Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

Surely the step children will inherit from their own biological grandparents?

I don't like this trend of leaving to the grandchildren because it feels far more likely to be unfair, whether it's not fair as some don't have any children, some have too many, some have step and bio and so on. More might be born after the will is written. Much easier to just divide between your children and leave a small token amount to all grandchildre/step-grandchildren including those yet to be born!

I also think giving younger people substantial sums when they might be young is a bad idea, the ideal would be they use it for a house deposit, the less ideal is they waste it on living costs or something. If their parent gets richer through inheritance, the parent can then offer a deposit/money that way.

Its up to your Mum who she leaves her money to but she would have been better leaving it to her children IMO.

OP should definitely advocate to have the estate split in thirds - who cares about her sister and her step-kids, 1/3 is more than 2/7 ;)

It's your Mum's choice. Could be she was also thinking that the stepchildren will have grandparents on their maternal/paternal side/another parent they don't live with, who they could well benefit from.

My mum said she was telling us now so that if anyone had a problem, she was here to deal with them and give her reasoning.

Wow! Those posters saying ‘all children have four grandparents!’ Seriously?!

Its your mum's money and her decision. You cant tell someone what to do with their money.

If anyone tried that with me, id be straight down to the solicitor with a revision they really wouldnt like.

Your sisters step children have another family they may inherit from.

Its up to your mum who she leaves her estate to. Depending on care requirements, there may not be much, so getting angry in advance can also cause problems for no end result.

Any opinion I may have in your situation would also depend on the circumstances for your sisters step children. Do they have 2 other sets of grandparents? Is their financial background similar to your mums? Are they likely to inherit a lot or nothing at all from that side?

2 other sets of wealthy GPs would be very different to no contact with their biological mums side of the family. Although, at the end of the day, still up to your mum what she wants to give and to who and like you, I would stay out of it.

Yanbu.
This 100% your mothers decision.
I wouldn't dream of saying a word to her.

Honestly I think your mum might just be better leaving it to her kids and then letting her own kids decide what to do next. Yes it’s her money but it does seem incredibly divisive to leave much more to her biological grandchildren.

Plus IME the younger people inherit the more likely they are to not use the money wisely. Is your mum aware for example that if one of the grandchildren gets married, half the money is likely to go to their spouse if they then divorce? Or that the grandchildren could just spend the inheritance dicking about in Thailand for a couple of years?

I would actually talk to my mum about this on my sisters behalf it was me, as I would personally be disgusted with anyone who treated children differently after they died (in other words, it is no skin off their nose, so why would they care enough to make a point of treating them differently).

If the children were 4 and 5, your family is what they know.. except at times like this when it is pointed out to them that actually they aren't part of your family at all, it's a horrible legacy to leave and that is the reason I would discuss it with my mum, I'd respect her ultimate decision but I would make her aware of how hurtful it is to the grandchildren to treat them out as outsiders?

The fairest thing by everyone would be to leave equal thirds to each set of grandchildren and let the parents decide how to apportion it between their children, segregating members of the family as lesser is always going to be hurtful.

Really? My kids will be surprised as they've only ever had two. DHs father died when DH was just a few months old. My father died when I was 12. Where can my children lodge their complaint about their lack of grandfathers.

This is going to get more and more common due to the increasing number of donor-conceived children. Ultimately, people need to accept that blood does matter to some grandparents.

It’s entirely up to your mum who she leaves any money to. To complain about it is to think you/your kids are entitled to it (obviously the “you” here is your sister)

I would rather a parent takes the bull by the horn and let the kids know if he/she is going with a mom conventional or potentially controversial decision rather than take the cowardly approach of letting them find out after and cause rifts between the kids accusing each other.

She has made her decision and she stands by it and if DS wants to throw a strop and go NC that's her decision.

I was step child and at no point did it even ever occur to me to expect to inherit from my stepdad's parents.

I'm going to guess she knew her daughter would react like this and didn’t want her to make her brother and sister feel guilty about the split

I think this is why inheritances should go to children, not grandchildren. Children can then split as they see fit. Some of those grandchildren will get inheritances from other grandparents, some won't. Has that been factored in? Let's say a very wealthy siibling has three children, and very wealthy in-laws. Another sibling has one child and in-laws have nothing. See how that scenario might lead to an imbalance?

Correct, all children will have 4 grandparents. They may not be alive, may be no contact but in order for the children to have been born they would have had 2 parents and each of those parents would have had 2 parents. Thats just how reproduction works,

I'm not a lawyer, but another reason I'd have against this type of arrangement in the will, is what if your mum lives for decades and your sisters relationship breaks down and she no longer sees the step children? Then your mum has to consider redoing her will.

I think that in the case of leaving it to the grandchildren, the proportion should be linked to how many children the will writer has, so gran has three children, each family gets a third. Gran can say "do you want your third in your name or do you want it in your children's names?"

They still had 4 grandparents, even if some are dead. The same goes if they are NC. My daughter has 2 active grandparents and my stepdaughter has 1 as my husband is NC with his parents and his ex is NC with her father.

Doesn't mean they didn't exist.

Your children will inherit twice, then, from your mum and from you. You won't inherit at all. How is that fair?

She should leave it equally between her own children and let them sort out what they give away and when.

Why make matters more complicated? Just split it between her 3 children. Each child can then decide how much each grandchild will receive.

your sister is a horrible grabby one and posting on here about it isn't great either

It is simple.

Mums money, Mums choice, the end.

And just hope it doesn't need to be discussed for several more decades.

No idea why this is discussed tbh. An inheritance is not guaranteed especially as people live longer and with potential dementia. There could be nothing left if they need care.