AIBU to refuse doing stepchildren’s handover because husband is working late?

[LarryParker]

Husband shares custody with his ex of their two children (13 and 16). They have always worked this where he collects them from hers at the start of his time and she collects them from ours at the start of hers. We live what should be about a 20 min drive from each other.

My husband works longer hours on the day that their mum collects them from ours to cover the time he works slightly shorter hours while they are here. Meaning they usually get home from school (obviously not at the moment) and wait for their mum to get here on her way home from work, usually about half 5ish.

Husband's ex had a baby 2 months ago and she has said she wants DH to drop the kids off with her now so she doesn't have to keep bringing baby out to get them. He is working until later that day so wants me to do it.

I've said no. AIBU?

For context around my no .. I work full time, have a young child of my own who I want to get home and spend time with before it's bath and bed and am just tired and admittedly can't be bothered with another trip out in the opposite direction when I get home. There are also roadworks going on a lot round us at the moment so what should be a 20 min drive each way can sometimes take 40+ minutes.

AIBU to say if DH can't do the drop back to mums then his ex will just have to bring the baby out to do them? Her partner doesn't live with her, although I believe he is moving in at some point when they find a bigger house in case anyone wonders why he isn't being asked.

Completely irrelevant.

YANBU

DH can drop them when he gets home. Or they can make their own way back from school.

It really isn't irrelevant

The kids are growing up

Arrangements change

Definitely old enough to make their way home to their mum’s after school on days when they’ve stayed with dad overnight - how do they get home on days they are staying at their mums?

Also, why does your husband pick the day the kids go back to their mum’s to be the day he works later to cover the day he has to leave early? Surely he should do it on a day that doesn’t impact when his children are with him.

I’m not sure why they can’t go from school to their Mums’s house - they are 1: & 16

Not your problem. It's fine to say no. Surely a 13yo and 16yo can get on a bus or take a taxi, they aren't 3 and 6 any more and these arrangements seem to have been set in stone for much younger children. It's ridiculous for her to expect you to go to the faff of taking your young child out in the evening in order to avoid her having to go to the faff of taking her young child out in the evening. I am sure there's a solution where neither of you have to, but if none of those work then she is the one who should have to do it because they are her children not yours

Amazing, DH has a child, it's nothing to do with the OP. The Mother has a child and unless every member of the stepfather's family treat her the exact same as they would blood, they don't get access to the youngest. Including taking yhem on holiday, covering childcare etc. They can get put in a taxi. Ths won't be for long.

Thanks for the replies, to answer a few questions:

Our child is 4.

The reason they don't go to mums straight from school is because they bring so much stuff between the two houses that can't be taken to school, mainly things like gaming equipment, favourite clothes etc...

We also annoyingly aren't on the same bus route so a bus would mean getting it into another town and changing.

No one really moved away from anyone. They both lived in town X which is roughly in the middle of where they both are now, same as SCs school.

Husband works later on the day their mum gets them because usually she gets them so he's not needed to drop them off and because that's what works for his employer.

I'm not really sure why she doesn't get them earlier during the holidays, they are often out with friends a lot or not waking up until mid day during the hols.

Uber not currently available in our area unfortunately but I have suggested taxis before but it's too expensive apparently.

Could you take it in turns?

Say no to the ex, she can get babies dad to sit with baby whilst she collects kids or get him to collect kids

Why? They aren't OP's children and it's not her responsibility to sort this out. Responsibility lies with the two parents - OP's DH and said DH's Ex. Not OP.

Can dh cut his hours?

At 13 &16 way can’t they just go home from school to mums house? or get the bus or a taxi. Or wait till later there’s loads of options.
I bet they would rather just go straight home from school.

Surely it's not reasonable for DH to cut his working hours so that their mum doesn't have to pick them up!?

I'll indulge- why?

They can get the bus. One change isn't the end of the world.

Why can't it wait until he's home from work?

If mums always picked them up then it's on her to continue that.

And if she can't then they are teenage kids and he can just drop them back when they are finished? It's not like they have a 8pm bath and bed time.

So she's asking him/you to do both of the pick ups/drop offs to make her life easier? I'd be saying no too

so your dh and his ex think Ubers are too expensive, meaning your time is clearly less valuable. Especially after a day of work and wanting to spend some time with your 4 year old. if you don't value your time, no one else. just say 'no, get a taxi.'

Do it this time and they'll both think you can do it regularly. You were right to say no. Why is it ok to inconvenience you (not their parent) and your young child, but not ok to inconvenience their actual mother and her babe in arms who should be easily transportable?

Why are they karting gaming equipment between houses?

Eh? Totally relevant! The person who moves away tends to be the person who drives both ways.

You can’t have it all ways

The reason they don't go to mums straight from school is because they bring so much stuff between the two houses that can't be taken to school, mainly things like gaming equipment, favourite clothes etc...
and
We also annoyingly aren't on the same bus route so a bus would mean getting it into another town and changing.

So they get to choose - they stop lugging so much equipment between the houses, or
They leave school, come to your house, pick up what they want, then go to their Mum's via the two buses they will then need to get, to get home.