AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

She more than likely can get a visa, it's you who should do some research.

https://www.visaustralia.com/family-visas/parent/

I'm shocked that the OP seems to have no qualms about leaving her husband, but is desperate to follow her kids halfway around the world. Surely, a spouse should come first? And trailing after adult children.....really?

What is you health like?

The risks with this non contributory approach are the medical tests and potential for changes to the process in the long waiting time.
You'll need a medical test to get into the queue (around 1-3 years wait), if you fail that you'll lose the bridging visa. If you pass you then get into the queue. Then if you get to the end of the queue you'll need another one - so you could find yourself at 90 failing the medical test and needing to leave Australia. Also at any point whilst waiting in the queue laws may be changed and you'll need to leave Australia. So the paid visa option is a lot less risky.

OP shouldn’t put her spouse first because he doesn’t put her first. However, I don’t think it is fair on your adult children for you to be dependent on them.

He makes his own decisions he’s a farmer

OP - if his life is just farming then there’s no way he’s going to move from that house until he’s passed. Only YOU know him and what he’s like etc so you base your last years on your happiness, there his children too but he doesn’t seem bothered.
I bet you went to Australia to see your dd on your own and he did the farm

If the farm his his baby/life and only you know that ! I’d say go

Farmers can't leave the farm for a weekend never mind 5 months. FFS.

If you have kids there already, then it sounds like a visa won't be a problem. if it were me then I would go where my children were at least for 6 months of the year. Why not? Maybe have summers in the UK. I wouldn't leave a child here and settle there permanently though. Also, I would definitely worry a bit about global warming in Australia long term.

Farmers An have long holidays if they want to. There are agency farmers who can fill on for them. This is quite common. In any case it is time her husband retired.

Just go into it with your eyes open and get lots of visa advice. Australia is very strict on visas and also be very clear on what any health insurance entitles you to considering your age. It will be costly and you cannot just get a cheap ryanair flight back to use the NHS.

Living in Australia is very different to visiting. On the surface it is all sea, sand easy living and multi-cultural. Outside the major cities it is misogynistic, quite racist and feels like 20 years ago. Also, if living off a UK pension, the cost of living is higher than in the UK and flying back to Europe, unless very wealthy, will not be a regular thing. If it adds up for you then go for it. But realistically if you sell up and do this, if you have to return to the UK you will have nothing to fall back on.

You could look into the visa requirements but I know they are getting tighter.

Would you have sufficient funds to keep yourself? It sounds lovely that you could all live together but how would you fund it? Australia is so expensive even compared to the UK.

I live in Aus and just be warned there's talk of clamping down on family members moving here and applying for visas with the plan to remain on a bridging visa, so might be good to make a plan sooner than later and keep an eye on any visa developments here.

Australian here.
To all those saying OP can't get a visa, she absolutely can.

The rules here are that applicant has to have the majority of their children living in Australia, pay an application fee of nearly $50k and be aware there's a significant wait time as there are many applicants.
So it's entirely possible that OP could get a visa.

As to your actual question, OP, you are not being unreasonable to want to come to Australia, particularly if children have indicated they'd be happy for you to move here.
Regarding your husband, if he doesn't want to go that's his prerogative, but obviously you have to decide what is going to happen with your marriage.

The other option is to come out for long stays and see how it all goes before applying for a visa.

And to the poster/s saying Australia is misogynistic and racist, for goodness' sake get a grip. Misogyny and racism is everywhere. Your country's hardly a beacon of righteousness and fairness for all. However, both countries have a lot to offer and nowhere is perfect.

Good luck with it OP. Australia has much to offer as many new residents from the UK and all over the world already know. 😀

Why do you say you would live in Australia while waiting for a visa? You've said in a later post that you know that isn't allowed.

Did you actually read this- it admits very few parent visas are granted a year, and there are lots of conditions.

So an unhappy marriage

hardly likely to improve by him emigrating when he doesn’t want to

OP at the very best… it will be years before you’d be able to move over there with a bridging visa as you child will need to have had settled status for 2 years AND applies to be a sponser.

So… that is the best case scenario @OneFedUpFarmersWife

However, I think your immediate focus should be the fact you are clearly very unhappily married. And that is not going to improve whether you’re in the UK or Australia.

I think you need to set aside some time to

1. research this idea of emigrating to Australia in what will realistically be close to approaching your mid 70s
2. whether you want to remain with someone who you don’t seem to like very much

I really don’t like Australia personally, the living aspect, not the tourist aspect hasten to add. But I would in these circumstances.
does your DH have his own children too?

Out of interest… have you ever been? If so, how many times and for how long?

Visa processing times are very long. They’re currently processing contributory parent visas (costing £30,000+) from November 2018, and non-contributory parent visas from 2014.

You could move there on a visitor visa and apply for the parent visa & a bridging visa but it’s a restrictive lifestyle.

You’re in for a very long wait either way.

Gosh. How difficult. It sounds like your life is mostly about your children and grandchildren. His is mostly about his farm. I think you get to choose how you spend the final decades of your life. But it sounds like it will mean choosing to spend them without him.

You have no idea just how expensive medical costs in Australia are do you??$86k will be gone through in MONTHS!!! Just blood tests alone are thousands of dollars let alone scans and hospital costs, just an appointment with a gp is around $140! You will have to pay all your own medical costs until you get the full visa wnd medication is full price there is no discount! A 5 day course of antibiotics is $200+!!! That is sll
i included in the medical costs!!!

youre living in cloud cuckoo land! You need on average $350,000 just for medical costs and cost of living for the 5 years!!! You have no clue just how expensive and hard it is living out there! Can you afford to spend around a million dollars on a little house??!! It’s one of the most expensive places in the world to live!

Totally agree with you! It’s fake and shallow and ridiculously expensive for crap! Crap in the shops you’d find on temu is $$$$!!! Food is $$$$ and medical costs crazy! Then there is the cost of living which a farmer no way can afford! I say this as an Australian who lives in the uk now 😂

Hopefully, if nothing else, @OneFedUpFarmersWife will take away from the thread the need for her to spend a couple of hours actually looking in to this a little
more because, as it stands, no research whatsoever seems to have been undertaken!

My eldest daughter has been in Australia since 2017, her family all have citizenship.

With respect you presume a lot. Actually we have a happy marriage, I’m happy with my life and he’s happy with his. Although we did go on holiday when we first got together DH has decided he doesn’t like flying. So I go on holiday a lot on my own or with my youngest DD before she got married. It works for us. He doesn’t stop me and I don’t insist we go. Everybody to their own! This is the first thing we’ve clashed heads over in 30 years .