Upset by cousins boyfriend being invited to Christmas Day by my Mum

[Christmasinvite]

Firstly, apologies for the early C word.

I will try to keep this as concise as possible so not to ramble - looking for views on whether my Mum had been unreasonable here.

I am close to my aunt (DM’s sister) - she has one daughter (my cousin) who is similar in age to me. We spend most Christmas Day’s together - DM is hosting this year.

In June, my DA hosted a family get together/BBQ. I was meeting my cousins boyfriend for the first time. Whilst alone with him, he made two sexualised comments to me which were extremely offensive (basically insinuating I ‘get around’). He apologised the next day via my cousin, blaming alcohol (he’d had no more than 2/3 beers at that point).

I am upset to have been told by DM today that my cousin and her partner have been invited to spend Christmas Day with us. She’s aware what happened, but says the apology should have drawn a line under it. I have no wish to see that man again, especially at Christmas where he will no doubt be drinking again.

I feel like DM has taken the easy way out as she wants to avoid conflict. But I feel let down by her.

Hmm. Not sure I’d be keen to spend Christmas near him if it was me. I’d happily spend Christmas on my own though. You might not want to do that, and/or you might not want to deal with any fallout. If that’s the case then maybe give him a second chance but have an escape route so you can just up and leave if you want to. He sounds vile tbh, who TF says things like that to someone he has just met?!

Nomas I agree! Really pissed off that men "cant help themselves" or get carried away when an attractive young lady is near them! FFS why should OP have her Christmas spoilt by a loutish drunk?I cant believe the amount of posters saying just "chill" and no big deal!

And he was allowed to get away with that ?!

I would have walked out at that point, but that's me. I don't stay in situations where I have been insulted.

I’m sorry your mother has put you in quite a vulnerable position. I guess there’s a sliding scale of approaches, ranging from not going at all, to going and not saying a word, but there might be something in between. By the way, I think he’s disgusting and I don’t understand why your cousin is with this man. I suspect your cousin is sadly not the person you believed she was because this is surely the tip of the iceberg. Insist you’re seated away from him and leave early. I’m sorry your mother has turned a blind eye to this.

This is a good idea.
I wouldn't stick around to be insulted by that drunken Neanderthal.

Yuck. So it translates into your jealous insecure cousin put in a bad word about you to make sure he wasn’t attracted to you.
The pair of them are creepy.
If he is there for dinner ask him what made him think that you’d had a lot of dates? Who was feeding him this information, watch her squirm.

Yuck, I wouldn't be thrilled and I would consider it to be a big deal. I've been drunk loads of times and managed not to make creepy sexual comments to people.

Why on earth did your DM invite him when he said this? Surely he could go to his own family.

Fucking gross. Your cousin must have shite taste in men.

Maybe they're sick of his smutty remarks as well.

I would be upset and angry, too. In your shoes, I'd be having my own Christmas. Maybe travel to somewhere warm if I was able to.

That's disgusting. He can't blame the alcohol, he only had a couple of beers. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near him either and if something like that was said to my daughter, I wouldn't be hosting him on Christmas Day in my house, either. And he came out with that to someone he doesn't know, at a family event where he was meeting people for the first time?! I would hate to hear what he comes out with when he is comfortable.

His behaviour was not ok and he sounds like an idiot. However, for your family I would give him a second chance as he did apologise.
Anymore nonsense though and you feel free to give him a slap 😀

Yeah ….. that’s not ok.

You’re well within your rights to dig your heels in

Pretty much that.

He’s disgusting, i would have told him exactly what I thought of him. Were your children also there?

i would not spend Christmas anywhere where he is so would stay at home.

the only other thing I can think of is attend something else between now and Christmas that he’s at. If he does anything else again then your DM can then obviously uninvite him.

Well if he thought his intel was correct is it your cousin you also should be mad at ?

But is an apology via someone else really a genuine apology?

YANBU

This. Not every incident in life has to become a nuclear no contact situation, for goodness sake.

And one is one too many.

This is not a had-too-much-to-drink casual convo. He is a pig of a man, to the core of his character.

How gross. I’d also be telling my mum I wouldn’t be going. I’d rather be on my own with a good film/book.

Stay at home, have a bath, give yourself a bit of a pamper, eat food you love that the kids don't, go for a nice walk, have a few drinks and watch what you like on the telly.

Yanbu.
I would tell your mother straight that you will not be attending Christmas.
I would also thank her for clarifying to you where you stand.
I have zero tolerance in such situations and when people like your mother try to normalise it, I believe sending a clear, firm message is best.

I take no hostages in situations like this.