AIBU to refuse doing stepchildren’s handover because husband is working late?

[LarryParker]

Husband shares custody with his ex of their two children (13 and 16). They have always worked this where he collects them from hers at the start of his time and she collects them from ours at the start of hers. We live what should be about a 20 min drive from each other.

My husband works longer hours on the day that their mum collects them from ours to cover the time he works slightly shorter hours while they are here. Meaning they usually get home from school (obviously not at the moment) and wait for their mum to get here on her way home from work, usually about half 5ish.

Husband's ex had a baby 2 months ago and she has said she wants DH to drop the kids off with her now so she doesn't have to keep bringing baby out to get them. He is working until later that day so wants me to do it.

I've said no. AIBU?

For context around my no .. I work full time, have a young child of my own who I want to get home and spend time with before it's bath and bed and am just tired and admittedly can't be bothered with another trip out in the opposite direction when I get home. There are also roadworks going on a lot round us at the moment so what should be a 20 min drive each way can sometimes take 40+ minutes.

AIBU to say if DH can't do the drop back to mums then his ex will just have to bring the baby out to do them? Her partner doesn't live with her, although I believe he is moving in at some point when they find a bigger house in case anyone wonders why he isn't being asked.

Is there not an option for them to make their way to her directly from school ?
At 13 and 16, that is what I'd be suggesting.

Helping out as a one off, or in the first few days / couple of weeks when the baby was born is one thing, but this sounds as if you are talking about a regular, on-going commitment ?

How do they get to school in the mornings ?

Can DH not drop them off later when he finishes work?

So she doesn't want to come out with er child, but your husband expects you to do this? It's her responsibility to fetch the children. Can they get a taxi? Your husband needs to liaise with her.

YANBU. DH can drop them off after work or they can make their own way to their mums'.

Yeah just let them make their own way home or DH can take them later. It’s no big deal.

Just say no, for the reasons you stated. It’s one thing helping out occasionally, but as a permanent arrangement, it’s for the parents to sort.

Agree with others, they can get a bus or other transport

Unless you are very rural, they can get a bus. Even if you are very rural, drop them off at the nearest bus stop.

they old enough to get the bus home to their mom’s.

YANBU. The children are old enough to navigate public transport. Alternatively, your DH and his ex will need to rejig their schedule to do pick up/drop off later, or even on a different day. Either way this is not your responsibility.

No chance that I would do that. There are plenty of other options and if she doesn't like them, she can just bring the baby. Not your problem.

Yanbu. It’s their mum’s problem to sort out, not yours. She shouldn’t have had another baby if she can’t manage having three kids and presumably she is on maternity leave
so going out of the house at 5pm is hardly a major problem.

They should be able to make their own way or organise an uber for the time being. Nobody is being unreasonable really.

So kids get the bus etc or dh takes them when he finishes work. Ex had 2 month old id agree to some flex for next 6 months

Why doesn’t she just collect them straight from school? Or earlier in the day if during the holidays?

Uber?

Just because she's chosen to have a new baby, doesn't mean she can drop her responsibilities with her existing children.

She will have to bring the baby out.

Can't get my head round both mum and dad moving on with new partners and new children and then treating their own kids like an inconvenience

I’d agree to do it for a few months. We all know those early baby months are hard, and it’s good for the older children to feel that all the adults in their lives have their backs.

This sounds like a problem for the parents to solve - public transport, he drops them later, she comes earlier if she’s on maternity leave anyway... Three options without trying hard, I’m sure there are more. Poor kids are really seeing where they sit in the priorities here!

How old is your child, OP?

If I've just understood correctly, this is an unusual ask?

What's your relationship like with your step chidren?

Just tell the mum to book them a Uber FGS.

16 year old should be well capable of supervising 13 year old in a vehicle and she can track their journey in the app.

Given the ages of the children, I’m not really getting the drama. Why can’t he just take them later or they get public transport? Either of you bringing a baby out at their bedtime doesn’t seem one of the better ideas.

Who moved away from who and why?

Exactly this