To wonder if anyone has a normal, wholesome, monogamous relationship/marriage anymore

[Overthinkingotter]

Was talking to some friends (unknown to each other) who seem really normal/wholesome types…no! They’ve either done, or are doing, the whole swinging/open marriage thing.

Obviously, fair play to them. But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

I do get it and, if it works, why not. But I like to think that monogamy is the model most long term relationships follow? Or am I very naive?

Has anyone been with their partner for a long time and managed to not be unfaithful or sleep with other people in whatever context?

One of the reasons I am staying single by choice is being "adventurous" seems to be expected in my age group (50's)! Certainly the men want women who are open to that sort of thing if dating apps are anything to go by, can't speak for the women on the apps but I definitely am not interested in that.

The irony is that of the men I know personally that are after this, they can't seem to get a date at all, never mind an "adventurous" one! One bloke I know has his shopping list of things a potential GF must be open to (swinging, open relationship etc) but he can't pull a rotten tooth out of a dead horses head, so I can only assume this is all stuff he has in his wank bank!

Most people including myself have ordinary, run of the mill but kind and loving monogamous relationships.

Thing is, you rarely read about the ordinary relationships on MN because well, that wouldn't make a good thread would it, sad and all as some of such threads are.

So AFAIC it's ordinary for most, and for the rest it's a thread on MN asking how to cope with the opposite of that!

Been married for almost 3.5 years here so not as long as others in the other comments (I'm in my late 20's). No kids together yet but so have 1 stepchild and I'd say we have a 'normal' marriage and have a lot of love for eachother.

We have one . Those “ fun “ marriages often have end up in divorce because clearly one or both have pretty much failed to readies what a marriage is .
But I can totally see where you are coming from because lots of people I know tried swinging , or adding similar ideas into their marriage .
Thankfully not something either of us would want .

I have been with my DP since I was 17, I am 64 now- to answer your question I have always been faithful- but at this stage in the game when that ship has sailed i often wish we had been more open.

We met young, decided to go to the same university, lived together as students, married (and kids) after graduation and have been married donkey’s years.
He’s honestly the best person I’ve ever met and I’m pretty sure he thinks the same about me. We both have our annoying traits especially me 🤣 and we have lots of things NOT in common.
Our backgrounds are similar and we have the same values, we make each other laugh but have different senses of humour.
I wouldn’t dream of being unfaithful and I’m as sure as I can be that he thinks the same. As far as I can tell our kids are happily married too.
We know a lot of happily married couples btw.

But just wondering, are there people out there who have a nice, normal, wholesome (boring, I suppose) monogamous relationship/marriage? Especially those with kids.

Surely you know there are plenty people out there like this? You don’t seriously think every single couple cheats or swings?

Genuinely don’t understand how people just find their person at 16 and that’s it for life, I wish I could have had that! I’m 30 and still unsure if I’ll ever meet someone who stays. I’m even worried DP now will change his mind and leave as that’s all I’ve known

One of my friends did. They’ve been married for 55 years now, since they were 18. They met at school.

married for 14 years, and very loved up in private but equally can annoy each other sometimes! I suppose we are the boring (but mostly happy)group ?
each to their own OP!

Us! Happily faithful, monogamous and pretty vanilla.

I’ve been married for nearly 46 years and it’s never crossed my mind to cheat on my husband. I am as certain as I can be thst he’s never cheated on me. With two exceptions, all our friends are still with the people they married between 30-50 years ago and I woukd be amazed to hear of any of them no longer being monogamous.

I love, fancy, adore and respect my husband. There is no one else I would rather be with daily

l love spending time together. We have 2 daughters 28 and 25

Great sex life too which is consistent

no thanks to swinging or anyone else

My sons adore their wives and their wives adore them. I am the luckiest Mum/ MIL in the World imo. 😊

Married 27 years, together 33. Met in my late twenties. We haven’t strayed from each other and DH is my best friend and sounding board.

His half sister swings.

i didn’t understand why each time they moved they built a conservatory off the main bedroom.. which apparently is for getting comfortable while the bed is occupied.

weirdly ? she has a miniature dolls house in another room which is decorated very traditionally with a traditional family set up. I mentioned this once to someone who knows about these things and they suggested she had some issue which stemmed from her childhood. Not sure that’s relevant to this post, but she is the only one I know of.

doesn’t appeal to me but each to their own I guess.

Not sure about normal, and I’m definitely not bored yet, but we’ve been married 21 years and we’re both each other’s best friend. Haven’t had eyes for anyone since the day I met him. He’s the best husband I could ever wish for and if I’m even half as good a wife to him he’s still doing alright.

40s - together and married 20 years. All normal. No swinging or affairs. Both happy and a bit boring I expect!

I am in a monogamous marriage, mid-forties never looked at anyone else and am very happy, my husband is my best friend dont get me wrong he drives me round the bend at times as im sure I do to him too.
My relationship before this was a polyamous one and almost ruined my life in the process, if monogamous means boring ill take that over crazyness all day long :)

We're in our 50s. Both virgins till we got together, married 30+ years. No unfaithfulness (as far as I know, but very unlikely). All our kids are both of ours. He will be my one and only. I'm very, very boring.

We "wholesome" folks are the silent majority.

I've been married to DH for over 30 years. Completely monogamous as are most of our friends.

As my late father put it, Affairs Affairs, how on earth do you get the time and energy!

On the other hand I was press ganged as a stoker on a now alas no longer sailing Home Trade Passenger Ship where the Bosun had a girl in every port and believe you me we could do a lot of ports in a day. They all knew about each other and their husbands did as well.

My husband and i have been together for 21 years, married for 6. I was 18 when we met and we have been monogamous for all those years. I like to think our marriage is normal, though it was clearly a long time coming. Husband had been hurt before and single for a long time when we met so it took a bit of adjustment and learning how to trust again for him. Swinging, threesomes etc are a little more accepted today so maybe people are more prepared to reveal it to friends if they are into that but I still don't think it is that common.

Been married 27 years, together 29. Son is 25 and I have two older step children. Neither myself or my husband would dream of being unfaithful! We are happy together (sometimes we argue or don't get on, but we both know that is temporary). No swinging or shagging and I'm pretty sure that our friends are similar! (All late 50s to mid 60s now).

Just about to celebrate the 30th anniversary of being married to my wonderful husband. All very low key and normal. No swinging or outrageous behavIour here, unless you count having outrageously boozy lunches with our friends, dancing in a pub, missing the last train and ending up in an Uber. You’d think at 63 and 72 respectively we’d know better but no….