To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

Ha!

I am not married to a Western man, as it happens. This is highly amusing though.

I am rather reminded of Rigsby in Rising Damp when he said 'The Permissive Society I have been looking for it everywhere but never found it '

We’ve been together for 41 yrs , married for 37 yrs , monogamous , very happy , still love one another , if that’s dull and boring then I’m happy to be dull and boring .

I don't know anyone not in a "normal" marriage

You need to tell the married men across North Africa, that. We've all experienced them on holiday.

I wonder if some of the women have found it easier to tell their husbands to go elsewhere, while menopause is happening. I don't think it's up to anyone to tell someone to split, if they've found a way to make things work. There couples are old enough to be left to it.

Lovely, quiet, happy, monogamous, long marriage here. Nothing boring about it.

None of the married people I know are into affairs, swinging, perversions. All normal, standard families.

Yes, those places are famously full of men who value women 😂

Absolutely fine for you to prioritise and prefer monogamy but it is not inherently superior or morally better than any other relationship arrangement. Normality is a social construct. An ethically non-monogamous relationship (which is very different to infidelity) is no less wholesome or loving than a monogamous one. Of course things can go wrong and people can be treated badly but so can they in monogamous set-ups. My friends are a mixture of married, cohabiting but not married, single, dating, gay, bi, straight, monogamous, non-monogamous. The health of the relationships are not affected by monogamy (or lack of) but rather the communication and compatibility of the people in them.

I’m almost 58 - been with my husband since I was 20 so 38 years. Married for 32 next month. Two sons and now 2 grandsons. Neither of us has ever been unfaithful. I absolutely adore him and him me. 😃

We have been together and married for most of it, for 19 years. In our 40s. No question of unfaithfulness or sharing, he especially dislikes cheaters has a very strong view on this, as his mum experienced this and it’s stuck with him his whole life.

I should note same with my parents who have been married for over 50 years.

Very normal here too. Am on second marriage but no infidelity (nor my ex) just grew apart. Been with dh 7 years and we are in the age group that someone said was wild, sorry to disappoint but not here

Gosh who has the energy for swinging after 25 years? We’ll stick to a nice glass of wine at the pub and a natter.

Bit of a sweeping generalisation..!

Happily married for nearly 47 years, never crossed my mind to consider anyone else and I can say 100% my DH is the same. He still thinks I am the best thing ever! All of my friends of a similar age, are all with their husbands and married for similar length of time

I thought the swinging lifestyle was more common in a subset of people who would be well out of their 50s by now, but really don't know. As far as I'm aware, I don't know anyone who's tried swinging, but then again, I doubt anyone would tell me if they had. I may know of a marriage that ended due to infidelity. It wasn't my business and they didn't go into particulars. Another marriage started after he cheated while they were just engaged, but they seem happy enough now. (I probably wouldn't have given him a second chance, personally.)

I'm in my late 40s. DH is mid 50s. Married 25 years. We're monogamous. No cheating. Happy to be 'boring', but that's true for so much of my life! I tend to like things others would think boring, but they're usually (imo) healthier and less expensive lifestyle choices, so I'm glad to be a bit dull by comparison to the wild ones out there. 😅

Coming up to our 24th wedding anniversary. We are happily growing old together and ‘boringly’ only sleep with each other…..😂

DH and I managed 32 years with no cheating, until he died a few months ago. It takes work and living the commitment every day, through gritted teeth sometimes. We chose and loved each other; why would we stray?

Normal here. Married 28 years, five adult sons (two in uni) and have managed to survive. :)

Perfectly standard monogamous marriage here. Been together 13 years, married nearly 8 and we have 3 kids. Absolutely zero interest in being in an open marriage or any form of swinging.

Same. Together 28 years, married for 26. He’s the love of my life. I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone else.

Been with husband since age 18 him 21( 25 years) three kid age from 20 to 9 . And the horror stories I hear on here are shocking hopeless husbands/ wives. My husband is kind , thoughtful, romantic often brings me three bunches of flowers just because ( I don’t no why 3 just say he see loads of nice ones) so yes happy long monogamous relationships are still out their . I just think MN is normally an extreme fish bowl .

All very lovely and normal here after many decades together! ❤️

I’m 46 and been married for 11 years. He is lovely and kind, I couldn’t have wished for a better husband. I have a friend who is into swinging though - same age as me. She loves it more than the boyfriend who got her into it 😂😂.

Not for me though!