Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

My mum did this to me when I was 8

I have never forgiven her.

What to her was getting a few moments peace , was to me , a child, my mother abandoning me

Go home OP, deep breaths

Is there another adult at home, as 9 is young to he left alone. Although mine fight like crazy too. So i don't blame you for being upset. Maybe a family day out, as i find mine dont fight as much outside the home.

Are they home alone?

You need to head back. Sit them both down and explain this behaviour is impacting you and the family terribly and if they cant speak kindly to each other they must stay out of each others way for a while

Have you left them with another adult, at least?

Well unless they’ve got another adult at home with them then you probably need to go home.
Siblings bicker. I have known very few who don’t. Mine get on really well but still bicker about the most mundane, unimportant things. I felt better about it when I read that siblings bickering is an importation part of learning about conflict resolution for adulthood.
I only intervene if anyone else is being affected by it. Otherwise I tune out.

9 and 12 is fine to be left for half an hour while you gather what’s left of your patience OP. Summer holidays are a bastard and that’s a tricky age. Take a breather, maybe get a nice coffee and/or treat from a local shop, go home and sit in the car outside until you’ve decompressed. Then go in and sit them down for a talk about how their bickering impacts you and ask them if they can think of any ways to get along with each other for the next couple of weeks! You’ve got this mama.

And presuming you are otherwise a loving and present parent, they won’t be thinking you’ve abandoned them and aren’t coming back. They’ll hopefully be thinking oh shit, we’ve annoyed mum so much she’s going to be pissed off when she comes back, maybe we should stop being a pair of idiots. You’re only human and you’ve reached the end of your tether this morning. Breathe.

This.

Have a beather, calm yourself down and then go back in.

Mine are a few years older now but they bicker worse when there's a parent around to referee. They're much better on their own.

9 is old enough for a short time at home. Some walk home from school at that age and 12 is no issue.

They're also old enough to understand that their behaviour affects other people.

There is no set legal minimum age to leave a child home alone in the UK, but the law states it is an offense to leave a child if it places them at risk. Official guidelines from the NSPCC advise that children under 12 are rarely mature enough to cope with an emergency and should not be left alone for long periods

Go home! You are the adult, you can not behave like a child then expect your children to behave! It’s hard! We all know it’s hard and tough but you just put up with it because you decided to have children and children argue.

You’ve never forgiven her? Wow. I feel sorry for her.

It’s fine, OP, calm down and then go back and hopefully they will be suitably chagrined.

Do you have a hose? Maybe you can squirt them with that every time they argue.

You probably shouldn’t leave them alone too long though. Sorry you’re struggling. They do sound like hard work. Arguing over a face towel?!

They'll be fine. They need to learn that everyone has a breaking point.

I did this with my 2, sat in my car for half hour. When I got back they had stopped, they thought I'd gone to the shops 😆

They’ll live, may stop them being dicks for a while too.

NSPCC guidelines aren’t remotely based in reality.

I find it really triggering too. Mine are a little younger. Revisiting these resources today, maybe they might help you too. https://www.peacefulparenthappykids.com/guide/helping-siblings-get-along

Understandable OP! Treat them like toddlers because they’re acting like it. Star chart and sanctions.

Some OTT replies here.
A 9 and a 12 year old will be fine, if the 12 has a phone text them and say you are having a coffee/walk and will be back. And you want a conversation with both when you return about their behaviour to each other.
Then enjoy the coffee

OP's only around the corner. It's not a long period.

The NSPCC advice doesn't reflect the real world that there isn't easy access to childcare at secondary school. In the next weeks there are 11 year olds making their way to/ from their new schools, walking around, using public transport, looking after themselves until their parents are home from work.

Book yourself into the nearest hotel and put them up for adoption.

Im joking (have to spell it out in here as it’s full of plebs)

Seriously they’ll be reet. Are they the type of children you can sit and talk to and they listen ?
You need to set some boundaries. For now I’d go back and talk firmly about consequences.

That sounds quite extreme from you.

also ops kids are older and there are two of them, she’s around the corner.

Thanks for the responses, very helpful.

no other adult at home, which is why I feel bad enough about it to post on here. I have called their dad to let him know so there’s no panic if they call him, which they haven’t.

i plan to wait until the 30 mins have passed and then I’ll go back.

i have spoken to them so many times about how much of an atmosphere it causes within our family, but it’s in one ear and out the other as soon as one of them breathes in the others direction.

I had my own key from the start of secondary and was home alone from 3-5.30. Nobody melted. Take the time and then if they won't stop send them to separate rooms with a different time to come out for lunch.

it happens, family dynamics, they will argue again, you will get cross again etc.

be grateful they are generally happy and well and go again.