Update regarding this
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5567476-aibu-to-feel-contextual-offers-are-unfair-after-my-sons-results?callback=in&code=YTYYNJU0NZUTMJAZMY0ZY2RKLWE5NZQTNTY4ZDRLYZQ2YTU3&reply=154196625&state=efb9c2356e9442fe90af05997d0b47e9
Hi,
I posted here yesterday about my son and stopped responding because, to be honest, I was hurt for him and I think my post came across as ridiculous. I didn’t say he was the hardest working boy in the world, but he is hardworking, and as his mum I’m obviously going to think that my son is hardworking whether that is true or not I base it on who he is, he’s spent majority of his life being very disciplined ie waking up early for rowing sessions etc.
He was rejected from Oxford because he didn’t meet the offer of 2 A stars and an A on results day. We understand that wholeheartedly he didn’t meet the offer case closed. He was accepted into Durham for economics and maths which unfortunately wasn’t the university he wanted. We’ve visited Durham he didn’t dislike it but it’s not the uni for him, he preferred other unis that weren’t oxford but declined their offers. We had been warned about the importance of his insurance choice and we did speak to him about it, but I suppose he was a little arrogant about it all. He’s certainly learnt his lesson now.
We did submit his for remarks because, looking at the grade boundaries, he was very close to getting 3 A stars only two marks off one on one of his subjects. Which is why he was near miss, on results day he was in a waiting pool essentially on hold. We’re still waiting for the Further Maths remark, but that was a few more marks off but we are willing to risk it so he may not even need to resit anything, but we’ll see.
The school isn’t against resits plenty of students resit all the time a friend of ours their son resat last year as he missed on one of his subject and the remark didn’t change. He’s off to uni this year having achieved the grades required. Sometimes students have mitigating circumstances that affect how they do on their exams in May/June.
Either way, he now has 2 A stars and an A. He is a hardworking boy, like so many other students, and this year has also been incredibly difficult for him as he lost someone very close to him, which affected him a lot. I think it’s tough for anyone who has lost a someone they’re close to, to suicide no one knows how they’d deal with that. I sympathise with my son, he did his best whilst also attending therapy we are super proud of him.
We’re going to look around Edinburgh on their open day and see what he thinks as we recently visited the city and he liked it a lot. He is still applying to Oxford again at least this time he has actual grades not predicted, they apply early so he’ll have time to make decisions if he doesn’t get an offer this time. Last time he got an interview and smashed it but he knows he might not get an interview. He has the grades and can do economics so it’s simply a case of whether he gets an interview and, if he does, how it goes. Oxford is incredibly competitive and, honestly, he was lucky to get an interview and get as far as he did last time. There are so many incredibly bright children applying, and there will always be people who are just as bright, if not brighter, than him.
He’s happy to take the gap year anyway. He wants to work for a while as he’s working in an art gallery and throughly enjoying it then hopefully do some travelling, lots of his friends are taking gap years anyway. His girlfriend was always planning to take a gap year, work and travel, so he’ll probably join her.
I do understand how privileged we are. Saying that we want the best for our child doesn’t mean we don’t appreciate that other parents want exactly the same for theirs. We know we’re very lucky to have had the means to send our children to private school. My original post was a typo filled rant not exactly thinking and looking back, it was definitely a privileged rant. That wasn’t my intention, but I can see how it came across that way, and for that I genuinely apologise.
Ultimately I’m just happy for my son he has been through a lot this academic year I think he should just chill and have fun. Those grades are his and he can do whatever he wants with them. We’ve had a long chat about everything a few tears from me and DH nearly got teary we are just so proud of him. He knows that, even if it isn’t Oxford, he has plenty of options. With 2 A*s and an A, regardless of what happens with the FM remark. He can apply to so many excellent universities and doesn’t need to rely on predicted grades. Other than Oxford and Cambridge, lots of universities don’t require an interview. He’s applied for two courses some unis only maths other econ and maths which is what he wants to study anyway.
People saying maybe he’s not that clever because he missed his offer…. You might be right.
He’ll be applying with achieved grades this time rather than predicted grades, so whatever happens he will be fine. His mocks he achieved 3 A stars but this was before his friends passing. He has now got 2 A stars and hopefully this other remark is a success if not that’s fine. His school did let us know that Oxford do take into account mitigating circumstances but our son did not want that associated with his application so no mention of that to either of the universities. He just wanted to focus on revision at the time. I think a gap year is a good idea he’ll have time to think, and reflect on things beyond just education maybe come October time he might not even want to apply to oxford. He’s said he’s going to have a big think after the lengthy conversation.
He’s a privileged boy and maybe I haven’t done the best job at making sure he knows that since this is his first set back in life but he is 17 he will learn and has lots more time for set backs. We will keep guiding him and make better decisions as parents all I can do is try to do even better with his younger siblings in terms of then knowing their privileges.