To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

No nor me. I’d get a load of cats and shut the door.

I love this! :)

😂😂😂

Happily married here for 27 years with kids. Most of my friends are too. Life is not without it's challenges but we choose to go through them together. ( Christians if that skews the sample size a bit!)

My husband read an article about finding joy in the mundane. Giving notice to the things you do every day and making sure you do them well. He said 'That's like us.'. Our life together is mundane but so very very happy. I am delighted that we've been together for 24 years but just still really really like each other. And if that's boring then I'm ok with it!

We’ve been together 20 years. All standard monogamy here

Has anyone seen on Disney Plus ‘The Couple Next Door’? Jeez. What a mess that ended up x

I do and so do most people I know. All normal here.

15 years, doing just fine.

You seem to be overly bothered by what your friends are doing.

I have no problem with other people'a open marriages, except that so many of the women don't know they are in one because their husbands forgot to tell them.

We have been married for thirty four years - and standard monogamous relationship here too. I know all my dh’s foibles and idiosyncrasies and frankly am not interested in fining out anyone else’s !

There’s nothing wrong with vanilla, it’s a delicious flavour of rich complexity. You might mean bland, but that wouldn’t be vanilla, but plain pasta.

I read a chain a while back somewhere else where someone who ran swinging parties said that they found that the majority of couples at their parties were older people who'd never been with anyone else, indicating that the urge to find out what else is out there runs pretty strong. Maybe this is less of a thing in younger generations due to being able to meet a much wider pool of people than pre internet, so less marrying the person down the road you met at 17.
This person also pointed out that older people looked down on young people practicing 'ethical non monogamy' as a fad but pointed out that previously people just cheated or were doing swinging quietly - ie, its always happened, we just talk about it and name it now (like many things!)

I should’ve put ‘boring’ in quotes (just saying some people do feel bored with sexual monogamy).

I’m one of these ‘boring’ people myself!

I know 100% I wouldn’t want another relationship, I’d run a mile the other way.

I’d get myself a nice little apartment with a decent sea view (plenty where I live) and be very content.

True, but I’m simply using a well-known colloquialism here :)

Yeah, maybe I’m just nosey? Thanks for the comment, though :)

Agree, monogamous relationships arent boring, but then neither are different ones 'weird'. As long as theres mutual respect, nobody elses business.

I think any relationship has the potential to be 'boring' whether that's a monogamous or a non-monogamous one, so for that reason YABU.

But yes monogamous marriages still exist.

Been together 32 years, faithful throughout, still laughing, still loving and still planning adventures together, 2 kids as well, one moved out, one still at home

I love this and completely agree!

I’m a recent widow, but had an extremely happy, loving normal relationship for 20 years

We’ve been together nearly 30 years, married for most of that, and are still happily monogamous and content with our shared life. We’ve had some very significant challenges to handle and have done so by standing together and being a team.

We love each other more than anything and take care of each other more than ourselves, so we both benefit from always being supported. We laugh every day and tell each other ‘I love you’. When times are difficult, we talk. Sometimes we argue but we never go to sleep on an argument. I feel safe and supported every day.

If my relationship was anything less than this I would have walked away. For me, I am happy alone, independent and well able to look after myself, so being with someone else has to be better than being alone to make it worthwhile for me. It’s a high bar and my husband, happily, has reached it consistently over a quarter of a century. I think he would say the same about me.

I have been with my DH 30 years, married for 26. One of the reasons why I am still crazy about him is that the sex is still good. We have equal sex drives, it is important to both of us and we make a lot of effort to make sure the other one is happy. He is also my best friend and my life is so much better because he is in it. When I was young and single, I loved sex and didn't really need a deep emotional connection to enjoy it if the man was good in bed, but honestly, the sex was often bad or just 'meh'. There is no way I would risk my great marriage to open up to the possibility of crap sex. I don't know how bored I would have to be to get my thrills from some bloke I have no love for, no emotional connection and no history with, heaving away on top of me, focused on his orgasm, when I can get exactly what I want from my husband! I do wonder how many of these swingers are actually getting great sex?

You're looking for traditional values about relationships and you won't find that in Western men. If you want a partner who will value you and commit to you alone, try looking for matches in somewhere like Morocco or Tunisia.