Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

They all sound a bit… thick. Like if your height amuses them this much they’ve been talking about it for literally years, their sense of humour is very basic. Do they find Mrs Brown’s Boys hilarious?

The only reasonable way to approach this issue is to go to the next family gathering prepared to do a ‘Quickfire Roast of DH’s family’ in the style of Michael Scott from the Office US. Please give it a watch if you haven’t!!

Joking aside, they sound very boring.

After a decade of bullying (and it is definitely bullying), it is very much time for the devil approach @butterfly245 - I would absolutely go for their deepest insecurities (ETA: within reason - no childhood trauma type stuff, there is a line…somewhere)

They sound childish and rude. They are deflecting from their own lack of self esteem. Tell them not to make personal remarks - tell them you don’t comment on their appearance . How rude

I’m quite short too, 5ft 1 and I get teased about it all the time. I get called ‘tidge’ or ‘shortarse’ and it doesn’t bother me at all. But then it’s said by people who I know really love me. If it’s said in a bullying way then of course it’s awful. But is it more a case of them not understanding how much it bothers you?

Tell them you don't have a problem, your legs reach the ground and that's all that matters so can they cut out the not so funny wisecracks or you might start pointing out their shortcomings - serioulsy, no pun intended.

and you tolerate this?

no its a case of their being bullies.

no its not, that's descending to their level.

It’s a joke….. hence ‘joking aside’.

I’d expect my husband to tell his relatives ‘she’s not keen on coming because nearly every time she sees you someone upsets her by making her feel awful about her height. It’s been going on for years from lots of you.’ They need to have a shock. Telling them gently didn’t stop them.

"The best things come in small packages. Diamonds are smaller than bricks."

Are they all tall?!
No female in our family is over 5ft 4, most are between 4ft 11-5ft 2 the only person who comments on my height is my son as he’s taller than me now.
I find it odd that they keep remarking on it tbh, I would just say to them it’s getting really old now and it’s not funny…

the entire family repeatedly making ‘jokes’ about one persons physical appearance for a decade isn’t banter or ‘just a joke’ - it’s bullying - especially as OP has married into the family and as the outsider she’s the one being bullied.
how do they treat you otherwise OP?
if I was you I would maybe go - ask them to stop in response to every comment when it all starts up - and if they don’t then I probably wouldn’t attend another event after that

I’m honestly torn op.

I’m 5ft. I also have a big knobbly nose. Both have been commented on sometimes on a daily basis since I was at secondary school.

I personally find all the jokes quite funny and just roll with it. Not attending an event because of it sounds alien to me.

@butterfly245 Can you send out a group message about "Let us please be good role models to our children and let's not comment on people's physiques. Our children need to know that it's not OK to mock someone because they are short/fat/ugly etc."

Some people don't mind being called fat or ugly either. Most of us don't like it though. Especially when it's repeated every single time even though the OP has made clear she doesn't like it. That's called bullying.

Not great, we don’t argue but my birthday tends to get ignored by SIL and she makes very little effort with my kids. Get on ok with parents
they're not exceptionally tall but very overweight.

Something like this?

‘I don’t point out your fat belly FIL or MILs ugly face so I’d prefer you didn’t constantly belittle me due to my height’.

Be mean back. They’ll get arsey but they won’t do it again. You’re not even that short - loads of women are 5ft.

They are appallingly rude.
You are dead right to just want to be in such rude company. The end.

Should your nephew you make any remark, tell him this is MY house and I won't tolerate rude personal remarks about my appearance.
And mean it.

Stick to not seeing them.
It sounds like a win to me.

Tell them strong poison comes in small bottles and after 10 years of it you’re sick of all the comments now, and if they continue to do it, you will be picking on them in return.

I would open with, "Did you mean to be so rude, or are you just ignorant?" and follow up with, "I have already spoken to you, and now realise that this will be the last time we will converse, until you apologise to me."

That should soften their cough... and I am 5' 2".

Or just look them slowly up and down and say ‘Well, nobody’s perfect are they?’

Do you or DH have a family group chat with these people? I would send a message along the lines of:

Hi all, I know over the years making jokes about my height has become a bit of a pastime with you all, but I find it very hurtful and would be grateful if you would stop. There is no need to respond to this message, I hope I have been clear. Thanks, Butterfly