Was my friend out of line?

[littleonesleepy]

I saw a friend yesterday who had been having an affair for about two months with a married man and he has now left his wife to be with her.
When he left his wife he moved straight in with her and they started to have the children every Sunday or she might have said Saturdays but one weekend day a week but this has been the arrangement for about 3 months now and the first the kids knew about her was visiting dad in her house when they split.
She doesn’t know the wife but has seen her when they pick the kids up although only from the car but she doesn’t have a good word to say about their mum.

She told me she went to the kids school sports day because their dad was working and the kids who are in year 4 and 6 had asked her to.
She then said that the kids mum was there as she expected but was unaware she was going too and she started saying how the mum seemed really sniffy about her being there.
I know she has a right to be there if she wanted but I couldn’t help thinking this poor woman’s just had her world blown apart and the OW brazenly just turns up out the blue at her children sports day and puts her down for what she describes as seemed sniffy about it and then scorned her more by saying she didn’t look happy about her being chatty with the other mum’s who I presume she would have felt uncomfortable standing with if she was, she is not a mum herself so wouldn’t have known any of these mums.

I am really surprised at the lack of empathy she has for the ex 3 months after an almost 20 year marriage.
Did she go too far going to sports day on her own?

I know it’s none of my business but the way she worded it as if I was meant to agree that the ex was pathetic for feeling uncomfortable she turned up and I just couldn’t see my friends point in berating her because how did she expect her to be? after all she knew she was going so was prepared to see her where it would have been a complete surprise for the mum to see her come along.
I didn’t recognise my friend, she seems to utterly hate the woman and almost resentful that she feels hurt.

She sounds worse with every update. I'd be inclined to fade her out of my life TBH.

Op, sorry but have to agree with PP that your friend is a nasty selfish bitch. She has fallen for the twat husband's lies no doubt.

This has all been too much too soon, what sort of man moves in with another woman after seeing them for 2 months? Who then introduces their kids to that woman and asks her to attend sports day on his behalf?

The pair of them are disgusting. Your friend should not be attending school events even if the kids did ask her too (I doubt that though). She is rubbing the wife's nose in it. She is saying horrible things about her.

Hopefully the wife will have the last laugh, get rid of this waste of space with a decent divorce settlement, and be very happy, while the twat can marry your friend and start to cheat on her.

I would ditch the friend if it was me, but not everybody will ditch a friend in these circumstances.

Some people say don't blame the OW, she was single, however I do blame and judge OW because they make a choice to see a married man. A good person does not do that.

I have seen the damage done by affairs over and over, and the OW is not blameless.

Can anyone just rock up at sports day?
Id have thought this a matter for those with PR.
If parent objects the school can be informed. I'm not sure what they do if parents express opposite opinions. But they can't let random people in surely?
But what feels a bit weird is this not being an arrangement the parents have made. PR can't be delegated to the kids and they don't get to just get to invite anyone.

Couldn’t be friends with someone so selfish and completely unempathetic to the woman’s who’s life she has just blown apart.

Yeah, if I was the wife I would have informed the school that my husband’s affair partner had turned up on her own. Suggested that she was stalking my children & asked them to remove her.

Your 'friend' is such an mug, and a nasty one too.

Let's set aside the affair part for a moment.

Your 'friend', has only been with this man for two months, and he's already moved in and she is already taking his kids to a sports day???? What the actual fuck!?? 😂😂😂

Just imagine being the poor kids in that scenario - your Dad's OW, a woman who you had no idea about until about yesterday, who's inserted herself and broken your family life, is now taking you a sports day. On her side, she hasn't been in this relationship for 2 mins and she's already being required to be a free baby sitter.

I'm afraid you don't know her as well as you though you did. She's callous, and she will likely get her just desserts, eventually. It's just sad that other people will have to endue the pain as well in the process.

God, this is enraging. I don’t know any of these people and yet I feel like starting a crowd fund to get the wronged wife a Shit Hot Divorce Lawyer.

Agree but I wouldn’t be fading. I would message her that I didn’t want to continue the friendship due to very different values. Then block.

Agreed.
It was either presented to them as "you would like, wouldn't you, dad will be upset if you say no" or "dad can't come, so OW will come. I'm sure you'd like that" or they weren't asked and OW has either been told or wanted to believe it.

I don't know any child of any age who would have liked this in this situation.

Same!

Calling the mum "sniffy" and having a problem with her? She's lucky she didn't get smacked in the mouth at the sports day!

"Out of line" is quite the understatement. There is zero chance that she was there reluctantly because the kids wanted her there and they'd have been inconsolable if she wasn't. She was there to compete with this women and assert dominance.

There is something very wrong with your friend and I'd be dropping her immediately if I were you.

OP's friend should have said something like, no, your mum will be there. She sounds nasty tbh and also totally lacking in empathy. Also if you take someone else's DH it is quite likely he is the sort to meander off from you as well. She'll learn, perhaps. I don't think I would want her as a friend.

What a bitch.

Even if she has other good qualities, I'd struggle to remain friends with someone like her. How can you have a laugh with her anymore? Hang out with her, enjoy her company?

She knows what she has done, and her part in breaking up a family, and is completely unbothered about it.

Ack, pressed the wrong button! You are absolutely not being unreasonable. I think you should keep your distance. If she asks why tell her the truth.

Your friend had no business being at that sports day at all! She barely knows those kids! She is not family. It sounds like she's trying to steal them from the wife as well? She sounds absolutely horrible. What a nasty, heartless woman.

I doubt the kids even asked her to go. Given everything else in the OP it seems much more likely she just decided to go on her own, so she could make a big performance of it and undermine the mother.

Your friend has no "right" to attend the sports day of children she is not related to and has no parental responsibility for.She is not a parent to these children she has known for a few months . She has overstepped here she sound incredibly immature.
If very young kids asked her to attend sportday she should have said thats just for your parents.

She’s clearly living in a bubble. Personally, I wouldn’t be there for her when it bursts.

Shabby, very shabby.
You'd be well advised to cool your friendship (is it a friendship when your values don't align?) with her or you'll be expected to pick up the pieces when he does the same thing to her one day.

Sums it up
i’m not hardcore about punishing affairs forever, and accept nobody other than those directly involved know their specific situation

however there are casualties in all affairs, and anyone with an ounce of decency and dignity would not have attended.
school is their mum’s territory, to brazenly attend is incredibly cruel.
plus the children have been put in a position where they are being taught not to respect their mum, and could have been subjected to seeing their mum very distressed.

i could not be near your ‘friend’, she’s a wrongun

Add to that the OP appearing unbelievably morally clueless and they all sound like people you would want to avoid.

The friendship would be over. I'd be telling her just how vile an individual I thought she was and wished her luck for when he inevitably replaces her as well.

I would not be giving my time to people's who do things I just can't accept

I would not have her in my life anymore. She sounds vile.

Your friends a cunt and I don’t think I’d of had the self control to not tell her that.

Bitch, cow etc, highly misogynistic language.

They aren’t HER children, the father should have stepped in.