To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

There's plenty of time yet!!

Been married 55 years next month.

Is that you Austin?

Close to 30 years - v monogamous, wholesome & “boringly” normal

We're pretty normal/wholesome! No cheating, swinging, threesomes etc. not in our circle of friends, as far as I'm aware.

I wonder this too because I know lots of people in open relationships and marriages. I dont judge them for it but know its not for me. I have a very happy relationship and have no intention of opening it up.

I met my husband 14 years ago today we got together 3 days later people was telling me not to rush. He's my absolute best friend. Wouldn't want any of the "unvanilla" stuff people seem to bang on about.

Together from 12 to 64 (I know, I know.. sounds incredible doesn't it?) - it's gone so unbelievably fast - it's so sad that it will end one day - I'd love another 50 plus years together just to see what happens - it's been an amazing thing - there's so much to look back on yet we don't spend much time doing that TBH but we reckoned only the other week that there's already been about 5 stages or big phases in our relationship - it's always changing. The idea of going outside our relationship has never come up and we talk about sex plenty so there's no locked rooms that haven't been opened. My wife is a complex character but definitely not inconsistent in any way, she's very reliable, a creature of extreme habit actually (I always say I married the cuckoo in the cuckoo clock) but she's also the best listener I've ever known - she remembers everything about other people so people open up to her especially as she doesn't feel the need to talk about herself. If you are a slacker or a bullshitter, you're not going to last long with her, she's a hard person to impress as she's so competent on so many levels, she's a military grade human being, emotionally very tough, a very good friend to have in a crisis but being in a relationship with her is not for the faint hearted IMHO! My relationship is far from nice, normal or boring.

we have been happily married since 1977. Definitely not heard of any of our friends having ‘wild’ times.

12??? Bloody hell. That sounds like you don’t know any different - great if it works for you but I can’t imagine wanting to be with someone from that age!

44 years together, still very happy and going strong. My best friend and no infidelity or swinging parties. Can’t imagine life without him.

I am not being ignorant. I just can’t imagine being with someone at that age and staying on the same path as them while growing from a child to an adult.

I envy her. Perhaps you do too deep down.

🤣🤣🤣 Yeah okay…

I can honestly say the idea of devoting myself to a lifelong relationship has never been something I aspire to. It’s not me.

Both 44, together 16 years and celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary yesterday.

Completely monogamous, happy partnership and enjoy a very active and passionate sex life, without needing to include any others.

An open marriage, swinging etc is definitely not for me, but I don’t judge those who find that to be the set up that works best for their respective relationships, provided it’s all transparent, consensual and safely done.

To imply her wonderful lifelong love is because she didnt know any better is ignorant..
As is not having enough imagination to fathom it..

@Overthinkingotter I happily believe the non-monogamous relationships are in the minority. Most people I know, unless single / divorced, including me have been with the partners / spouses for over 20+ years and wouldn’t dream of being unfaithful.

My H and I have 26 solid years together. He’s my best friend, I love him dearly, and we’re very happily married even after 18 years of parenting together!

I’m not really sure why , but my parents have been married for 46 years (at 68 and 77)with no sniff of an affair or anything.
They have had a lot of ups and downs but are still each others favourite person and they adore spending time together more than anything.

That’s lovely and I can hugely relate to your parents’ relationship, even though we’re still in our 40s.

I can imagine my dc saying the same as you in 20 years.

Me. 11 years married all v boring & happy here

What do you aspire to? I got married at 18. It's been over 30 years. So I guess it's a lifelong relationship.

Happily married here too. We do lots together and try to make the most of our time together. I don’t know anyone who is into swinging and honestly can not think of a worse way to spend an evening!

@Overthinkingotter , I’m quite shocked at the percentage of respondents who said you are unreasonable. I’ve been married 42 years and with my husband 50 years. It’s been a rocky ride at times but he’s always been my world. We’re doing a pretty good gob of rocking our retirement. I know the day is coming when one of us will be left alone. I don’t know whether to hope that isn’t me for myself or not him for him. I think either of us will be incomplete without the other. Hopefully in the intervening years we’ll make some amazing memories.
He’s been my everything forever, I can’t contemplate life without him.

Here too!