So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

I have teens. They didn't even go to the same secondary as their primary friends so I didn't know any of the parents.
Whenever they asked for a sleepover at a friend's I would ask for the friends parents number and check with the parents directly

That's normal responsible parenting surely?

I am staggered when children come for a sleepover here and the parents don't make any attempt to contact me

I agree, the other mum probably wasn't aware. Still not a nice situation and as a parent who is hosting a sleepover you'd probably want to be sure everyone is safe and more or less under control.

Some very weird replies on here, I don’t know anyone who lets their 14 year old daughters walk around or walk home at night I certainly didn’t and still wouldn’t like it and my dds are in their mid twenties now and we don’t even live in a city we live in a quite ‘safe’ area not like me when I was growing up in London. I used to do it because I was born in 1976 and times were different however my parents still picked me up at times.

I'm by no means a helicopter parent and with friendships I try and encourage even my 8 year old to manage her own friendships. However I think if she had a friend over who was sufficiently distressed that she was about to leave the house late at night and angry and upset I would have offered her a cuppa and made sure she was ok and able to get home safely before she left my house whether she was 14 or 24 tbh. 14 is an inbetween age where different parents will have different ideas about the level of supervision required but I also would be refusing to allow my child over to another parent's house to sleep over without both sets of parents having each other's number. I don't think YABU OP

I'm even more surprised that you regularly allow your child to sleep elsewhere and you don't even know the parents or have their phone number.

But the mother and her DD could walk home with the friend so she wasn't alone.

I don't believe the mum didn't know. She had already heard them arguing. Surely you would hear someone walking down the stairs and out the door. Like I said previously neither girl is quiet.

On the contrary, it discourages awful things from happening in the first place, because there is a much greater risk of detection.

This is clearly a mistake i have made. I always know the address and have my dd mobile to contact her on so I didn't think it was necessary.

Sorry op but i’m not sure you can direct so much anger with the mum about not notifying you of te issue if you didn’t feel it was important to ever give her your number in the first place.

What if something happened and she needed to contact you? What if they both told you they were staying at each others houses and were not? You have been far too laid back and I hope this wakes you up.

Its just not how i would of dealt with the situation I would of stepped in and tried to defuse the situation and if I couldn't I would of took friend home and if I couldn't I would of got friend to call her mum. I wouldn't just sit back why my dd screamed at someone to get out her house.

Not necessarily no. And if she had realized - how could she contact you if you hadn't given her your number?

@fumingrightnow1 has concerns about what happened between her daughter and friend, her daughter leaving the house and her 10 minute walk home on her own. Some replies have been dismissive and have tried to minimise those concerns.
The other parent was aware there was a disagreement, would or should have been aware very quickly that OPs daughter had left the house and should have attempted to ensure she had returned home safely.
The OP is right to be upset but having a disagreement with the other Mum is not the answer. Nothing will be achieved other than the other parent getting defensive. Better to set clear boundaries with her own daughter and have clear communication about what is acceptable.
Not everyone lives in areas where it is safe for a 14 year old to be walking alone in the dark at 10pm.

It's a good example of how some parents don't give a fluff about their children though.

She could contact me through my dd phone or come to my house

No because her daughter didnt contact her and OP hadnt bothered to seek clarification of the details of the parent her daughter was staying with

The mum might not have bothered at all to engage with OP,w ho knows. But it doesnt sound like there was any dialogue between them at all about the sleepover.

Huh?? It was the girls arguing wasn't it?. You make it sound as if it was the parents having a huge row

I‘m really surprised by some of these comments. I live in a nice area but I wouldn’t let someone else’s child walk home alone at 10pm. The other woman was in loco parentiis. She was legally responsible for OPs daughter. To just shrug and let her leave is pretty bloody outrageous. And reading some of these responses I’m shocked that so many people don’t give a shit about obligations for children. I despair.

Yes because nothing terrible ever happens now since we got ring doorbell, it’s made the world a safe place finally 🙄

Not if your DD had already stormed out. And how do you know she knows where you live?

Because she's dropped and picked her daughter up from my house before just like i have from hers.

It doesn't sound like either parent cared.

That it, until one young teen arrived home unexpectedly.

Surely it depends where you live. Around here absolutely fine