! Vile and immature tramp! This is not someone I would be friends with, selfish, self absorbed me, me, me. I hope when she's raised kids and hits later years, she is blessed with the exact same experience or left wiping her beau's shitty arse for many years! Hate with a passion woman gloating on their crass behaviour like this.

She probably asked the kids if they'd like her to come, or just asked if she could come, and they were polite and said yes because they are 9 and 11. I highly doubt they suggested it. She sounds borderline unhinged.

How you get them is usually how you lose them so I hope your friend ends up in the same situ with this guy. Aside from that she is a nasty cow, why would you turn up at a school sports day; she isn’t the mum or dad and it doesn’t sound like it’s a long term relationship. She needs to stay away, how disrespectful to his ex wife. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like this.

The kids wanted her there after only three months and only seeing them once a week? Kids are generally smarter than that and would know she’s ’the other woman’. I can’t believe she’s integrated so smoothly.

No, she should not have been at sports day. She’s not been in the kids lives for long enough. She also only has what her partner says about his ex wife to go on. She shouldn’t be passing judgment on her at all.

She's taken over the husband and now wants to replace the wife in her own life.

Tell your friend to stay away from the children's mother and away from any place she will be. She is a calculating thief.

I could not stomach her as a friend.

She’s bang out of order and i’d have to tell her so. The poor ex having to deal all this, and poor kids as their father has a new woman immediately after he moves out. So confusing for them. I hope karma will sort this out. I couldn’t be friends with someone like this.

FFS. 🤦‍♀️ It’s obvious that the man is a blithering idiot, but the OW’s aggressive cruelty towards the mother of his children is a separate issue that we are discussing here.

We always hate the people we've wronged. They make us feel bad and guilty, and we don't like that, so we look for justifications. Your friend is trying to convince herself that none of suffering is her fault. "The wife deserved it! She's old and bitter and boring, so what did she expect? Even her own kids prefer me! I'm going to take her kids as well as her husband, that'll teach her. All the mums at sports day liked me better!"

The kids are really too small yet to have grasped the nature of the betrayal their father has perpetrated on their mother, but they'll understand it before they're much older.

Sorry I misread and voted in the wrong one! Your friend is horrible. I would’ve made an excuse not to go in her position but then I very much doubt I would’ve been having an affair with a married man to start either! Unless it’s a situation where someone doesn’t know or a couple is separated, it’s all around crummy behsviourbTBH.

I couldn’t stay friends with someone like this. She almost seems like she’s getting a thrill out of “stealing” this woman’s husband. Yes, I know that nobody can be stolen - hence the air quotes, but in her mind she’s thinking she’s won somehow.

I would end my friendship with her and would be telling her exactly why.

Thank you. I didn’t! It was spectacularly embarrassing in front of all the nursery friends and their parents who knew us through the divorce and then all the new friends and their families from the new school.
Although I had one very direct friend refuse to let her in to the room where the birthday cake and lunch was. So my ex stood outside with her while we all sang happy birthday.

I met someone like this through my daughter's school. She showed an astonishing lack of self-awareness, complaining about the fact her boyfriend's wife and his existing children didn't like her (after she fell pregnant while he was still married to and very much with his wife 😅). She also tried to play happy families and make out she was better than the wife.

I didn't know any of this until I was a first at her house with a bunch of other people (she openly started talking about it after a drink or two for some reason) so I wasn't openly rude but I thought she was absolutely batshit and awful and began avoiding her from then on. I don't expect I was alone! Tell your friend if she finds herself silently and inexplicably snubbed over the years, this may be why!

Very wise.

Your friend sounds exactly the same as my ex's wife. Slightly different, he was out on bail for domestic abuse when she started to date him (3 months after we went our seperate ways). She also did not have kids and was turning up with him (albeit several months later) to collect kid, she was at sports days, took my 1 out of 2 places for parents evenings (alongside him taking the 2nd place) and was at school shows etc. All her family became gran & granda, aunties, uncles & new cousins. She apparently couldn't understand "why we couldn't get on" whilst I had (and still have) and injunction on him. I was also expected to disappear as she was "a great mum" to my kid. I was labelled jealous and obsessed because I would point out the obvious of what was happening (trying to replace me as Mum) and years later I was completely alienated out of my kids life where they were asking kid to call her mum, putting down on documents that she was biological mum, I was removed as a main contact at school and wife was put in my place etc. Fast forward, kid (teenager) is now back with me and currently chooses to have no contact with either of them.

I suspect it may go the same way with your friend giving the similarties. I would cut her off. Wouldn't want to be friends with someone so awful.

I had a flatmate who was shagging her boss. He was senior at her work and was married with 3 kids one a baby. They both used to really slag the wife off and wish she was dead! It was awful.

Even worse I met the wife at an event. She was a perfectly nice normal woman. Never felt so uncomfortable in my life.

I am blown away at the amount of women who think nothing of having affairs with married men. I have very rarely seen men do this; in fact I can't think of a single example.

She had no right to go to school sports day

what a huge lack of judgement and awareness she has.

i dont think i could be friends with someone so selfish