To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

All very normal here, thank you.
I hear the 50+ dating scene is wild though, and plain normality is not a thing there.

Normal- that’s good!

Oh wow, that’s interesting! My friend (mid-30s) did mention that the swingers tended to be older.

Yes, been married over 20 years to the same man. He's my best friend. I adore him.

Boring what a dreadful way to describe a good marriage. Weirdo.

We’ve been together 20 years. We’re mid 30s. No swinging or unfaithfulness here.

I love this!

It was in quotes because that’s what some people might say (those who end up in open marriages), not me- but thanks 🥰

Yes just normal, wholesome monogamy over here too!

Surely what you've heard about is NOT the norm. Especially so openly? Where are you hanging out? The vast people I know are in bog standard mogonomous relationships. Some break down for various reasons, including affairs, but the basic assumption is long-term relationships between two people.

This gives me hope!

I think we're normal too - both in our 50s

Me. 54, married 30 years. Ups and downs but I have zero interest in open marriages or cheating. Don't think he does either.
Tbh, I am not very interested in men. I intend to spend the rest of my life building more female friendships
Female friendships are one of the great joys of life.

yes - we're very boring. (To others.We do find each other exciting 20 years on!)

It's not particularly cool to be 'normal' in today's crazy world - but I'm hoping it'll become fashionable again soon....

Late 40s boring old farts who still laugh, have fun and get on like a house on fire. Not been invited to any swinging parties just yet so it might not only be us.

normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage
Why do you use the term boring for a type of relationship a lot of people would give their eye teeth for?
It's the same as the sneering use of the term vanilla sex.

I personally think your friends just felt able to talk about it more openly but I don't think it's more common tbh. I think it's more than now people actually set out rules and there is less cheating because it's an agreement that requires trust

I have been with my husband 15 years and decided against opening our marriage, but if we did decide to in another decades time I wouldn't be like "oh no! We are like Those People now!" Which kinda feels like the undertone of your post, you are judging those friends so yeah it's not as mainstream as some like to think

Normal here. Been together since our teens, now in our fifties and best friends.

50 something boring old fart, married to another 50 something BOF. Been together 29 years, married 26. If DH is doing anything exciting, it’s not with me 🤣

Some people like monogamy, others don’t. Different strokes and all that.

It’s (slowly) becoming talked about more, but it’s not a new thing to want sexual pleasure from someone other than the person you’re married to. You love that person, they’re your best friend, co-parent to your child.. but sexually it excites both of you to explore elsewhere. That doesn’t make you a freak, or a threat to society.

And on the flip side, it’s not boring to want to be monogamous

Me, 35 years in. All our good friends the same. It’s involved compromise though.

However, friends who were very open minded about 15 years ago ended up divorced when their agreement was broken by one of them.

I think there’s a lot of concern that swinging often involves one partner being coerced into sex they don’t want. Obviously that’s not the intention, but that’s where a lot of couples ended up, and inevitably the losers tend to be women.

Over 46 years married. Very normal relationship. He's still my best friend.
But with all our wrinkles, bad backs, aches and pains we're too old for the swinging neighbours next door 🤣🤣

Been with DH since I was 16 him 17 we are in our 60s now still going strong, best friends.

All monogamous and happy here for 28 years 🙂

I was with the same person for near on 40 years (his death), married for most of them we met as student/postgrad age. We worked and raised a family together.

Was every day floating on roses? Of course not, we weathered life’s standard problems and a few extras just like any other couple and managed without infidelities and exhausting sounding complex relationship set ups. Monogamy is still what most couples aim for. Those I saw fail on infidelity tended to be the cliche midlife crisis man chasing a younger women.

I also know a number of poly people. A few maintaining long term stable poly families, more eventually settling into monogamous relationships. Relationships take work, complex relationships more work.

The relationships I’ve seen struggle due to sexual fidelity issues are those who tried open/swinging relationships - probably because too often its been the man persuading the wife rather than a truly equal decision, sometimes because its a displacement from a fundamentally unhappy marriage.

I have been surprised as a widow to be targeted with adverts for OLD when I’ve never expressed an interest. Out of sheer curiosity and trying to work out how I had been targeted I looked into one and ticked the bisexual/PoC boxes and promptly was targeted with sex club and swinging adverts. Apparently old prejudices hadn’t progressed during my lengthy monogamous relationship.