Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

Same goes for the grandchildren.

@DogsInThePaddlingPool
Sorry slight correction to my message
Last line should read:-
You're all

She’s clearly done it so your DS can’t split her shares between the DSC equally.

Its your DM’s choice; you are correct to stay out of it,

People who bring kids/marry someone with kids really need to sort this stuff in their own minds before the get together, instead of losing the plot at family members who are never consulted

I get you don't want to tell her what to do, but how do you feel about it?

Skipping the generation to ensure certain grandchildren are left out would bother me in all honesty.

The skipping a generation only works if they children are vvv secure financially really and not that many people are as divorce, bereavement can change things a lot.

Personally I would be happy for it to go straight to my children as would save me giving them house deposits etc so would even out really but not everyone is in that situation.

Sorry, but if step grandchildren have other family that they will inherit from - and her bio grandchildren obviously won’t - then the step grandchildren are hugely advantaged by receiving anything at all, surely? Because they will inherit via their own mother?

If that person is absent and there is no family, then maybe things will seem unfair but ultimately is it the GMs responsibility to address the inequities of the life decision of the sgc’s parent’s decisions? I mean, where does that stop?

What I believe the PP was alluding to was that if an elderly parent, say in their late 80s or early 90s, left their estate to their children then those children would themselves be in their 60s at least.

It is likely that any of these children might then have an estate (from their own wealth plus their inheritance) on which IHT is due.

So there would be a second payout of IHT when the child dies a few years later.

In contrast, if the estate passes to the grandchildren instead then the amount passed to each grandchild will be smaller (presuming that there are more grandchildren than children) and there will be a much longer time period before the grandchildren pass away.

OP I feel for you. My parents did the same except that I had children and my brother did not. So when my parents passed,my brother got half plus their house and my kids got the other half. I got nothing. It is unfair but thats the way they wanted it so...

I’ll do what I like with my money thanks. I don’t have children, or any family, to leave it to so anyone who does get anything can consider themselves lucky.

My mum has always been a great mum to us and a lovely grandmother too. I don5 think her leaving less to the step children takes anything away from that.

How do you know she has done it to cause upset? You don’t know her or what she’s like as a person to make that assumption. How do you know she has given more to her biological grandchildren because they are from her bloodline (some people do care about that) and she’s given a smaller amount to the step children because she may know or think they will also inherit from another set of grandparents also?
Her reasoning for why she skipped her own children wasn’t because she wanted to spite anyone it was because they are all financially secure and wanted to help the grandchildren because they likely need it more.

Your sister is being unreasonable.
You are not being unreasonable. You've taken the stance it's not your money and not your business.
Your mum isn't being unreasonable, she can do what she wants with her money.

I disagree with my mum and step dads inheritance plans. But it's not something I feel a particular sense of injustice about, and it's certainly not something I would request they reassess or change. It's not my money, not my decision and the reality is it may all get spent on care home fees down the line. I would just personally divide it differently if I was in their position.

@DogsInThePaddlingPool
Sorry last line of message should've read:-
You're all lucky your mum didn't spend it on wine, gigolos and song and waste the rest!

It is up to your Mum to leave her money, that she has earned, to whomever she pleases.
I agree with you and wouldn't get involved.

Why have people become so entitled? Who the hell do some posters on here think they are? Says a hell of a lot about them, bet they are a delight in to know in real life, trying to control what others do with their money.

Why would Gran say “do you want your third in your name or the kids”?! It’s Gran’s money and she doesn’t want it going to her children, so what does she do when the kids say they want it in their name and she doesn’t want that?

The Gran clearly know where she wants her money to go, and honestly if my daughter started saying how she wants the money to go I’d be leaving it to the dogs home instead.

If the grandkids they decide they want to share with their step siblings, there’s nothing stopping them doing that in due course, but Gran clearly doesn’t want to force them to share it equally

This is what my grandmother has done. I’m one of 4 and have two cousins. It seems completely fair to me that me and my siblings each get an 1/8 of the estate and my cousins each get a 1/4. Far fairer than my dad’s family basically getting 3/4 of the estate because they had loads of kids.

It’s your mum’s will and she can do what she wants with her money. Why does she have to do it by committee and do what your sister wants? I wouldn’t get involved in your shoes either

OP's Mum doesn't want her grandchildren to have to share their inheritance with her daughters step children, and has taken steps accordingly, which is her prerogative

I have just accepted it because I know I wouldn’t be told what to do with my money and I feel strongly that it’s up to my mum.

From my mums point of view, she spent a lot of time with her grandchildren but not that much with the step children due to them being with their mum a lot. All of the grandchildren have remained close to my mum and although the step children get on well with my mum when they see her, they’re not close. I can understand her not wanting to leave them an equal share due to that but I’d also have been ok if she did because it’s her money.

Skipping a generation makes sense to me as the 3 of us are well off.

Why not contact your sister, tell her you miss her and that it really is your mum's decision?
Hopefully your sister will see that you should have no part in taking sides or changing your mum's mind.
Send her a link to this thread!

Exactly what I think, mine left my half to my kids because I had the audacity to have them,whilst my brother got his half because he didn't.
Always felt a bit frosty around them after they told me what their wills said.

How do you know she has done it to cause upset?

Because she has made a decision knowing it will cause upset and it has, I'm not guessing anything there, why do you think she has told them now, OP said it was so she 'could give her reasons'.

Her reasoning for why she skipped her own children wasn’t because she wanted to spite anyone it was because they are all financially secure and wanted to help the grandchildren because they likely need it more.

OP has confirmed the reason her mum has skipped the generation, and it is nothing to do with being fair and everything to do with ensuring the SC will only ever get the 'much less' that she has determined they are worth:

If she leaves it equally to us, my sisters biological children would get less as she would share it with her step children. My mum doesn’t want that as she would have done her will differently.

My point is, if she wanted to make sure everyone got the same she could have split it 9 ways.. would it really have mattered in the grand scheme of things? She has only done it to ensure the amount they have been given and to make a point that they are only to get what she values them at.

"Far fairer than my dad’s family basically getting 3/4 of the estate because they had loads of kids."

I presume they are your cousins as well? How do they feel about your grandmother leaving less to each of them than she did to you?

Bequeathing directly to grandchildren is becoming increasingly common, at least in part to blended families becoming common. Ime it’s entirely normal for people not to include steps in their wills.

Your mother is not being unreasonable, and she’s right not to be cowed. She’s leaving her assets to her grandchildren, and your sister’s stepchildren are not her grandchildren, regardless of whether they have present maternal grandparents themselves.

If your sister wants to consider her stepchildren equal to her biological children then she can, but she cannot demand her other family members consider them similarly.

YANBU, your sister is being unreasonable.

Step children have the same number of natal parents and grandparents to potentially inherit from, but also the opportunity to inherit from step-parents and step-grandparents. They have more opportunity to inherit because of the step family, so it's only fair they receive less through those channels.