AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

How would it be for your third DD if you emigrated? Would she be ok with that?

Would you be able to get visas given your age?

Would you actually be able to emigrate - have you looked into visas and waiting times?

have you actually looked into getting a visa, it wont be easy at your age unless you have megabucks

I would think that the biggest hurdle will be getting a visa. Do you qualify for a parent visa? Even if you do, the cost is high and the wait tmes are long.

Have you looked into what is required, how long it takes and the cost? It’s not an easy process.

You’d get a visa on the basis that more than half of your children are living in Australia but you’d have to pay out a lot. I think in the tens of thousands.
If your DH refuses to go will you go by yourself?

When the sixth of her six children joined the other five in Australia, my aunt joined them. She must have been around 70 then, but it was a couple of decades ago. So at least then, joining family there was an avenue to a visa.

Would you go without him? So you think the other daughter might go too?

I must admit that I'd be distraught if my DD and DGCs went, so I do sympathise.

If your DH is a tenant farmer then surely the tenancy ends if he passes away and the house and land will be rented to a new tenant - and you would be able to move to your other, easier to maintain house. I think it would be less to sort than if you owned the farm for sure.

Would you be eligible to emigrate? Don't you have to be going over to a job that needs you? Points and all that?

Is there scope for long visits? I've no idea of the max length of stay per visit for Australia from here (assuming you're in the UK)

I doubt Australia would let you move there, tbh, at your ages.

Before you get into a ruck with your DH about it, I’d look into it more closely and see what’s possible (or not).

This! A couple I know wanted to go for the same reason. Similar age, DS, his family over there. They visit annually too. Put their house up for sale, everything. Made plans to go, they were turned down. What do they do next?

Could you go for long holidays? Stay in a b&b close to your daughter's . I would go alone if my husband didn't want to go , life's too short

I’d stick to long holidays personally , COL is very high in Australia and it’s not always that easy to return to uk or access NHS if you need to. How will you pay for healthcare when you need it? It’s not unreasonable to want to move but neither is it unreasonable for your dh to not want to go. It’s a lot to surprise him with !

You need to factor in the climate emergency too. Australia is not somewhere I would want to live out the rest of my days - climate changes mean the Australian population will have many problems.

Unless you have a huge amount of savings OP, I very much doubt that you'd get a visa.

Unless you will be earning I really doubt that Australia would want you living there .If this was for myself I would just go for holidays.

Can you even afford it?

You can get a visa if more than 50% of your children live in Australia. There will be health assessments though I imagine and the process is expensive. When I was living in Australia one of my friends failed the health assessment because she was overweight.

Yanbu to want whatever you want, but that doesn't mean that your DH has to want it too.

Ultimately, you might need to choose between wanting to go to Australia and wanting to stay married. Assuming that emigrating is even an option for you at your current ages.

I'd go. He doesn't seem to take you into consideration. Your children will all be there. It's fair enough that he doesn't want to, but you do. You could fly back to the UK occasionally to visit him.

Have you looked into the rules? Perhaps you could get some kind of parental visa, but otherwise it is almost impossible to move to Australia after the age of 45 unless you have corporate sponsorship or very high net assets (5M+ from memory.)
I would ensure this will actually be possible for you both before having arguments with your husband.
But at the end of the day, if he doesn’t also want to go, he is allowed not to want that…

Friends your age emigrated in 2022. If 50% or more of your children live in Australia you should look at Aged Parent visas. You need to be able to pass a medical and be self-supporting. Criteria are stringent but see what you can do.

I don’t think either of you are wrong for wanting different things but if you knew all this before marrying I’m not sure why you’re surprised. It’s not selfish not to want to move overseas and leave your own child behind to prioritise your stepchildren.

immigrating is a massive undertaking at any age but I’d look at the logistics carefully as it’s hideously expensive.

I very much doubt you'll be able to get a visa. If you do qualify it will be an expensive/long process.
So you have one DD there, one potentially looking to move, what about your third? Happy to leave them?
BTW, I don't think your DH is selfish for not wanting to move. Moving abroad in your 70s if very different to doing it when younger.

My friend is widowed, she goes every year on a visitors visa (?) sometimes for 3 months, sometimes 6 months…