Was my friend out of line?

[littleonesleepy]

I saw a friend yesterday who had been having an affair for about two months with a married man and he has now left his wife to be with her.
When he left his wife he moved straight in with her and they started to have the children every Sunday or she might have said Saturdays but one weekend day a week but this has been the arrangement for about 3 months now and the first the kids knew about her was visiting dad in her house when they split.
She doesn’t know the wife but has seen her when they pick the kids up although only from the car but she doesn’t have a good word to say about their mum.

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.
She then said that the kids mum was there as she expected but was unaware she was going too and she started saying how the mum seemed really sniffy about her being there.
I know she has a right to be there if she wanted but I couldn’t help thinking this poor woman’s just had her world blown apart and the OW brazenly just turns up out the blue at her children sports day and puts her down for what she describes as seemed sniffy about it and then scorned her more by saying she didn’t look happy about her being chatty with the other mum’s who I presume she would have felt uncomfortable standing with if she was, she is not a mum herself so wouldn’t have known any of these mums.

I am really surprised at the lack of empathy she has for the ex 3 months after an almost 20 year marriage.
Did she go too far going to sports day on her own?

I know it’s none of my business but the way she worded it as if I was meant to agree that the ex was pathetic for feeling uncomfortable she turned up and I just couldn’t see my friends point in berating her because how did she expect her to be? after all she knew she was going so was prepared to see her where it would have been a complete surprise for the mum to see her come along.
I didn’t recognise my friend, she seems to utterly hate the woman and almost resentful that she feels hurt.

your friend is awful.

I know affairs happen and marriages break down and it is terrible for the kids, but both her and her partner are rubbing the ex’s face in it. Neither are taking the children or their mother into consideration here.

I’d be almost certain that the kids didn’t ask her to go! The children are old enough to see what has gone on, okay they may not fully understand or know what’s happened, but I can’t see them being okay with their dad suddenly leaving and he now living with another woman. My mum had an affair and left my dad when I was 11 years old and let me tell you, I hated that man!

Your friend is an awful, awful person.

Misogyny? Jesus get your priorities right love! This woman is a piece of shit on the shoe of womanhood. I'd have nought to do with her.

What a skank. Dump her and before you do tell her what a disgusting human being she is.

Omg

The only way to not feel like they are terrible people is to convince themselves that the breakdown of the marriage was the wife’s fault and that she’s a woman not worthy of respect.

It’s usually a combination of a lot of factors and in real life most people are aware that nothing is black and white.

However nobody is automatically worthy of respect.

Bloody hell! Sounds horrendous. Poor you. Hope things are going well now for you 💐

I'm fine now,thank you

This was years ago and between now and then,both have tried to come snivelling back (one in person wanting a shag and a roof over his head and the other on fb-wanting me to apologise to her (!) for not handing over my baby as 'I'd have been a better mummy to name than you ever could have been!' and for being a nasty bitch to her at the time as 'i was a much better shag for ex's name than you ever where-why couldnt you have been happy for us?!')

She even tried to contact now adult dd and it's all my fault when dd told her to 'fuck off and stay well away from me and my siblings'

Deluded and something missing in the pair of them

He's been missing now for the last 12 years (walked down the street and vanished) and she moved away from our town when her enabler mum died

Your 'friend' most certainly is resentful that the wife is hurt. It reminds her she is a terrible person who has hurt a stranger who has never done her any harm in one of the worst possible ways. Your 'friend' feels guilty. But doesn't want to face the fact that she's a bad person who's done a bad thing and needs to keep thinking about herself as a 'good person' so she's demonised the wife. Men do this too. That's why men who leave women (not just wives but girlfriends, fiancées) will demonise the woman they once said they loved. They have to make her the bad person in their own personal narrative.

Basically your 'friend' is showing signs of being self-centred, impulsive, non-reflective and victim-blamey and these are deal breakers for friendship in my eyes.

And the ‘wronged woman’ will swear she did nothing to contribute to the situation and she saw nothing coming.

The children are the only ones who are 100% blameless.

Most people understand that not everything is down to ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and that there are often many shades of grey in a situation

Christ on a bike! They are both realm pieces of work, aren't they? You're well rid. They sound unhinged.

She was my ride or die friend

A second mum to my older dc and the first one to tell i was pregnant,the one who came with me shopping for bits for bubs and the one I rang to say I was I was in labour

She helped me in the aftermath of birth and she was the sister I never had

That's why it hurt more to find out she'd been shagging him since I first fell pregnant

She turned into a spiteful monster as soon as I found out-i still don't recognise the bitch she became

I know he fed her a load of lies but she knew me better than I knew myself and should have known better-she had this whole story in her head to justify what she did and is still clinging to it

He was a loser who was led by his cock

What actually dreadful and nasty thing to do - to turn up at sports day alone when the poor woman was unprepared and be gleeful that she was uncomfortable. Is there any part of her life that she can now feel safe in, even her children’s sports day? I couldn’t stay friends with someone who would relish someone else’s pain like that.

We are blaming the woman for turning up at sports day and for the nasty things she said about the ex, which is what this thread is about. That doesn’t mean he isn’t blamed for the things he did.

Not only stole a Husband but rubs SALT in .the wound...... I, personally, would distance myself as: who's Husband is next????????????. Once a HUSBAND STEALER, ALWAYS A HUSBAND STEALER........RUN !!!!!!!!!!