To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

Married to DH for 31 years. Never been unfaithful, and pretty sure he hasn't either. Would definitely be considered "boring" but at my age that is fine by me. Equally, I don't really care what other people do. But I am happy with our life. As another poster said, he's my best friend, the person I go to when I need help and support, the person who makes me laugh. Also the person who makes me angry by leaving his socks next to (not in) the laundry basket!

If you want to shag around, don't get married. If you're married and want to shag about, split up. Simple.

Normal, wholesome and monogamous marriage here!

Been together for 47 years married for 44 , only had eyes for each other . Not interested in anyone else. Till death us do part .

Very happily married 20 yrs now, very normal and healthy relationship and have always been monogamous.

I've never understood the desire to shag someone else, simply because I only want to do that intimate act with my H, due to our emotion connection?

(Though my first H would've disagreed, as that's what split us up, his seeming inability to keep it in his pants.)

Sex isn't an 'itch' that needs to be scratched, it's an emotional and physical connection to me, and to my H.

To me, that's priceless. That's respect. That's love. That's committment.

I wouldn't conflate "monogamous" with "normal" or "wholesome". Have you read some of the threads on here about monogamous marriages?

I also don't assume I know the ins and outs of my friends' marriages. There have almost certainly been more open relationships in your social circle than you ever knew about it. If I was in one, the last person I'd tell is someone who'd judge me for not being "normal" or "wholesome".

Judgmental people don't get the good gossip, them's the rules.

This is it; I think a (sometimes) performative drive to be different/‘interesting’. Or to flee from boredom without analysing it. I can’t help that real, healthy love does feel normal, tame and safe? Which could translate as boring for some people.

another monogamous marriage here. Right from the day we met until he died 15 years ago. For me there will never be anyone else although I know people do have second partnerships and thats fine for them.

Same here.

I think there's a bit of this too.

50s here though. Normal and monogamous. No interest in swinging on either side!

And definitely wouldnt be interested in it in future if I found myself single again!

Safe absolutely but "tame"? Not in my experience

I would imagine most marriages fall in the normal, wholesome, monogamous bucket.

I mean ‘wholesome’ from a purely sexual standpoint (I.e monogamous).

I’m one of these ‘boring’ people (only had a few sexual partners, all within a relationship, and been in a monogamous relationship for 10 years with no cheating etc).

I certainly don’t judge!! And I seem to get the gossip quite easily (yay)

Very good distinction; monogamy needn’t be vanilla (and often isn’t)

I’m so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful love story you had, for many to look up to

Together nearly 31 years. Married for 28. Just happy in each other’s company. Had enough dramas with blokes when I was younger. Happy to be “boring” now.

This^ absolutely

I’ve been married for 27 years and I’ve never been unfaithful and never will.

I have friends that are both long term married and monogamous and long term married and swing. I also know of long term married swingers that are now widowed and continue to swing. I also know of widows who comfort each other and attend swinging parties together. I've long given up on what is "normal" when it comes to human interactions and relationships.

The "dating scene" is horror. Lots of my friends (mid forties and below) are opening marriages and having various dalliances. I presume to keep their foundational stuff, but also have fun. I wouldnt be able to countenance today's dating style, it all seema to disposable and fake. How do people find a real one?!

It makes me very sad. And made me realise I am happy with love, mutual care and certainty. Nothing else lol.

However, you're a long time dead, so I can sort of see why people do it. Seems daft though, having your cake and eating it rarely works out well from what I've seen.

Another normal monogamous household here, been that way for 46 years, married for 38 years of those.

TBH if I became single/widowed now I'm 99.9% sure I wouldn't want or look for another relationship.

Exactly!!!!

Not clear about your voting, but yes, many people manage it. If you don't want to forsake all others till death, no one forces you to get married now. As for open relationships, maybe people are doing it and not saying, but I don't really get why bother marrying if you want to do that, but hey, there's no law against it.

It is harder for more people these days, as more have been brought up with no example of being loving and faithful-one of my best friends struggled to get happy with the idea of a relationships because of her parents' behaviour. She found counselling helped eventually and seems to have the wholesome marriage you mention OP, but I know counselling doesn't help everyone.

Normal, boring, vanilla monogamy over here too. Most marriages I know are like this. We’ve been together 28 years this year. He’s my best mate and still attractive.

It seems like the death knell for (most) relationships, to ‘open’ it up. Surely it makes sense to just split up and then do the whole single thing once the dust has settled a bit?

I certainly don’t see how people make it work when they have kids. Doesn’t it make them feel a bit icky? I know I would (though maybe I shouldn’t); it would just break my heart for my kids to think mummy and daddy are just together with each other, but to actually be having casual sex with randoms…but, honestly, to each their own! As long as the kids are completely shielded from it, that’s all that matters, I suppose.