To think our DSs achievement is a lot down to me?

[Stayinganontoday]

I know it’s all his hard work, but I did a lot of the encouragement on the side.

For context he’s the first in his family to get into uni. His parents just finished secondary school and (and so did the previous generations).

Before I entered his life (he’s technically my stepson) he only aspired to get his GCSEs and go into social care.

Today he got his results and he’s going to a Russell Group uni.

Im extremely proud of him, but I also think he wouldn’t have don’t it without me. So AIBU for being so proud of myself? (and him obviously!)

But I had zero obligation to do it…

Some people are so very harsh, especially on MumsNet!

you’ve clearly been a very positive influence and probably changed the trajectory of how life for the better. You can absolutely feel chuffed to bits that you’ve had this impact.

I don’t see anywhere in your post that you’re looking for any kind of thanks or recognition from him or anyone else. Well done 👍🏻

shall we make you a certificate ?

or do you need a medal ?

or a collective hand clap on our doorstep like we did in Covid for the nhs - but this one just for you as you are the ONLY parent or step parent or foster parent or family member EVER to have helped their kid ?

It’s sad that that is how you see it. My husband is stepparent to my 2 older children. He takes a proper interest in them and supports and loves them. He’s a brilliant dad- in everything except biology.

If you didn’t want to support your stepchild in any of this then no, you weren’t obligated to. If I was your stepson and found out you apparently only wanted to help me so you could crow (out loud or inwardly) about how great you are, then I might wish you hadn’t bothered at all.

So you never adjusted from your approach to suit your dd, even when she was struggling with it, to the point that she became fed up, disengaged, and ultimately didn’t reach her full potential.

You don't seem to be able to acknowledge and own your failure in that?

This is clearly clickbait.

Still not answering the question OP, you are a funny one 😂 But don’t worry, I’ve got the measure of you from your responses on this thread - you only want to claim the credit when the kids do as well or better than expected, it’s none of your fault when this doesn’t happen.

Crack on with congratulating yourself on what a superior step-parent you are!

We could all say this, I could take the credit for my sons success by all the times I took him snacks when he was revising or tested him with flash cards, it’s called being a parent and we all want our children to do better/go further than us, it wouldn’t enter my head that I should get credit.

Flash cards and snacks wouldn't even register to me.

With DS it was body doubling and organising revison and course material - notes were really not there or lost by school and there were gaps in some subject to to endless supply -and teaching him how to do all that so next lot of exams he'd need less support. Honestly it would have been less demanding to sit the exams myself.

I've no idea if it was ocassional snacks and flash cards - or the level my ND teen needed but it all gets put under the same parental support label and never mentioned.

No because it 100% comes down to the young person. If they don’t want it or they can’t it doesn’t happen. If they do and they can it does.

Good for you, and good for him. I appreciate you feeling this way, but I think you’ll need to be very careful who you voice it to irl. Definitely not to him, he deserves to take full credit for his hard work!

There was not a lot else I could do TBH. It’s known that many bilingual kids are that way. It was so bad with her, that I didn’t attempt it with my youngest.

he has shown zero interest in languages, but he’s quite bright with maths, so I’m pushing him that way.

Can you explain how he's only technically your stepson if you're married to his dad?

as in he’s not my actual birth son (or whatever term you want to use)

Then he’s your stepson, no technically about it. He literally has a mother, and you’re his stepmother.

Of course YANBU, but keep it to yourself 😊

Yes but are they wanting to shout “it’s because of meeee”! to anyone who will listen.

That's wonderful that you spent time and made the effort with your DSs.
Your DSs is lucky to have you supporting him.
Welldone to both of you.
It's clear that your DSs was academically capable so with your support he achieved his goals.
You are a great person for having helped him.
Be proud of yourself and be very proud of your DSs.

God, are you normally so self absorbed. Not everything is about you.
Your poor stepson having to share his moment with you

Well done for encouraging him. He’ll go far!

But surely you know that a stepson is never the stepparent's actual birth son?

It's like saying you're technically your husband's wife.

Well done OP.

Sorry i dont agree with some of your post. Particularly for less academic children, the self-belief, effort, resilience, work ethic has come because a parent or stepparent has supported the child to learn those skills. I think they perhaps come more easily to academic children who don't mind homework, research, reading etc because they find it easier.

I couldn't be more proud of my son who is following the career he has always wanted. He stands out in his peer group for having a strong work ethic, being polite, and wanting to do better. In fact, the best he can do I know that much of those skills have come from me. Modelling them to him.

you may have pointed him in the a certain direction,
HOWEVER.. his results are 100% him!
my 2 DSC had A/AS level results today one got really great grades the other didn’t they both had he same level of support, ultimately it comes down to them!
I’m proud of them both as they gave their best and that’s all we ask of them

I went a lot further than my parents in education without an outsider supporting me, many younger generations do. Do you think he wouldn't have got further than them without you?
There's lots of research to say that it is parenting in early childhood that leads to success. Most brain connections happen before 5 and most children's academic achievements can be predicted by the level they are at aged 7. Based on research, it is more likely that his succes is based on his parents interactions with him in the early years rather than someone who started supporting him when he was 14.