To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

As long as you keep that to yourself you can think/feel whatever you want. Just don’t voice it or people will think you have main character or narc tendencies and want to make his achievements about you. No doubt you did positively encourage him but that’s not for you to broadcast. Don’t rain on his parade.

You sound obnoxious. Perfectly possible to be proud of him without thinking it’s ’down to you’. You’ve known him for, what, 20% of his life? So 80% of the parenting was done by others, and all of his genes come from elsewhere.

Well done for not being a shitty step mum, don’t turn into one now.

It's a bit narcissistic to try and take credit for someone else's achievements.

I think it’s the way it’s worded.

I think it’s great that parents are supportive and help their kids. But the OPs OP feels a bit off somehow.

OP I think you should be proud of him and it’s good to reflect that your support was effective. It sounds like maybe he didn’t have the support before? But it was him who actually did the work and say the exams.

But I think that’s where it should end. When my kids do well I don’t take the glory and pay myself on the back - I congratulate them. Good parenting includes being supportive during education and times of study.

was he grateful when you helped or do you think he though you were pushy? There’s a balance between supportive and overbearing.

based on the tone of the post I would also worry about your reactions to him had he failed or not done as well. Would you have been as supportive and accepted your part?

Seen worse. What about the mums who post on their child's birthday about how giving birth was their achievement (Big Bang's Leonard having to give his mum a present on his birthday isn't only a bad sitcom joke), and how it was the worst day of their life yet they're expected to celebrate.

OP, yes, parent/step-parent etc involvement can make a big difference, but I'd be careful about sharing this post with anyone in real life.

Well done you (I mean that). Some kids do need encouraging to see what their true potentially can be and you provided that.

I think you are absolutely right, OP. Research shows that every child needs a trusted, significant adult in their life who takes notice of them, listens to them and encourages them. That can be a teacher, a grandparent, parent or, indeed, a step parent. Unfortunately, many children do not have this and they do not therefore achieve the potential that they could otherwise have achieved. It’s so important for child development.

So yes, a lot of this is down to you and your DSS is very lucky. It’s definitely something to be very proud about. But I would keep a bit quiet about it because, for the moment, it’s his day and his achievement.

Sit down, be humble.

Let HIM enjoy HIS success. He is going to need all the self confidence he can muster - not thinking YOU did it all for him.

You did what any parent would do. I did this for my son but wouldn't dream of taking credit for results. It's just part of what we do as mums.

Well yes, I'm sure you played a role and that's great. But there's no need to go on about it either. What is the "issue" here exactly? Are you feeling that you should be getting some acknowledgement from your family and friends that you are not getting? Have you claimed some credit and someone else contradicted you? Have you been told to be quiet in front of your DS?

No, his achievement is his. You just helped a bit. The same way that teachers and coaches and mentors help kids all the time and don't take sole credit. The kid can acknowledge their support of course, but for you to make it all about yourself is really gross.

Think you're getting a hard time here, OP. It's absolutely fine to feel proud of yourself for the support you gave him. Presumably you are posting on here precisely because you wouldn't dream of focusing on this IRL. Well done to him and to you.

Parenting can be hard and often thankless work. If we can't pat ourselves on the back occasionally, what is the world coming to?

My mum turned to me at my graduation and said ‘we did it’, in front of all my friends and their families who had been congratulating them. The comment felt so off to me and one of my friends said their parents had actually mentioned it to them later in the day. I’d lived away and worked to support myself so she hadn’t even financially supported me! Nearly 20 years on it still annoys me to think about it, although it is part of a general pattern of everything being about her.

He did the work.

Nice dodging of the actual question there OP 🙄

I’ve done everything I possibly can to help my son get into his chosen career. He did really, really badly in his mocks in June so can’t apply now. Possibly if he ups his game and gets better actual results he could apply with his actual grades in hand. If not he will have to think of something else.

So I think you can help them as much as you possibly can and it does make a difference but ultimately it’s down to them.

Get over yourself OP. You sound insufferable.

Have you always had Main Character syndrome?

OP, you should feel proud of yourself!
It is quite something to have been instrumental in directing the course of someone's life along a good path. We don't have enough people doing this..

I think you should feel pleased with yourself too. I would if I were you. It’s great when you think you have helped someone reach their potential and there is nothing wrong with acknowledging it. You must be really proud of him too.
Im not sure why you are getting quite so many spiteful and snide comments.

What if he’d done badly? Would you feel responsible for that too?

I just simply had every confidence he would!

my daughter on the other hand yes got a 7 in French but theoretically she’s bilingual and refused to be helped by me or her my mother.

she could have got a 9 if she wanted to, but she refused to do any work, so that’s on her.

How big is your head

I think you should stop right there.
You are starting to sound like a right ***
It is his achievement.