Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

[Trainissue]

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

He is her partner and they were on a date. It's nothing to do with him being a chaperone- unless you think that's what he was doing the rest of the day?

There's no way my husband wouldn't have also got off the train with me in this scenario. He's not much of a partner to you op, is this really good enough for you?

He should have got off with you - I have IBS and I know how painful it is but also how bad it makes you feel when you just have to go, the pain, the sweating, I often feel faint too - I often say it’s like your body feels it has poison in it and it needs to immediately eject it. I feel for you OP as that was a stressful situation for you and he added to that stress. I’m sorry. My DH would never have left me on my own in that situation.

I cant beleive she risked a random station. At my local station that is in London and has local, and mainline trains, trams and tubes, the toilets are often closed at night. There is no way to know if a stations toilets will be closed.

What on earth was she going to do if that was the case. Or better yet my friend takes immodium on a nigbt out to control her IBS.

So in other words, you were trying to be demeaning.

There are plenty of ways of making the point that the DP might get tired of the impact of her issues and that it isn't a medical emergency without being crude about her predicament.

i cant understand his unsupportive selfish behaviour.
Is he generally self centred and unsupportive?

Why for telling the truth? What could be have done? Wiped her arse for her she's capable of getting a train herself

He wasn’t very nice. Why didn’t you actually say I want you to stay with me because sometimes people, even partners etc. Need you spell it out.
I only say this very I’m very independent and would normally go no don’t stay, but would then expect my DH to magically know when I do want him to stay.

My local train station doesn't even have toilets 🤷

Quite and there would be no way to know that.

Honestly if she is bad to the extent of soiling herself then she needs medication.

I agree with everyone. If my DH needs to stop for any reason, then I stop too. If I need to stop for any reason then he stops too. I would do this with friends. Even with colleagues. I can't think how far down the social contact ladder a person would have to be for be not to do this with them.

@MyPlumHelperthat’s why she needed the support someone help her - she wasn’t going to stay on the train and have an accident - so he should have got off and helped her. Immodium has its own consequence for those with IBS.

Jeezo. Op, I’m sad to read this. This is slang for, I don’t care about you. He doesn’t. He’s not a keeper.

Can you explain what he cpuld have done if they'd got off the train, no toilets and she soiled herself? At least if she'd stayed on the train they'd be home sooner.

What was he supposed to do?

The OP needs to plan better and take immodium.

There's something a bit fetishising about this thread. Where has the op gone anyway

Yanbu. My husband would have got off with me to make sure I was alright.

The age of chivalry is dead in this instance. Not a gentleman.
Not thoughtful or kind.
A poor example of a man.

I actually woke up thinking about this thread because it annoyed me so much. In past relationships I’ve had that terrible lightbulb moment when you realise the other person just doesn’t see you the way partner should, or even a friend. That chasm opens up in your chest when you realise someone you love doesn’t care about you, and would happily abandon you to do the thing they actually want. I don’t think it’s recoverable.

i would honestly end it over this.

I'm super independent and would still want my partner to get off the train with me in this case, especially as if you had not made it you might have needed help, toilets could have been closed etc.

Same here! I think we're in the minority though...

Gentleman? Are we back in the 1950s?

How on earth do single woman cope without a man?

That conjured up an image of a Chretien de Troyes style Arthurian romance: "Perceval and the Chivalric Attendance at his Lady's🚽 Chamber Pot" or some such legend.

He’s done this to try make a point that you were ‘being ridiculous’, what a callous man. LTB

How long have you been with him?

I’m also in the minority. When chivalry morphs into infantilising adult women it becomes self-defeating.

I would rather my H was comfortable in a pub than stuck on a train platform outside the loos.

Sorry for your stomach troubles OP, I hope you are feeling better today.

Infantilising? Have a word.