Just walked out on kids

[patiencehasgone]

Just that, really.

9 and 12 years old. Constantly fucking bickering.

Do not listened to me when I ask them to stop. Or listen full stop really.

They started arguing over a fucking face towel, so I said ‘nope, not having this be my life’ grabbed my bag and keys, got in my car and have driven round the corner and parked up.

not really sure what I do from here really.

😂😂😂😂😂

So do I plus a whole host of further safer guarding training.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/advice-for-families/home-alone/#legal

here is the document you so incorrectly stated says about 14.

read it. learn it.

then learn to type fact as fact.

But what you actually have said is that if children are terrified they should stop being children just in case the adult scream shout slams the doors locks them in and displays abusive behaviour.

Because children again aren't adults... Do any of you genuinely have children who only need to be told something once, and they will never, ever do it again for the duration of the rest of their childhood? Please tell me how you managed that?

You're picking apart my words instead of the op's actions and you're a terrible person.

Why do people on all kinds of threads get a kick out of interpreting legislation/guidelines/'the LAW' badly in order to scare and frighten posters and to draw parallels between situations being posted about and extreme circumstances that are not the same. Who is going to call the police on the OP? A neighbour who has the house under surveillance and knows for a fact that no other adult is at home?? Come on now.

I do the kcsie training every year too and if a child mentioned this had happened the most likely outcome would be a phone call home, which would be logged, and nothing further. Obviously if there were other concerns/issues it would be different.

Sometimes a short sharp shock helps. Sometimes as a parent you need a breather.

child no.1 (about 11?) was being particularly annoying on a car journey. I got out, got her out. Frogmarched her half a mile to where my DW had driven.

Now 40. She's fine, probably remembers it. Gets on well with siblings.

I did this to my kids when they were the same age as yours. I drove around the neighbourhood for 40 mins had my phone with me so not like they couldn’t contact me and when I got back they were both sat watching telly eating crisps. Don’t worry about it op, im sure the vast majority of mums have done the exact same thing as you more than once.

First of all you need to calm down.

Ive literally stated its a framework of guidelines and there is no age given in law when it comes to a child being left alone and I’ve said why. I’ve also never stated that any of my comments relieve the parent from overall responsibility when the child is under 18 and in the care of an older child.

Smugitty Smugface would be a label I would wear with pride tbh.

I quite fancy the idea of an "I'm Smuggity Smugface" t -shirt!

I walk away from my (disabled) son all of the time. Last night I locked myself in the bathroom while he shouted the word “showerrrrr” through the door at me.

Sometimes, we just need a fucking minute. It’s for the own good, you’re a human with emotions and sometimes you just need some space before you self combust.

This idea that being a parent means you’re suddenly devoid of human emotion and your patience should have no limits is insane.

I would however stay at home and avoid them temporarily there - for safety reasons, but other than that - you get yourself some space.

Is the younger one a girl? There's been sisters murdered under these circumstances, by their teen brother.

OP, you did the right thing.
Bickering is awful.

Kindly meant but perhaps you are too gentle.

My mother ordered us into the garden, away from her ears when bickering started.
I actually think it was a great ploy.
It definitely got us to cop on.

Also I have found doing a strict plain ingredients only shop, no treats whatsoever, plain simple dinners, only fruit, was the worst punishment in this house when my children were younger.

I'm usually very good for buying stuff they like so "mum did a bad shop" was a clear sign that they needed to buck up.

Try it. One plain shop and when they ask tell them treats are fueling bad behaviour so I am going to cut them out and see if behaviour improves.
Wait for the squeals of denial!

I’m not trying to frighten anyone. In fact I said it’s the up to the parents discretion in most cases. What is peculiar though is a load of cheerleaders on this thread congratulating a parent for getting so overwhelmed that they leave the home in their car to teach their kids a lesson. That’s really odd and probably indicative of just how much stress everyone is under right now.

What did you do to make her walk out?

Well quite. I’ve been known to go and sit in the car on the driveway or go in the garden and fume in the summerhouse. I’m not driving away though, that’s entirely different.

Summer holidays are long and intense, particularly when it’s been boiling hot, money is tight and the kids are arguing. I think it’s been hard on many of us.

Summer holidays are long and they’ve no doubt had enough of each other (as have you of them!) it’s all understandable.

My eldest two were bickering non stop yesterday and, whilst I understand all the posters saying to separate them, what actually worked was this:

I said I couldn’t trust them to be without me so they had to both stay with me the whole time. So they sat on the floor of my room while I did my hair and make up. Followed me to the bathroom when I washed my hands. Followed me from room to room while I put laundry away. Trust me when I say after 10 min of this they were begging to be allowed to prove they could get along 😂

Good luck OP and I think you did the right thing. We all need a break sometimes.

I will quote what you typed that’s still here for all to see

”you cannot leave a younger child in the care of an older child until they are 14”

You wrote that.

You typed that actual literal rubbish.

Because it’s not true.

You quoted the guidelines (not law’) I linked to that doesn’t even mention 14 years of age. It’s 16. Not even the 18 you’re now trying to claim.

Just admit you disagree with OPs actions (absolutely your prerogative ) and then tried to back it up by falsely claiming laws and guidance that doesn’t exist.

That unfortunately many of us here know is untrue as we work in this field.

Above poster is right. If a child told us this we’d ring home and log on CPOMs.

Then you know that no law has been broken.
It was a short time.
No harm was incurred.
No harm was likely to be caused.
The children are of an age where it is normal to build up periods of independence in and out of the home.

Was it ideal? No. But a frustrated mum removing herself is better than staying in the situation and potentially losing more control of her emotions.

She's gone back and calmly addressed the situation, and more pragmatically than she would have done by staying stressed.

Well done OP.
They need to grow the hell up. Arguing about a flannel is pathetic. No treats or fun today. They are in charge of helping you.

If you were old enough to understand your mums actions were wrong enough in order to never forgive your mum for walking out, then you were old enough to understand why she did it imo. You showed enough logic and comprehension skills. And yet you both didn't change your behaviour despite being terrified.

Honestly, terrified children don't tend to keep doing the same thing over and over. A small child being bitten by a dog, for example, tends to be frightened and keep away from dogs in the future.

If your mum's behaviour was always screaming, shouting, locking you in alone etc then yes, it could be something more, but you never said any of that in your original post.

😂
Yes I have adult children who have all grown to be well adjusted individuals finding their way in the world and people who meet them frequently tell me they are a credit to me so there.
Also I never terrified my DC so yes of course i would go over the same boundaries time and again that's parenting.
What I actually said was that if you terrify (again not my word) a person, large or small, heck even an animal they will avoid the thing that caused the terrifying experience. It's how anxiety and phobia starts, Its how the brain works in order to protect itself.

Go back obviously.

I didn’t leave them alone to teach them a lesson, I left because I could not deal with it for a moment longer.

I’m also not taking the comments as a ‘congratulations - there’s a mother of the decade award winging its way to you’ , more of a - ‘well done for stepping away’ because whilst I am at the end of my rope I am mentally well. I am a total stranger to everyone here, no one knows my mental state, and it could just as easily descended in to something much more abusive.

Couldn't you have gone into the back garden to cool down? I get the needing to walk away, it's the driving away in the car I feel uncomfortable with (my son is slightly younger than your youngest, maybe if he was older I'd see it less of a problem).

The fact that nothing happened in the half an hour the OP left the house is irrelevant. Kids have done all sorts of silly shit in five minutes of being alone. Everyone has to make their own decisions though and I’m hoping that this might be a kind of wake up call that the OPs not coping, and maybe she needs to take some more time out for herself or sign one of the kids up to a club.

Just cheerleading a parent for downing tools and walking out isn’t really the solution though. I’ve done a few online parenting courses and they were helpful. They can be arranged through the local family support worker which is organised through the council.

I’m not saying she shouldn’t leave them hone alone whilst she pops to the shops! I’m saying don’t storm out like a child! If my kids stormed out of a room in a mood I’d call them out on their behaviour!

I don’t think you were being unreasonable at all. Sometimes removing yourself from a situation for a short while when you’re overwhelmed is far better than staying there until you completely lose your temper. You recognised you’d reached your limit, took yourself away for a bit, calmed down and then went home.
You didn’t abandon your kids — you drove round the corner because you needed a few minutes away from the constant arguing. Parents are human too, and sometimes you just need to remove yourself from the situation.