Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

I think if the teenager says something then just be honest and say that you don’t really like it when they make fun of your height but haven’t said anything because you didn’t want to make it a thing.

Teenager will likely not take the piss out of you for your height because you’ve addressed it properly and pleasantly. I dare say they’ll even mention it to some of the others and you’ll hear less of it

Normaly I would take the high ground, but 10 years, family, I think I would say something. "10 years on and you're still making fun of me, bullying me because of my appearance. You saying you're only joking but I feel hurt and seperated from the pack each time. I have put up with this behavior from you all because I'm a nice person and we're family. I'm not going to be mean back to you, teasing you about your appearance. I'm simply going to pull back from any of you who continue to do this, and that saddens me.". It's a mouthful, so needs a good editing, but allows you to keep your dignity and is direct without stopping to that level.

I wouldn’t stop going to events if you otherwise enjoy them, I’d go on the offensive and put a stop to it. Think of the culprits and something about their physical appearance they are likely to feel sensitive about - weight is always a good one, big nose… whatever will work. Then next time for a first offence I would say ‘please don’t make fun of my height, I don’t like it’. Second offence would be ‘Ive asked you not to make fun of my height, if you don’t stop then how about I make fun of your (eg) big nose? Then if again, make a pre-prepared cruel joke (your fridge one was perfect so you can clearly think on your feet too). If they complain, ‘I know, I hate it too when people make rude remarks but you won’t stop so all I can do is reciprocate. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out!’

When these ppl are so rude(not their kids), I would not hold back and make it very clear once and for all , it is not acceptable, not funny and if they continue going forward you will see it as they are deliberately trying to be unpleasant to you. Your DH should back you up everytime ignoring it makes him complicit. Good luck hope it clears up.

Tell them every time they make the joke that only stupid people make jokes about height. Say god what must it be like to be so stupid, can't imagine being so stupid, etc, etc, call them out but in a jokey way just please respond with a come back every time they say something. It is not funny, I can imagine how it makes you feel but how being a nice person means you don't want to respond in kind but you need to make them understand how stupid they are!!!

I understand this OP. I am 6ft1 and get lots of comments about my height. It's tiring.

My adult son is 5ft 5 and if any of my family joked about his height I would not have them in my house again.

Forgive me but that doesn’t sound ‘harmless’.

It’s probably the nuclear option but a few replies of ‘ok fatty’, ‘yes, I’m still short lard arse’, ‘who ate all the pies?’ and ‘how strong is the suspension in your car?’. My guess is that these people can dish it out but can’t take similar ‘banter’ in return!

My mother's go-to always has been "Yes I'm short... so was Napoleon."

I DARE YOU

Just fight fire with fire:

Haha, you’re so right, Fat Arse
Couldn't have said it better myself, baldy
You’re so funny, Big Nose
Brave words, Tombstone Teeth
At least it means I’m not in the firing line of your bad breath
You look like Cher - Shergar
Your bum looks like it’s always chewing your knickers.

Frankly the next time they crack a joke at your expense - call them out on it. Then when they say "I didn't mean it like that" crack a joke back about being overweight. When they object say "I didn't mean it like that". Rinse and repeat until they stop.

And if a niece or nephew is that rude a beady eyed stare and then something along the lines of - "I want to be kind and give you a hint - making jokes about people;s appearance is actually not something that is considered polite or appropriate in adult society despite what you may have observed in your own family and I'm doing you a favour by suggesting you learn to stop now before you are in big trouble at uni or work. "

I think I’m related to @Gardenisablooming 😂 I come from a long line on midgets ( am I allowed to say that?) Fuck off cunt was one of my 4’10” Aunties favourite sayings.

But ultimately my response would be “o just fuck off will you” “ I think you need some new fucking lines” “ grow the fuck up” “change the fucking record” and so on. I don’t normally swear when in any form of confrontation (ex conflict management) but I would absolutely just loose it with this, my ex used to think it was funny to take the piss out of my height, it’s ridiculous and they need to grow up.

My sister is very tall, if people commented on her height she‘d make a comment about their appearance. She didn’t mind if she upset people who annoyed her.

I once had a boyfriend at school who kept making height jokes. I wasn't at all sensitive, 5' 3 is nothing unusual at all, but he just kept on and on and it was very dull. I snapped eventually and he admitted it was because he was self conscious about his own rapid growth spurt making the difference between us obvious, he was very much the tall lanky beanpole typical of teenage boys. That was the beginning of the end for the relationship tbh!

In your position @butterfly245 as it is so entrenched and your views have been ignored for so long, I'd treat them the same as my misbehaving children. You've hit your sister one too many times, one more and we go home from exciting party, they hit and off we go.
Tell them as you go in, after the hellos, 'Now I'd just like to mention something to everybody. For years there's been a running joke about my height, and it's always been something I don't find funny. I've had enough, it's not kind to keep making jokes at my expense and so I'm making it absolutely clear to everyone that I do not want jokes about my height. I'll be leaving if I hear something as I really am very serious about this and my polite requests have been ignored in the past. Ok? Now, DH, I'm just going to get the trifle in the fridge.. '

My exH’s parents used to do this too. And whenever my ex MIL commented on someone being attractive she’d add that they were tall. His eventual affair partner was very tall 🤣🙄

I love this. My MIL is not even 5ft and she makes her own jokes about being short, I never thought to make some about her tho! It kinda…er…isn’t that funny?! These people really need to get some different jokes. I love what this poster has written, joke back at them for things they can’t change either!

I’m 5ft on a good day, I get the jokes all the time too but I find it funny and laugh along.

I know I’m not there to witness it, but I assume they mean no harm? I usually find it playful and a sign of affection

Im 5 foot 3 and told im tiny so this doesnt surprise me. Its boring though.

Excellent riposte.

I'll remember this one.

There was a time when I put on weight and every time I went to see them my mother remarked on it. My sister also chipped in. I told them if the personal remarks continued I would no longer visit. My mother's response was that as my mother she had a right to say what she liked in her own house. I told her that's fine. I will not come to your house again. The following year I went to live in another city and they barely saw me after that.

You reap what you sow.

How about “Are we making fun of everyone’s physical appearance? I mean fair is fair, I accept my height with good grace, and other people could also get a haircut or lose weight as an example, if I were to comment on their style or suggested they were a fatso!”

As they're overweight next time they make a comment about your height I'd reply with something like "well chubby cheeks just as well your other half is a chubby chaser and keep making similar comments about any flaws they have.

Are they like this with everyone or are they just bullying you? I am the same height and I hate shit like this. I’d make them uncomfortable. “If I wasn’t short, what would you bully me about instead?”