Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

your mum’s decision to skip straight to the Grandkids has nothing to do with her children being “settled and financially secure” (which can change in the blink of an eye due to illness, bereavement, divorce etc) and everything to do with her wanting to ensure that her money will not eventually end up with the step kids. Fact.

One of the reasons for leaving estates directly to grandchildren is to avoid a generation's worth of inheritance tax. But of course this only applies to huge estates.
As we see on this thread, it may save tax, but causes issues in relationships, unless each of your children has the same number of children, and no step children, so e.g. 50% to your two children works out the same as 25% to each of their two children (your four grandchildren).

Ilovelifeverymuch

Imo it’s not cowardly to let them know after, it’s ridiculous to let them know before and have their last years on earth sullied by everyone bickering. If they’re going to fight they’re going to fight, may as well not see them being assholes about what you’ve decided!!

To me it would depend if the stepchildren were actually brought up my daughter and saw her as their mum and us as their grandparents. In that case I would treat them the same as blood grandchildren . It’s a moot point though as apart from a token gift to my DC I will leave my children whatever I have .

Your mum can do what she wants. It would have been simpler if she had just left her money to you and your siblings. It's upsetting for your step nieces/nephews if they consider your mum their grandma.

No I don't agree my children only had two grandparents. They had many ancestors, mainly dead, but a grandparent is someone in your life as far as I'm concerned.

Or it could be that she secretly loathes her DILs/SILs, so doesn't want them to benefit from being married to her adult offspring when they inherit.
😀

More likely to be due to tax.

I was the unwanted step child. Yabu from what I can tell here.

If she leaves it equally to us, my sisters biological children would get less as she would share it with her step children. My mum doesn’t want that as she would have done her will differently.

Elderly parents often need quite a bit of help and while nobody does that for an inheritance, I'd be pissed off if I gave a lot of help while my children didn't give any, and then they inherited.

100%

This is the situation in our family, my DH & I will never inherit from anyone, but our children will end up loaded. It sucks. It's hurtful.

I was step child and at no point did it even ever occur to me to expect to inherit from my stepdad's parents.

There's actually nothing to say the children are expecting anything, this is 100% about the sister being angry at her SC being publicly treated as lesser than the other grandchildren. People love to say it's 'entitled' and 'grabby' but really there's often much more to it than that.

this wouldn't sit well with me either, I wouldn't want 2 of my children to inherit a large sum while the other two were given a token amount, besides it causing awkwardness between the 4 children, if the sister doesn't differentiate between all the children then no one else in the family should take it upon themselves to do that either, just to make a point after they have died (or before in this case).

People who do this are doing it to make a point knowing full well it will cause bad feeling, that is all. It could all be avoided by leaving a third each to each set of grandchildren.

But they don't have them, the argument that a step GC doesn't need to inherit as they"have"(present tense) 4 grandparents is a pretty pathetic argument. What benefit exactly did my children get from a grandfather who died 40 years before they were born? Would that justify a step grandfather saying they cant inherit as they have their real grandparent?

The only person being unreasonable is your sister. Keep staying out of it, let your grasping sister to stew and do not talk about it with your mum, who can do what she wants with HER money.

Yes it’s only money and it’s a shame to hurt a young person and maybe cause problems within the family.

I would be extremely hurt if my Mum did this.

I don’t agree with missing out children in favour of leaving legacies directly to grandchildren and I think your Mum is wrong to do this. Her legacy should be split equally amongst her own children.

Your mum isn't being unreasonable at all..
They aren't her biological grandchildren..she doesn't have to leave them anything

This!

I was advised by a solicitor that this is the best thing to do. Perhaps leave a smallish, token amount to each grandchild but the bulk of the inheritance to AC. It’s then up to them what they do with it.

Your Mum has been unreasonable by not discussing this with her 3 children BEFORE updating her Will.

Whilst it's nice that your Mum has included the step grandchildren, it's very bloody hurtful to have written her own 3 children out.

In terms of your sister wanting her siblings to talk to your mum about this, I wouldn't. Your Mum doesn't want them to have an equal share and that's not an unreasonable thing. It's nice that she has included them at all, as it's not like she's included her own children.

And this is why I’ve told no one who I’m leaving this to. They can moan and argue after I’m gone.

Of course they do. Parents of the mother, parents of the father. 4 people.

Also of course the child might not grow up with all four of those people in their life for whatever reason. My mum's dad died before I was born so I had 3 grandparents. Or the OP's sister's children do not see their paternal grandparents for some reason. But that does not mean that these people do not, or did not exist. It also does not mean that the OP's parents have to step in and fill the gap.

A third to each child and they can divide between their own children. This will save any arguments going forward.

Wow! Leaving people in that situation is really shitty!

It's much better to have open discussions before writing Wills, so that there is no resentment & fighting left after the death.

So if there were no stepchildren your mum would have left it directly to her own children?

I agree with the grandmother. Biological grandchildren will always come first .