Was my friend out of line?

[littleonesleepy]

I saw a friend yesterday who had been having an affair for about two months with a married man and he has now left his wife to be with her.
When he left his wife he moved straight in with her and they started to have the children every Sunday or she might have said Saturdays but one weekend day a week but this has been the arrangement for about 3 months now and the first the kids knew about her was visiting dad in her house when they split.
She doesn’t know the wife but has seen her when they pick the kids up although only from the car but she doesn’t have a good word to say about their mum.

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.
She then said that the kids mum was there as she expected but was unaware she was going too and she started saying how the mum seemed really sniffy about her being there.
I know she has a right to be there if she wanted but I couldn’t help thinking this poor woman’s just had her world blown apart and the OW brazenly just turns up out the blue at her children sports day and puts her down for what she describes as seemed sniffy about it and then scorned her more by saying she didn’t look happy about her being chatty with the other mum’s who I presume she would have felt uncomfortable standing with if she was, she is not a mum herself so wouldn’t have known any of these mums.

I am really surprised at the lack of empathy she has for the ex 3 months after an almost 20 year marriage.
Did she go too far going to sports day on her own?

I know it’s none of my business but the way she worded it as if I was meant to agree that the ex was pathetic for feeling uncomfortable she turned up and I just couldn’t see my friends point in berating her because how did she expect her to be? after all she knew she was going so was prepared to see her where it would have been a complete surprise for the mum to see her come along.
I didn’t recognise my friend, she seems to utterly hate the woman and almost resentful that she feels hurt.

Your friend is a nasty cow and I dont think id want to continue being friends with someone so callous. Did you tell her your thoughts about the sports day?

Your friend and her partner have remarkably, dangerously poor judgement. It’s the children who will suffer.

I would just stop speaking to her tbh.

She's going to find out what its like to be on the other side of this hurtful behaviour eventually. If he can cheat on his wife, the mother of his chikdren so easily then he isnt going to give a shit about cheating on her.

I would struggle to stay friend with someone so callous, and with such disregard for the children’s well being.

They’re ( husband and friend ) both morons. I think that’s the safest word I can use.

This is not someone I'd want to be friends with.

Your friend sounds horrid, a very unpleasant person. I’d give her a wide berth

Wow! I’d have to say something I’m afraid. That’s nasty behaviour. The ex wife has every right to be sniffy and it really wasn’t wise to attend the sports day. Drop her.

Is there any need for the misogyny?

Should she have told the kids she refused to come? Shouldn’t the father have stepped in and said it wasn’t appropriate?

Wow even when I was 17 and went out with a married man of 33 I felt really bad about what I was doing, obviously I was selfish enough not to stop and carried on. They didn't have kids. But looking back I feel so bad about the whole thing. You're friend is callous.

I did try to make her see things from a different perspective but she just couldn’t.
She slags her off so venomously and seems to think she should be happy for her husband to have found someone much younger and just quietly disappear now she’s had her moment.
They haven’t even started divorce proceedings and she’s already bitter that she should be entitled to anything form the marriage and brags that the kids love her because she’s not like her.

It’s not misogynistic to call out a bitch. SHE should have told the kids it was inappropriate. And she shouldn’t have gone.

The fact she DID go, and then has the cheek to slag off the mum’s reaction is disgusting.

Friendship would be over, for me.

I have been friends with her a while but I really don’t recognise this side of her and certainly I don’t know her anymore, the lack of empathy, even I feel sorry for the woman and I don’t know her.
I didn’t go along with her bitching and she seemed to think I didn’t understand. I don’t understand her sourness.

Honestly, I think she’s lost all perspective... if i have read this right ... of course the ex was going to feel uncomfortable seeing the woman her husband left her for casually turn up at Sports Day. Three months after a 20 year marriage, I’d expect a bit of empathy, not criticism because she wasn’t thrilled to see her.

I'd tell her that she's a poisonous bitch to her face and walk out of her life forever.

How could you possibly remain friends with such an utterly dreadful person??

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.

Bollocks they did. she's making out it's all happy families but I bet the kids loathe her.

What do you mean, she has a right to go the sports day of the kids whose family she has just destroyed? No, she didn’t. The other mums will have thought she was mental. I would’ve given her short shrift if she’d tried to strike up conversation with me as soon as I’d worked out who she was.

She sounds horrible and I couldn’t be friends with her. The poor kids, having to spend time with someone who is so cruel to their mother who will be heartbroken and grieving.

Your friend is demonising this poor ex whose life she has ruined. She has no moral compass whatsoever, she did not need to be at the sports day. Why on earth would the ex not be sniffy? She stole her husband, your friend is making this woman out to be a monster and hating her rather than dealing with her own feelings of guilt. The new parter is obviously a piece of a shit, but an even bigger one - sees his kids one weekend day a week, cant be bothered to go to sports day and now thinks its ok to send his affair partner where his ex wife will be.

I had a friend who got with someone elses boyfriend (no kids involved) and she made some awful comments about the girlfriend and when I challenged her it came from a place of jealousy. In your friends case it sounds a bit like that and her just being an unremitting bitch

This

If the sexes were reversed, would you be complaining about misandry? I very much doubt it.

I would stop being friends with this mate - you clearly have different values.

I have a few male friends who have left their wives for OW and when down the line they’ve tried to integrate the mistresses into our friend group / have us round for dinner i’ve always politely declined and just said politely but directly I can’t see us being friends as we clearly have vastly different values.

OP she obviously didn’t ’have a right’ to go to the kids sports day, she’s not a parent or guardian, weird of you to have that opinion. She sounds like a total cow though, I’d be ending the friendship there.

Maybe. Years 4 and 6? Presented as dad’s fun friend?

Years ago I remember going on holiday with a friend and her family. Halfway through the dad’s female ‘best friend’ showed up to stay for a few days and the mum disappeared into the office room of the holiday house for most of the rest of the trip to ‘work’ and the dad and the mate hung out with us and went on walks together etc. The friend was so fun we all loved her.

It was only YEARS later and after the parents got divorced I figured out what the setup was!

Time to drop this “friend.” Nasty, vile piece of work. Imagine turning up to the kids of an affair after 3 months of knowing them and not even accompanied by the partner - that’s disgusting. I couldn’t be friends with someone like that and they’d be getting an earful from me that’s for sure.

What are you going to do?

I think she means it’s a free country and if the kids wanted her there. I mean OF COURSE she should have said ‘sorry I can’t make it’.

Or not wrecked someone’s marriage in the first place.