Avoid In-laws because of jokes about my appearance

[butterfly245]

I have always been short, which my in-laws have always found hilarious. Whenever I see them there are comments on my heights, comparing me to the children, jokes etc etc. sometimes I laugh it off, sometimes I roll my eyes, but on a couple of occasions I have actually made it clear I don’t find it funny. One family member once asked me if I mind it and when I said I didn’t like it they stopped. The others haven’t (the children now join in).

I didn’t go to the last family occasion because I’m getting tired of it (it’s been over 10 years). I told DH and said I was happy for him to go and to take the kids too, but he said he didn’t want to (it’s a 2 hour drive and they’re not particularly close). When he told his SIL (just said we couldn’t come) she expressed some disappointment. We have one of the kids (teenager) coming to visit soon and I don’t know how to respond if any comments come up.

I’d love some advice on how to handle future comments. AIBU to be irritated to the point of avoiding them or should I get a thicker skin?

My unpleasant sister in law once asked me a personal question in front of all the family. I brushed it off then replied back with a personal question on a subject she avoids. It shut her up. 🤣
Next time they make a rude comment, reply back with something like "better to be short than overweight/rude/unpleasant..."etc

You don't need a tougher skin, they all need to stop being cunts. I would continue not see them. They need to learn, let them be disappointed for as long as it takes.

I say this as someone with short in laws - DP's dad is 5ft 5 and mum and sisters all 4ft 11 - I am 5ft 7 and must weigh twice as much as his dad. I think they're pretty teeny and I imagine they think I'm a chubby giant but we keep it to ourselves as we're not cunts.

What a nasty bunch of bullies. MIL can be similar. I took it for the first 10 years, then dished it back.

Just say it’s funny how genetics can work and they must unfortunately have the fat gene

OP with respect you need to find the balls otherwise this won’t stop. They clearly find these same tired and worn comments hilarious time after time, at your expense and you need to stop them in their tracks - with shock tactics if necessary.

You don’t need to say very much. ‘Fuck Off’ is one option - short, sweet and gets your point across without fuss. The other option is to confront them and ask them what they find so funny about your height. Tell them that you can do nothing about your height but there’s a lot they can do about being rude, ignorant and offensive twats, and that until they do, you don’t want to be anywhere near them !!

Absolutely this. I wouldn’t stand for it at all tbh, but definitely not in my own home. And I was wondering about DH. OP says he get annoyed but why isn’t he doing anything to support her ?

I am just touching 5'1. No one has ever done this to me. How tall are they? I have friends who are six footers and we laugh at us being short AND tall but not in a nasty way, when we are together. And only now and then as it does become a boring joke after a while. They sound like awful people. Has this teenager who is coming to visit also joined in?

You need to call them out on it, ‘BIL why are you making a joke of my personal appearance, I find it very rude, and I wouldn’t do the same to you’. You can then adapt it if you want to ‘I wouldn’t do the same to you regarding your massive nose, balding hair, bad teeth, short legs, bad breath, unfortunate hair cut, terrible dress sense etc’.

It's pathetic and rude.

If you don’t want to actually call them rude you could turn it round to them anyway. You could ask, ‘ you seem very preoccupied with my appearance, is that because you’re worried about yours? What is it? Is there a problem? We should talk it through?’

Or actually ask them in a neutral manner, ‘sorry I didn’t catch that, what was that comment?’ People don’t always want to repeat rude remarks. If they do repeat ask what about my height is so amusing to you? And then just let them squirm (hopefully). If they don’t back down then you could bring out the big guns and say, I’ve always found it’s a bit rude to talk about people’s appearance. I’m sure you wouldn’t want me to critique things about you.

My FIL always used to pull my leg in an unkind manner. When he died and my brother in law tried it I’d had enough. I just said to him it was bad enough when Jim did it I’m not going to take from you now. It stopped!

I would have asked exactly how they did mean it, if not as how you took it. You need to hold their feet to the fire and make them explain why they find this so hilarious despite knowing that it’s at your expense every single time, that it’s fucking tiresome and you don’t like it. Mature adults have mostly left humour like this behind a long time ago at the school gates - ask them why they haven’t.

How or why is that relevant ?

I'm 5 ft nearly 1 inch ! I would just say thanks I can wear heels but you can't fix rude and ugly can you . Nobody has ever commented on my height my nan was 4 ft 10 my mum 4 ft 11 . Hubby and both kids are 6 footers

It’s really not is it ? They sound insufferable.

Jeez they wouldn't know where to start in my family, we range from.4 "10 to 5"3.

Your dh needs to deal with this. Now.

OP’s in laws is that you?

Don't stoop to their level

Take the moral high ground

If you laugh along, they may not realise how strongly you feel. So you need to make it v clear

"I find it upsetting when you tease me about my height. Please can you stop doing that?" Say this every single time

If they say "Oh it's just a joke", you reply "Well I don't find it funny. It upsets me". Every single time

And if they persist, stop socialising with them and let them know that's the reason

Maybe next time they try it, look them up and down very carefully and say, 'If you don't understand why I don't find this funny, but find it tiresome and insulting, are you okay if I start making endless comments about your physical appearance? Can I make a comment about you every time you make a comment about me?'

If they are overweight, I bet that would shut them up. I had a friend who started mocking the size of my boobs, so I made a comment about her crooked tooth. She was so upset and outraged, but I pointed out, it's not one rule for her and one for me. She stopped mocking me then.

Next time they do it, give them a long hard stare, to the point it becomes awkward, then say, very matter of factly, “ I’m going to ask you this one last time, please stop commenting about my height, it upsets me. If it happens again I’ll walk out”

Don't engage with any “oh it’s just a joke comments” and make sure if they do it again, you walk out. Bet you only have to do it once.

DH needs to tell them that you don’t want to come because you feel targeted by their “ jokes “ about your height. Has he pointed this out before? You’ve said that the one you mentioned it to has stopped, but is it possible that the others don’t realise it’s an issue? Maybe they are the sort of people who talk to each other like this.

This sounds like my family this is how we show love we take the piss out of each other. But if you're upset by it and they know this then its not ok

But they’re not showing love by taking the piss out of each other here are they? They’re being really shitty to one person and there seem to have been several half hearted attempts to stop it. And somehow, one of them has been invited to the family home where they might have another go.

And others who are saying ‘yes I’m also five feet tall, my friends and I love to take the piss out of each other too’ - that is not like OPs situation at all.

if it was me I would be a stern adult with the children, tell them that the jokes are not funny and ask them how they would like it if the way they look was made fun of. With the adults, I'd lose my shit big time and then say the next "joke" would see me leave and that would be that. Plain fact is that they are bullies.

I also wanted to know how tall OP was because I was thinking not much bigger than a Polly pocket with 10 years worth of “jokes” about it. To discover I’m only a little bit taller knocked the wind out my sails.

10 years rehashing a short joke. How dull.

Ad another small person, I don’t think it is an odd thing to get worked up about. People think they’re free to comment on height all the time - why do people think it’s funny?? Family, friends and strangers do it to me all the time and it’s boring and wearing. Wonder how it would go down if you picked on someone or poked fun at someone for their skin colour, or if they were fat or thin, or bald - that would go down like a lead balloon, why is height any different - they’re all characteristics. I feel your pain OP, I’d be fuming and would need to read the riot act.