AIBU to want us to move to Australia in later life?

[OneFedUpFarmersWife]

First time poster. I will give some context for this post. Been married to my DH for 31 years we have a 30 year old DD. This is my second marriage and I have two DD from that relationship. I am 70 and my DH is 74. He is a farmer on a tenanted farm and his family have been here over 100 years. My eldest DD emigrated to Australia 9 years ago and has a great life. I was heart broken when she went taking my two GDC with her ( kids are now14 and 10) I try to get over every year to see them and I love Australia, My youngest DH and her husband have said that they are looking to get a visa to emigrate. My heart dropped but I told her she should try as it’s a great place for kids and it’s something I would have done given the chance. I have told my DH that I want us to emigrate too and he’s said ‘no’ without any discussion. I have lived abroad before so the thought of moving to another country does not faze me. My DH has always lived in this house. He’s a bit selfish to be honest. We had discussed him retiring as I would like to move to our other house which will be much easier to maintain. I’m starting to worry a bit that something may happen to him and I’ll be left with this farm to sort out and live in this big house till I can move. He doesn’t seem to be bothered. He decided not to retire without discussion as he likes farming. I want to go to Australia to spend what time we’ve got left with my DDs. I couldn’t bare the thought of the youngest going. AIBU to want us both to emigrate?

What do you mean "usual farmer's wife"? In my experience, women who farm are hard working, adaptable and resilient.
If you've decided it's not really for you, talk to your DH about it. You may not get an Australian visa anyway, so plan for holidays.
Either way, things may have to change.

Maybe he doesn't think there's more to life? Do you think he's not content?

I read all your posts OP sp forgive me if I have missed an answer to this but what happens if your youngest daughter gets there, doesn't like it and wants to move home?

I dont think YABU to consider moving if your 2 daughters and grandchildren are out there. But your DH is also NBU to not want to move. It sounds like this is quite a few years away and by the time it comes around there is a chance your DH will be less mobile and even less interested in moving.

I guess all ye can do is keep the conversation open until you actually have to decide. Best of Luck!

This is becoming boring now. It’s amazing the number of posters who know how every farmers mind works. Not everyone is the same you know, that would be a boring old world. If we ever get the chance to go we will discuss the pluses and minuses, that’s what a marriage is for, give and take. I’ve spent 30 odd years in a cold farmhouse, I think it’s time to look again. Even if we don’t go we will be leaving this farm for pastures new. I know plenty who have moved on and survived to tell the tale! Shock horror! I can see the posts, poor chap! I never refer to men as chaps. It makes them sound ancient

Why did you stay in a "cold farmhouse" for 30 years?.

Thank you. It is a big decision for my youngest DD and her and her DH are very very kean. We have spent a few holidays there. I know it’s not the same as living there , I have moved about quite a bit and she knows from my stories that she has to give it 2 years at least. I’m sure they will love it once they get settled. It’s such a great lifestyle.

I think hardly anyone on the thread has suggested that the OP shouldn't go. She just needs to go without her husband.

Cause it’s freezing! It was built in about 1539 or something. No double glazing or central heating gets rid of those drafts coming from the barn attached. How I’d love a new kitchen and warmth at the touch of a button. We have a cold fired Rayburn and a wood burner

So, there was nothing you could do in 30 years to improve that?

Oh please! You could have easily made it warm and cosy. And yes, I have been there and done that. Literally.

I didn’t realise we had a member of the Australian Immigration Board here. I’m well impressed

Well done!

Did you ever “discuss” your unhappiness with your husband over the last three decades about loving in this “cold farmhouse”?

or at least a new kitchen?

And this is you on holiday and having a marvellous time?

Why are you being so sarcastic?

She is in denial.

???

What it does mean is that presumably this is something she has wanted for many years, quite desperately, but her husband has said no. And not changed his mind.

No once again you are far from the truth! He’s done loads to the house. You don’t really think it came with central heating and double glazing did you?

He was born in to it.

You described your “cold farmhouse” and you described how desperate you were for a new kitchen. You. So you have never asked husband?

He may even have said "I'll think about it" for 30 years. Now we know about the house I'm wondering if he's playing the same trick on the promised retirement and house move. I know and have known a few old farmers from generations of farming stock. They've all died in harness or are still in harness, retiring doesn't seem to be a big thing on their agenda. Farming isn't a job you just stop one day, it's a way of life.

I never said I was unhappy. I said I would like a new start in Australia. Why did you put discuss in “ “?

Especially one who was actually born on the farm and has never ever lived anywhere else.

I wonder what reason he gave for never even wanting to visit Australia for a holiday?

You are desperate for a new kitchen

Have you never discussed this with your husband?

You’re going too deep now. There’s no conspiracy going on. It’s a cold house that’s all. As are many old farmhouses.