Inheritance with grandchildren and step grandchildren

[DogsInThePaddlingPool]

My mum has recently told us she has updated her will. She has decided not to leave anything to me or my siblings but to leave it to our children instead. She has explained that as we are all settled and financially stable, she wants to help the younger ones who it will be harder for.

I have 2 children, my brother has 3 children and my sister has 2 children and 2 step children. My mum is leaving equal amounts to her 7 biological grandchildren and then a much smaller amount to my sisters step children. The step children have been in our family since they were 4 and 5 and are now 19 and 20.

My sister has had a row with my mum because she feels her step children should get the same as the rest of the grandchildren. My mum isn’t budging.

My sister wants me and my brother to tell our mum that she is being unfair. We don’t want to get involved and have said it’s her money and her decision.

My sister hasn’t made any contact with any of us for the last month since we said we wouldn’t side with her.

Are we being unreasonable? Is my mum being unreasonable?

You're not being unreasonable. Do the stepchildren have other involved grandparents or is your mum their main grandparent? What's her relationship with them like? Either way though, you're right that it's her money and not your business.

You're not being unreasonable, but this is why it might be better for your mum to leave thirds of her estate to each set of grandchildren so equalising affects your sister's share rather than reducing it for every other grandchild.

But at the end of the day, it is completely up to your mum.

I don't expect my parents to leave anything to my SC whatsoever. My SC may inherit from their 2 parents and 4 GP, as will my DC. They don't need 6 bites!

However, my SC (& so SGC) are reflected in my own will, but that is because DH and I have mirror wills.

I say it every time but, yet again, take this thread as a warning to never discuss your Will with anyone except your solicitor!
And then leave everything to the donkey sanctuary......

Does she think you will all disinherit your own children ? Up to her I suppose

This may be a good suggestion? Or that mum leaves it to the three children and then they can vary the will to leave to their children as they want?

Nothing to do with anyone other than your Mum. That said, better she let you all know now rather than it being unearthed on her passing.

Your sister is welcome to try to take from her children’s shares to top up her step kids, even though that’s against her mum's wishes and her own kids may say no but she’s being wildly cheeky asking you to change your mum’s mind. Her strop since you said no tells you a lot. Leave her to stew.

My DH’s parents passed several years ago and they left sizeable amounts for each biological grandchild. My son is DH’s stepson and was excluded. DH has been in his life since DS was 2 and he treats him like a son (he is our only child, no children together). DS considers him his dad. I was perfectly fine with this outcome and did not expect anything different, it didn’t even occur to me that this would not have been the outcome. DH was upset about it. I had to have a few conversations with him, but I think part of the issue was that he felt he had been treated differently by his parents (and he had, our lawyer confirmed this) and this was just another example.

Personally, including only biological children makes sense to me. Though in an interesting twist, DH later found out that an earlier Will had included DS but after his first parent passed, his sisters spoke to the remaining parent and the Will was changed. So his issue is more about his sisters and the remaining parent at the time.

But for me, I think it would have been odd if DS had received an inheritance.

It’s up to your mum but I’d have left it to my three adult children and it would then be up to them how they shared it out.

Context is so important.
eg in our family, my BIL and wife have three children- the eldest is not biologically my BILs, however they have been a family since nephew was 2. Nephew has no contact with any of bio father’s family or bio father.
so he is 100% our family and would always be treated as a biological child.
other BUL has two step children, been with the mum since children were teens, they have contact with dad and his family and one lives with his dad.
feels completely different! I would imagine they would get a token amount but would not be considered as a biological child.

Your sister's family overall is still getting more than your family so she might want to re-think any suggestion that the split is unfair.

@DogsInThePaddlingPool

Speak to your mum. Tell her that she should leave it equally between her three children, with the suggestion that they then pass it on to their own children if they don't need it.

Your sister can then split her third equally between her own children.

Your sister is essentially saying she wants 4/9ths (44%) of the money.

It's kind of your mum to leave something to the step children when they will have their own two sets of grandparents to inherit from.

I would never expect to inherit from my step grandparents. Surely the step kids have other grandparents to inherit from.

Your sister is being unreasonable trying to get you involved. Its up to your mum who she leaves her money too.

Have a similar debate in my family - not related to step children but different numbers of children.

A brother and sister have 2 children and 4 children respectively. Should a Grandparent want to go straight to the Grandkids, should each get 1/6th or should 1/2 be split between 2 and 1/2 split between 4. Argument being that if they just split it 1/2 between the siblings then the Grandkids proportion would change.

Ultimately the person making the will gets to choose. People falling out over money is far too common and far too sad.

It does seem sad to leave sc out but they wouod have had their own gp.

Dp neice has one child and one sc so that maybe tricky in future for the gp.

Also worth considering that while it may seem the gp have x amount of money if they live to 100 or go into care the amounts could be small and in op case already divided between 2+3+2 so if went down to 50k it would be only 7k each.. If sc too would be 5.5k.
Our older relative did just 1k down to the ggc.

Maybe the sc parents can save up some funds to equalise a bit

All children get 4 grandparents. A few are lucky enough to get an inheritance from some of them. Your sister's stepchildren got very lucky to get some inheritance from a 5th party.

I hope your mum doesn’t feel bullied into changing her will.

All children have four grandparents.

OP's sister is wanting a special case made for her children to have six grandparents.

Well no, it doesn't work like that, does it?

Will her children inherit from the step-childrens grandparents? Your sister is bonkers, the SDC are lucky to inherit anything. Overall her kids will be getting a bigger share that they would if the estate was divided into 3 parts

Why do people tell their family what they’ll do with wills.?!

Unless that’s exactly why she’s doing it because she’s making sure it ultimately ends up where she wants it to go. Doesn’t sound like she’s really thinking about the divide that will cause in the sister’s family though. In her position I’d leave it to my children and let them make their own choices.

Absolutely not . The mother does not want to do this .No one has any right to tell anyone who they should leave their money to . And the mother has just changed her will and does not want to leave it to her kids , only the grandchildren. But she is also kindly leaving some to the SGC . The daughter is unreasonable.

I think your sisters viewpoint is understandable if she has spent all her life trying to treat the kids equally.

But at the end of the day its your mums decision and no one has the right to try to pressurise her into something she doesn't want. There may be a number of reasons why she thinks the way she does.

Maybe you could point out to your sister that what your mum chooses to do is her business and shouldnt be influenced by anyone else. If your sister feels a great injustice has been done maybe she will have the opportunity in the future to undo that with her own will, rather than demand others live up to her expectations.