AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

If I had the means and would be accepted, I'd absolutely go to follow my children if they'd have me.
I don't particularly wish to emigrate anywhere really, but I'd do it if it meant a better relationship with my grandchildren (my kids are still young so no idea if they want to emigrate).

I'd leave the husband over it - I'd pick my kids every time. But I can absolutely see why he doesn't want to move.

Can you wait 30 years to get a visa?

Obviously you just live your life in Australia!

You just live your life in Australia in the mean time! Don’t expect to be around in 30 years

There is nothing bold about it. You just have to meet their criteria. There is reciprocal health care available to Brits and probably wise to top it up with private health care.

Op… this is very unrealistic. You aren’t going to get a visa.

I'd want the same as you. Makes complete sense. Would you leave your husband here if he refuses?

“Probably”?? When you’re 70 and your DH is 74?

no “probably”about it!!

How would you be able to do that without a visa?!!

I am quite used to living abroad. 3 years in Singapore, 2 years in Cyprus and 16 years in Germany. I know life isn’t a bed of roses but I want to spend my last years with my daughters and their kids. I don’t think that’s unreasonable but that’s what I’m trying to work through.

You haven’t lived abroad for more than 30 years

Will there be succession on the farm OP (and if yes does he have anyone who would want it) and that's why he doesn't want to stop working / give up the tenancy?

I can understand him not wanting to let it go if he has someone who would want (or he thinks would want!) to take it on.

But I also understand you wanting to go. Would you go without him? Would the visa rules let you come back for chunks of time or are there limits?

getting a visa is not unrealistic. My eldest DD works in a large university in Melbourne. She works with a lot of Chinese, they all bring their parents once they start having kids.

you are right, I haven’t, but I do have experience of not living in this country.

You only live once. You are right to go if that’s what you want.

It wouldn’t be fair to force your DH though. The farm is his life. If you’re going is it possible to go alone or do you need the farm sold to execute the plan?

Does your DH have any children, grandchildren or close family here?

Could you do half/half? I know someone who does that, 6 months in Oz and UK each year.

OP… do you understand that you won’t be able to live your life in Australia without a visa?

Do you have a very big private pension?

He is a 3rd generation farmer so I don’t think the tenancy could be passed on, there is nothing bold one to pass it too, we only have one daughter who has very wisely chosen a different career path.

But you won’t be able to live there Op

Happy to give up your state pension that you’re currently receiving?

enough of a private pension to afford to set up a new life and medical care etc?

if DH refuses to go… you won’t be able to use money from the farm

Of course! I’m not stupid and not about to overstay my visa. I’d only be going if it was legal. What I’m asking is AIBU to want to go!

You won’t get a visa

Op just pause. And spend some time properly researching

then put this idea of emigrating to bed

Get yourself sorted.
Find out practicalities. What income/resources would you need? Do you have them? Bear in mind that your state pension will be frozen.
We had family friends who followed their dc there. They have had an amazing retirement there.

We’re comfortable I would say. We have some assets. I wouldn’t describe us as rich though.

I’m not unreasonable to want to spend Christmas in the Maldives

but unrealistic