Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

'That could be the difference between 2 of your children ever being able to afford their own home and the other 2 being mortgage-free for most of their life due to a gift"

That's not OP's mother's problem though is it?

The kids have their parents both father and mother, and their actual 4;grandparents etc, it is not OP's mother's responsibility to make sure they can afford a home.

By your logic is OPs sister and husband going insist or should I say demand that the kids mother must split whatever she leaves behind to include OPs sisters kids who are her ex husbands stepkids??? Or that the stepchildren's actual grandparents must also share equally to include her kids?

We all know that wouldn't happen but somehow you feel this will must be split equally to include them so they can also afford a house.

The woman has been very generous to even include them in the first place. The stepchildren don't even consider her their grandmother because they have their own 4 actual grandparents, they split their time between OPs sister and her DH home and their mother and her new partner so they don't even have the same access or time with the grandma in question but when it comes to money we demand equality...

I didn't say it was the OP mother's problem. I said it was the OP's sister's problem. That's the point. So please don't tell me that I feel x must happen and that by my logic y etc. and read the post properly.

I wonder if the mother doesn't like or trust the sister's DH - hence her skipping a generation in her will. She wouldn't be the first person to do that and is also unlikely to tell her sister that is the reason.

It is quite common in blended families for their to be quite glaring financial disparities between step/half siblings - I know several where some of the children are privately educated for example as paid for by the 'other' parent. Difficult situations to manage I am sure but somewhat inevitable in blended families.

An inheritance is not a God given right. It is up to the person whose money it is to do with as they wish. I will never understand people who think they can dictate where it goes or who gets what. Someone you love has died, if you happen to be given some money after that awful event be thankful, don’t dissect where every penny has gone.

This.

Admittedly, I’ve not read the rest of your updates, @DogsInThePaddlingPool , so sorry if covering something you’ve said.

Your mum is between a rock and a hard place. I understand her wanting to be upfront about it, and that is the advice generally, rather than leave a shock after gone. Fair play for her doing what she wants with her money and owning it.

I think your stance of keeping out of it is wise!

Hopefully it’ll blow over and your sister will come round.

Even though OP's mum is giving OP's sister's step-children a smaller amount than her biological grandchildren, OP has said that they will still be receiving a significant amount of money, so maybe they will be able to be mortgage-free.

I would imagine that most step-grandchildren normally receive nothing from their step-grandparents. My children and I weren't included in my step-mother's will, even though all her money came from my dad who married her very soon after my mum died very suddenly and which included my mum's inheritances and my dad's inheritance from his dad, my grandfather. Everything went to her daughters.

Considering that OP's sister's step-children spent most of their time with their own mother so OP's mum didn't have a particularly grand-parent-like relationship with them, I think that she has been pretty generous.

Skipping your children, entirely, in favour of grandchildren is just an awful thing to do. It's the 'message' it sends, more than anything.

Surely you understand that circumstances differ between families? My DP did this, with the full agreement of DB and myself. The important thing being that it was fully discussed between us before they finalised their Wills, so no surprises!

But the steps will inherit from their bio grandparents - will they be expected to share that ???

sounds like perhaps your sisters DH is using this a wedge to spilt you from your sister. He sounds deeply unpleasant and controlling

maybe just keep texting your sister and be there if she needs you. Maybe the inheritance is all a red herring to a worse situation that she’s in.