Was my friend out of line?

[littleonesleepy]

I saw a friend yesterday who had been having an affair for about two months with a married man and he has now left his wife to be with her.
When he left his wife he moved straight in with her and they started to have the children every Sunday or she might have said Saturdays but one weekend day a week but this has been the arrangement for about 3 months now and the first the kids knew about her was visiting dad in her house when they split.
She doesn’t know the wife but has seen her when they pick the kids up although only from the car but she doesn’t have a good word to say about their mum.

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.
She then said that the kids mum was there as she expected but was unaware she was going too and she started saying how the mum seemed really sniffy about her being there.
I know she has a right to be there if she wanted but I couldn’t help thinking this poor woman’s just had her world blown apart and the OW brazenly just turns up out the blue at her children sports day and puts her down for what she describes as seemed sniffy about it and then scorned her more by saying she didn’t look happy about her being chatty with the other mum’s who I presume she would have felt uncomfortable standing with if she was, she is not a mum herself so wouldn’t have known any of these mums.

I am really surprised at the lack of empathy she has for the ex 3 months after an almost 20 year marriage.
Did she go too far going to sports day on her own?

I know it’s none of my business but the way she worded it as if I was meant to agree that the ex was pathetic for feeling uncomfortable she turned up and I just couldn’t see my friends point in berating her because how did she expect her to be? after all she knew she was going so was prepared to see her where it would have been a complete surprise for the mum to see her come along.
I didn’t recognise my friend, she seems to utterly hate the woman and almost resentful that she feels hurt.

Well I hope she marries him and he does the same to her!
attending sports day is outrageous

Your friend sounds a spiteful cow TBH!
I met DH several years after his divorce and I speak about his ex with compassion and kindness even though I don’t know the woman! But your friend blew this whole woman’s world apart and expects her to not be sniffy! She’s lucky his wife didn’t punch her lights out!

Your friend is spiteful & malicious

Assuming what she has told you is right, then you know full well very few people on here are going to say she is was reasonable.

On MN, shagging a married man ranks worse than murder!

What a aelfish pair of twats they are. I'd be telling her straight. The relationship won't last. She'll lose him the way she got him.

It's really horrible behaviour by both of them and to my mind a sign of vast immaturity and insecurity on hers. She's trying to insert herself aggressively where she has no business for some kind of ertsatz 'status'. Poor children and their mother.

I doubt that a man like this will turn out to be the prize she’s expecting.
It’s incredibly selfish.
Bloody awful for the wife, and confusing for the kids.

@littleonesleepy

Your friend is an absolute bitch and frankly I wouldn't want to be associated with her. I prefer my friends to be nice people.

Who is to 'blame' for the affair (ie single AF or married man) isn't the issue at this point, although sleeping with a married man is enough for me to end a friendship. The real issue now is that your friend is obviously incapable of any kind of sympathy or empathy.

Could be wrong. But your friend sounds pretty immature. I had a friend in this situation. To her, the man’s Wife was the Other Woman. The woman in the way, the woman who wanted more than she was entitled to, and who did not know her place now that my friend was with her estranged husband. If your friend can convince herself the mother of this man’s children is bitchy, scheming, greedy, bitter, lazy, whatever, then obviously Mr. Wonderful is well out of it and it’s all wifey’s fault. And she has a clean conscience. You might try to coax your friend into trying to see the wife’s point of view. It probably won’t change much, but it’s to your friend’s benefit to be civil and polite because, like it or not, the wife and the man have kids together and the wife will continue to be in the picture.

You either call her out and say you don't want to listen to her criticism of someone you don't know whose husband has just left her, or just start to drop as a friend. Her values and moral compass have changed direction.

She needs therapy! He does too. I couldn't be friends

After 3months she shouldn't even know his kids let alone go to their sports day

Misogyny?! Really?! Nasty cow is a polite term for what that woman is. Having an affair with a married man, who is also a father doesn’t just betray the wife, it betrays the kids. Changes their whole future. And to think she’s entitled to play step mum and berate the wife, wow. She is a disgusting woman.

Probably not - they are there one day at the weekend and will do 'fun things'. She has never had to make sure the kids have gone to bed on time, done their homework, eaten healthily. She will be dad's fun friend - but they won't see her as a mum

I Wonder if the ex-husband was maybe emotionally abusive.

Take away the affair, and any decent man would not think this is reasonable behaviour: to let the new girlfriend, who he's just left his wife for, go to Sports Day.

I even find it completely bizarre that the children go to his house every week so soon.

Id leave her to it she will soon be fed up being a mother and im sure he wont want anymore, i give it 6 more months

She's a vile immature bitch. She turned up to that sports day purely to piss off her new man's ex..she definitely wasnt wanted there by his kids she's probably seen them all of a handful of times since she moved in her affair partner. She shouldn't have met them at all at this point but she's turned up there purposely to antagonise the kids mum. She doesn't care about those kids at all and I bet if he stopped seeing them she would be happy about it

Of course now everyone is projecting and assigning motives and facts that they have no actual knowledge of.

OP, you don’t have to be friends with her, and I think it would do her a favour if you walked away, given how much spite you are inviting towards her on here.

Im sure you have seen enough of these threads to know the way they go.

Isn't the friend a bit old to be a pick me girl? Highly doubt that the children asked her to go to sports day - why would they? Daddy's new girlfriend has just blown up their lives and she is mean about their mum. The ex wife is entitled to her feelings about the new girlfriend, in her shoes, I certainly would have some very choice words for her. There's an old saying 'If they cheat with you, they'll. cheat on you' - me being petty, I would go low contact with the friend but stick around to enjoy the shadenfreude when it all goes very wrong!

That old saying is something that women tell themselves and each other to make them feel better. Of course some people are serial cheaters but many people go on to live an amazing life with their previous affair partner.

OP clearly loathes this woman so why continue the friendship?

Honestly I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. I was that ex whose world was blown up after 15 years of marriage with 5 children. 4 of which was at primary school. The only thing I requested was that she did not go to my children’s school. There was no need I had always done the school runs, my husband and kids dad never ever showed an interest in attending parents evenings nor school events like sports day so in essence that was my space. And for myself and the kids our world was turned upside down literally over night as honestly there was no signs we didn’t argue, we’re still going on dates etc. There were no signs. Which made it worse. I wasn’t respected but in all honesty it didn’t look good on them two by other parents nor the school. What I would say is I suspect just like my delightful ex husband he will have told your friend that they were not happy, the marriage was already failing or failed. Mine told his gf that we were already separated and just living separately in the same house for the sake of the kids …. Which couldn’t have been further than the truth 🤣. They ended up moving miles away because she couldn’t stand living in a town that knew what kind of person she was and him. She also had no children of her own and the novilty of playing happy families soon wore off which I suspect will happen to your friend when the reality of being a step parent creeps in. Sad thing is that wife will move on and will be much happier in time, but she will always be affected, 6 years later I’m over it never hated him, remarried to my soul mate with 2 more children but the disrespect lingers. Was actually the best thing that happened to me and the kids (they are nearly adults and teens and they agree) I even sent them both a thank you card 🤣 but it did cause lots of upset for the kids too. But the ex, he married her, he isn’t happy and the kids can see that and has told me he wishes he could go back because he wouldn’t have done what he did and his relationship with his kids did suffer.

She sounds selfish, nasty and amoral. Not qualities that make a good friend.

She has no business going to sports day...and has some gall berating the children's Mother!
You're friend...knowingly had an affair with a man that was married with a family...and it just shows the type of man he is too.
He'll do it to her as well..and she deserves it.

I’m wondering if she hates the wife because the husband has portrayed her as horrible but is only telling partial truths to make himself the victim? Is she being manipulated too? None of it is right but she may have been made to hate this woman, it makes it easier for the man.

Either way turning up to a sports day like that was wrong and your friend was wrong to have a go about the wife being unhappy about it. These are HER kids!

I would keep your distance for a good while tbh. It’s all going to blow up one day

I wouldn't want to be near such a person.
Move on OP.
She is awful.