AIBU to refuse doing stepchildren’s handover because husband is working late?

[LarryParker]

Husband shares custody with his ex of their two children (13 and 16). They have always worked this where he collects them from hers at the start of his time and she collects them from ours at the start of hers. We live what should be about a 20 min drive from each other.

My husband works longer hours on the day that their mum collects them from ours to cover the time he works slightly shorter hours while they are here. Meaning they usually get home from school (obviously not at the moment) and wait for their mum to get here on her way home from work, usually about half 5ish.

Husband's ex had a baby 2 months ago and she has said she wants DH to drop the kids off with her now so she doesn't have to keep bringing baby out to get them. He is working until later that day so wants me to do it.

I've said no. AIBU?

For context around my no .. I work full time, have a young child of my own who I want to get home and spend time with before it's bath and bed and am just tired and admittedly can't be bothered with another trip out in the opposite direction when I get home. There are also roadworks going on a lot round us at the moment so what should be a 20 min drive each way can sometimes take 40+ minutes.

AIBU to say if DH can't do the drop back to mums then his ex will just have to bring the baby out to do them? Her partner doesn't live with her, although I believe he is moving in at some point when they find a bigger house in case anyone wonders why he isn't being asked.

Im all for helping out but no yanbu. There are multiple options here as others have said - she pays for a bus/uber/taxi, she comes out with the baby or dh drops them off later when he gets home.

Why can’t her partner help, or your DH just drops them off a bit later?

Ime once you start this shit it becomes an expectation..
She knew she had 2 x teens when she had a baby.

Just because she's asked doesn't mean he has to say yes!
If she doesn't want to take the baby out to pick them up, surely her boyfriend should be looking after his baby while she collects them?!

Do they have to bring so much stuff? Can they do without gaming equipment for a day or two?

One of the children is less than two years away from being an adult.There's no reason they can't change buses home and there's no reason they can't look after the thirteen year old.

Don't bring so much stuff. Get the bus home.

She wont go out with the baby but you have to take your child out. No...they xan sort it

Her partner may not live with her, but he can look after his own child while she picks her others up. Not your issue to sort.

That’s pretty rubbish for two children who are splitting their time between two households. I would hate it as an adult, having to change home each week.

I think this is for their mother to sort. Not your circus, not your monkeys. She decided to have another baby - she needs to figure out how to care for the other kids she has. Babies like sleeping in cars so this should be a doddle.

What's been happening in the eight weeks the new baby has been here?

Excellent point.

She needs to ask her partner or another family member to help either watching the baby or doing the pick up

Is no one here thinking of the impact on all of this to the young people, if teenager years are not hard enough, the mums got a new baby and no one can be bothered to to drop them 20 minutes up the road

Correct, the majority of replies illustrate why blended families don't work.

If these were her biological kids, this wouldn't be a discussion.

Quite.

They already do now. The ex wants to trash the 50:50 status quo and put it all on OP's partner and OP even though they also have another very young child.

I forgot to say that I feel quite sorry for the children. New baby in one house and a four year old in the other. Obviously they're just in the way of both of their parents.

Why can't your husband drop them off the night before so they go to school from their mums or after he gets home from work

If they don't fancy the bus cos of gaming equipment, depending how much it is maybe cheaper in the long run to buy duplicate than pay for buses?

I think this can be a problem when you have two kids splitting their time between two houses, and they're getting older and so can make their own choices as to where they spend their time.

Kids this age should really be getting themselves around if possible. It doesn't matter if the bus is inconvenient for them, there's no reason why a parent (or step parent) should be schlepping out to give them a lift if it's inconvenient. Where we live, 11yos are getting themselves to school and back on public transport which involves multiple changes and is often disrupted, because their parents have to work or are picking up younger children.

The real issue here isn't that the kids need a lift. It's that they're old enough to have a choice as to which house they spend time in, and the DH is worried that the inconvenience will make his house less attractive as an option. But that's not the ex's problem to solve, really.

That’s not on OP though. It’s for their parents to sort out.

You spelt "ex wife" wrong.

I would stand firm with your 'no', OP.

You have a young child,, too, roadworks are a misery, and it's not your problem to solve. It's hers. She had a baby knowing she has existing children and responsibilities for said children.

Can't the baby's father come and get his step kids or is it only women who have to step up.

I think making the dc cart loads of belongings on a bus would make them feel fairly displaced. People are too quick not to pick up on sensitivities children have around being shuttled between two new families.

I think their dad should take them when he gets in.

We had a similar arrangement as teens but we would get the bus to the parents house we were staying with after school. Our parents would drop our belongings off at the other parents house at some point in the day/ evening (whenever was convenient).