Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

[Trainissue]

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

They were out together - she didn’t ring him from the train whilst he was home and ask him to come to the station to guard the toilet!

Having respect and caring for the person you love is not just a 1950s thing, astonishingly

How long have you been together and do you live together?

It would be normal for a loved one to have got off the train with you in this circumstance. Actually, even a decent friend would. Did he not consider the safety implications? He was more focused on his own 'immediate' needs.

The question is, is this typical behaviour towards you? Or is it a (hopefully) one off blip?

I’ve been thinking about this thread and came back to it this morning… WTF am I reading? The batshit posts about infantilising women, slagging off the notion of chivalry…. I’m bloody glad I don’t have people like those posters in my social circles!!

How about, decent human beings act in a caring manner towards other humans. In this instance the partner was not a decent human.

Hope you’re okay now OP.

Ditch the dude and definitely DO NOT have kids with this wanker. He’s a selfish git and clearly telling you that he won’t take responsibility for anyone other than himself.

I don't think chivalry actually has anything to do with it; you would expect any friend to get off the train with a friend they were travelling with in this circumstance.

Not because they are needed to wipe their bottom, or guard the loo or anything else, but simply because when travelling from A to B together, it is normal to stick together - and all the more so if one is suffering from a physical complaint. And yes, it may be a natural function, but it was clearly inconveniencing the op in a way that went beyond a normal procedure.

The first person to mention infantilising was responding to a post about the DP bringing immodium and a change of underwear for the op, but I assumed that was just in jest.

He sounds like a bellend. Sorry, OP.

There's no way my husband would leave me either, which is just as well because he'd be hurt if he did 😆

Totally out of order, OP, just like the loos on the train.

How long have you been together and do you live together? Personally, that would be a deal breaker for me - he clearly doesn't care enough about you to just get off the damn train with you?

This is a huge red flag. It seems he doesn't care about you. Has anything similar like this happened before?

My DH would never leave me in this situation.

What are you going to do OP?

Your name alpha says it all… where is being taken care of when you’re vulnerable? Man or woman?

This thread has nothing to do with chivalry or any male/female dynamic. The norm would be to get off the train with your travelling companion no matter who they were. Their gender is irrelevant.

Shocking behaviour. So uncaring

Yes he should have got off the train with you .. however you’re also catastrophizing here - you told him the trains were quite regular and you could catch one about 15 mins later, you did indeed get one yourself after about 20 mins, yet you’re complaining that it could have been late or cancelled 🧐 So if you really were concerned that it could be late or cancelled, why not tell him that instead of telling him it would be fine as they’re regular? 😵‍💫

He cares more about out his next pint than you.

I think I'd have been fine but yeah, I'd have preferred if he'd have got off and waited for next train. But there's not much point catastrophising about the train being cancelled or a drunk person doing something horrible to you. Those things didn't happen and presumably you were fine?

I hope you explain to him that next time you'd like him to please get off the train with you.

I voted YANBU because it is partner-like / companiable to adapt to someone’s needs if you are on a night out with them. And DH’s and DWs would normally stick together.

But as a woman who frequently travels on trains and buses on my own late at night I don’t buy into the ‘to protect you’ stuff, and I don’t think it is useful or empowering for women for male partners to think that women should not be on a train platform without male protection.

It was just not very friendly or empathetic to abandon you. And he shouldn’t have been telling you you could hold on, either.

Was there any imperative to be there at a planned time, to claim a booked table or something?

What a nasty person you sound. Let’s hope you never get an ‘inconvenient’ illness, shall we?

No need for the personal attack. My "name" is entirely meaningless and irrelevant. I offered my opinion. In my opinion, needing a poo doesn't make you "vulnerable". OP could have said "I'd really like if you stayed with me" but it doesn't seem like she did.

It does very much so if have IBS. You clearly don’t know what it’s like.

Surely that's worse though? They are usually 15 minutes but could be delayed, but where was he going? Just to the pub, so he'd rather sit on his own in the pub than make sure his girlfriend was ok in case the train was delayed and she was on her own.

Les imagine you are on the train home with your friend perhaps your best friend. They feel unwell and need to get off. Would you get off too and make sure they are ok or stay on and go to the pub? I don’t know why we let men treat us in a way our friends wouldn’t.

Thats really mean behaviour i wouldn't be happy with that.
Hope you're feeling better.

Id have not wanted someone getting off a train and waiting outside the loo if I had an upset stomach. Personally can't see the big deal