So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

It’s a 10 minute walk. It’s not late. She’s 14. You are overreacting

Children are mollycoddled today. People will say it’s different now. Yes, it’s far safer than back in the day. You have phones now and easily contactable

Completely agree with this. Anything can happen in 10 minutes at 10 at night. The sky is practically black by then. Sunset is just before 8.30pm! Too many risks. I would never let my DC go to that house again if I were you @fumingrightnow1

YANBU at all OP. I would not be allowing my daughter to go to this girl's house again if I were you. It's shameful the way some parents don't give a shit about their children. Seriously, if you are a parent of a teenage girl (or younger than teen) and you're OK with her walking alone at 10 at night when it's pitch black, (even for 10 minutes!) have a word with yourself!

Of course it's not safer now, than 'back in the day,' what a ludicrous comment!

And I would rather children were mollycoddled than neglected.

A woman near me who doesn't give a shit about her kids didn't bother wondering were her SEVEN year old daughter was until it was getting dark - 9pm - sunset was 8.45pm. The little girl had been out since midday. She is seven!

Turned out she was moving about between the houses of 4 or 5 other children for those 9 hours and staying an hour or two at each one. Stupid mother didn't have a clue where she was, and simply said 'about fucking time' when she came in at 9.35pm. She had walked from this one girl's house (who is 10) at 9.20-9.25pm, when it was dark. 15 minutes walk. At 9.30pm. On her own!

The mum didn't give a shit...

No way would I have let an upset teen leave my house at 10pm to walk home, possibly not be able to get inside or have supervision. She didn't check if you were home or if your teen had a key.

Hopefully it is the end of the friendship but likely not.

I don't think you'll get anywhere with the mum. She sees things differently to you and won't change her mind. My mum would have behaved like this, no question and I have memories of other parents phoning in similar situations or worse, my mum just got angrier with me and then forgot about it.

I would not let your dd stay there again.

I have read the thread thanks, and I still stand by my assertion that there are some areas which are far safer to walk in than others, and the OP may well have very good reasons for why she has decided that her teenager walking alone at 10ps is ill-advised in the particular area she lives.

I would wipe the floor with any child of mine who thought it was okay to treat a friend like that.
And, I'd either offer an alternate sleeping arrangement, call the friend's parents, plus make sure the friend got home okay.

Of course it is. There is CCTV and doorbell cameras everywhere, for a start, plus everyone carries a mobile phone.

At 14 - do you have teenagers? Unless your child has gone up to secondary w their primary school friends or you happen to know the parents, this is very common. You don’t know the parents.

But yes, I’d not particularly want my 14 year old walking home in the dark at 10pm. I can see why she just wanted to leave and may have risk assessed the situation herself.

Awful for your DD but she obviously also should have called rather than walking alone in the dark… And yes the mother should have offered a lift, maybe she’d had a wine or two though and couldn’t?

Remember you’re only hearing one side of the story. The mum could have offered to call you and your daughter say no. If it’s the end of the friendship, messaging the mum will put a nail in that coffin.

rememer the op knows absolutely nothing about the other mother. Maybe she has babies asleep and she’s a single mother, maybe she’d had a drink and was over the limit.
i would have spoken to your dd about what she wanted me to do if I was that parent, but I think this is mostly on your dd. She should have called you.

Class WhatsApp groups at high school??!!

Maybe things have changed since my kids left 3 years ago...

For people saying why don't I let my 14 year old walk home alone at 10pm in the dark, I don't even walk alone at night its not safe where I live. No I don't have the mums contact details apart from the address they have known each other since start of secondary school and had plenty of sleepovers they both have their own phones for me and other mum to contact them so didn't seem necessary although I will do this in the future. I will be having a proper sit down with my dd when she gets up about actually calling me and what to do if this situation happens again.

I would have ensured I had the mother’s phone number before the sleepover, that’s just a basic requirement.
As you don’t let your daughter out at that time of night, she knows she should have called you so I think that’s on her. Also she’s old enough to not ‘storm out’ of someone’s house at 10pm, I bet the other mother didn’t appreciate that and will also be happy if the friendship comes to an end.

That does not mean it's safer for children, or safe to let a young teen walk home alone at 10 at night

Im suprised how many people let their children walk home alone at 10pm in the dark.

No she's still in bed

That's an extreme example. 14 is not the same as 7. At 14 you would expect them to have developed some more independence and be able to navigate this situation. It is not the same as a younger child. I think you have to give teens some autonomy or I don't think they'll be equipped going into adulthood. Obviously it does depend on the maturity of the child. I speak from my own experience as my own children are not teenagers yet. Maybe I'll feel differently when I have teenagers.