So angry what is wrong with some parents

[fumingrightnow1]

My dd14 was supposed to be sleeping at a friend's tonight. They have had an argument and she said let's just leave it and go to sleep her friend told her she had to leave so she's walked home and just come in the door at gone 10pm. I can't believe the mum didn't step in and do anything or let me know and I would've got her. I've said to dd why didn't you call me but she just shrugged and said she was fine walking and didn't want to stand outside waiting for me. Its about a 10 minute walk. I don't let her out on her own at this time of night. As a parent i would have stepped in and can't believe this other mum did nothing.

A few things here. 14yo dd needs a chat tomorrow when emotions are more on the level about walking home in this situation or not etc. Your rules. Make a plan for the future etc.
The other parent should have made sure your dd got home safely. I for sure would not allow or be comfortable with any 14yo just walking out of my house unplanned at 10pm.
The issue here isn't whether 10pm is fine or not as some posters say thier 14yos do this but that ultimately if op dd never made it home for some reason tonight, op would have gone to bed tonight assuming dd was in bed at mates house and it would be some time tomorrow morning before anyone was aware something untoward had happened. Those that say thier 14yos walk home absolutely fine at this time, I assume are expecting thier dc to put in an appearance at home before 11pm??

It is very concerning, both the mum and her DD, clearly not giving a toss about your DD! Is it at least still a bit light at 10 pm?

Concerning. I would not want any child to walk home alone in dark.
Instruct your DD to phone her parents, phone a taxi or ask the other parent for a lift.

Exchange phone numbers and addresses with your DD's friend's parents.

Make a point of phoning the other girl tomorrow to ask for her mother's phone number. Phone the mother and tell her your DD arrived home safe but in future you both need to communicate if the girls are walking home alone.

Not enough eye rolls in the world for this comment

It sounds like you and Other Mum thought the girls were old and sensible enough to organise a sleepover, which you both assumed would be drama-free, hence not having each others phone numbers.

Given that, surely you would expect your DD to text or call you if she wanted to leave? I can completely understand a 14 year old being so full of whatever the row was about to not think about calling you tbh, but the responsibility was hers.

Glad she's home safe and sound, but you do need to set out your expectations re: contact with you in future.

If other mum knew your DD had left, she should have got your dad's number from her DD and called/texted you, but it's not clear that she knew

Your daughter has come back very emotional and you are 100% taking her interpretation as gospel. Just pause and wait for this morning before chatting properly.

You describe your daughter not being a “quiet or calm” person. Would I be right in thinking maybe your daughter is not backward about being forward when it comes to high drama?

This is why I always refused my DD going to sleepovers unless I knew the parent and had their phone number...

Did the other mum definitely know? That’s the only thing I can think of. There’s no way I’d allow a young girl or boy to walk home alone at night if that happened in my house.

I’d be annoyed at my child for not calling me on the phone I provided and walking home knowing I wouldn’t let her.

Not the other mum.

I’d be annoyed but also very concerned as to why they chose not to

So you don’t have the mother’s phone number? I’m guessing she doesn’t have yours then either? How was she supposed to contact you?
Yes she could have dropped DD home but maybe she had younger children she couldn’t leave, maybe she’d had a glass of wine? Maybe despite the argument she didn’t actually know DD had left? I think you need to be having words with DD that she should have phoned to be collected.

I would be annoyed too . The adult should have rang you or encouraged your dd to ring you first a lift. The friend essentially threw your dd out. Don’t be surprised if they do make up though.
i would get mums side but unless she says your dd stormed past and refused to stay/ring you. I would be clear I was unimpressed. I’d also speak to your dd and be clear she needs to ring you.

She’s home, she’s safe. It is likely the friends parents don’t even know she left. If the girls are known for being dramatic I would have just ignored them and let them work it out.

I would be having words with DD about not even letting you know she was walking home.

This is on your DD not the friends parents.

I’m shocked at some of these answers. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted my child to be walking in the dark alone.

Everyone appalled that OP didn't know the mum's contact details - do you not have teenagers yet? Once your kids get to high school, you very rarely know the parents of their friends. There's no play dates to arrange, no school runs, it really is a step back and a big change from primary. Some of you might find this a bit of a shock!

When i was 14 I used to walk home late in the dark by myself and was fine? It wasn't a big deal back then. My parents never seemed to mind either. I wonder if this generation are becoming much less independent. 14 isn't the same as 8/9. It was only a 10 minute walk. At that age I don't see why the parents should be getting involved.

But your daughter walked off?

Im also puzzled at how your child is sleeping at someone elses house and you havent spokent to the parent in the home to check, confirm, clarify, agree.

Is this what happens now, kids are just at someones house and you 'dont know her that well but I'll see if I can find her on facebook'

I think you need to look at your own parenting.

How long does it take to be grabbed or attacked?

Not long in daylight or dusk.

A 10 min walk for a 14 year old is fine. I was doing that from friends houses, getting the bus home as well at that time.

However, OP has her own standards so thats for her to decide. Although she also thinks its fine to have her child stay at someones house and she has no contact details from.

Presumably your parents knew you were doing that though? The OP didn’t even know her DD was coming home and wasn’t expecting her until morning…

She’s 14 and you let her stay at a strangers house that you didn’t even have contact details for.

I would not be worried about the walk home, the mother might have offered a lift and your daughter said no? I’d be more worried that she is sleeping somewhere else and you don’t even know them well enough. This is a lot more unsafe than a walk home.

You are the parent who took a chance with your child’s safety.

These type of threads always descend into everyone trying to show what cool relaxed parents they are. It doesn’t matter whether other people would let their own 14 year olds walk home at 10pm, all that matters here is that this particular child is not allowed. We have absolutely no idea of the type of area the OP lives in. We used to live in a really dodgy area and I wouldn’t walk alone at 10pm myself let alone let my teenage daughter do so. Not everyone is fortunate enough to live in a safe area!

Don’t exaggerate. Actually read the thread maybe before making sweeping statements?

You invariably have their contact details from class what app groups

Fair enough but you don’t just shrug and say ‘oh a sleepover, how lovely, off you go!’ That’s insane. They could be anywhere.