Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

[Trainissue]

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

Bowel issues aren't super attractive and I think I would prefer to shit alone and in peace and catch up with him later.

It doesn't matter what we make of it. You want the sort of partner who gets off the train with you and he isn't it. So it's for you to decide if the compromise is one you want to make.

He couldn't give less of a shit about you, huh? Condescension to top it off. Charmer.

Myself and my ex / childs dad who is a very difficult man generally got off a train with me when I was feeling sick a few months ago coming back from a day trip - loos on that train were also not working. Our child was obviously there and wanted to go watch trains from a bridge and he insisted on standing outside the ladies loos because he thought it could be unsafe - this was around 9pm so not even that late. I am so sorry your DP left you - both feeling unwell and at a random train station!

I can't believe you actually went to meet him at the pub. He is showing you 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' levels of respect.

Just like the confidence you have that he can live his life without you, then.

People get ill, he should have cared, not been a selfish dick.

I sat with my mum whilst she died. I'm confident she could have died without me. it's just bellendery. He's a twat.

How long you been together.

He’s not caring at all.

Is anyone else doing a Rachel from Friends ‘I got off the train’ thing in their head?

I’m very independent and very private and therefore can’t conceive of asking someone - anyone - to interrupt their journey so I could pooh.

I recognise that I am very much in the minority here though!

Surely it would be the norm in those circumstances to get off the train with whoever you were travelling with - a friend, family member, anyone. He doesn't like you much, does he? You deserve much better than this.

That’s just not kind. Most people even if with just a friend would get off with them. He’s your partner!
not good enough behaviour.

Appalling behaviour from him. You were travelling together, to the same place, and he left you behind without a second thought.

Definitely don't go hiking up a mountain with him! If you have an accident or walk slowly you'd be abandoned in the wilderness.

Sometimes men do something that makes you entirely reassess their trustworthiness and place in your life. This is one of those moments.

I wouldn’t even let a friend of a friend get off a train alone and let’s be honest you had no choice what an arse

I'm so sorry, OP. I have IBS and know a little about sudden digestive discomfort. My fiancé is incredibly supportive and wouldn't dream of not getting off the train with me. I don't know what to say other than he was incredibly insensitive and just not like the partner he should be.

YADNBU! He's waving his red flags and showing just how (un)important you are to him. I can confidently say it would never enter my DH head not to get off the train with me and wait. You deserve better.

My DH has similar issues. No way on earth I'd leave him and just carry on to the pub. How horrible

Presumably when OP expected him to get off the train she meant just that, get off the train, not go in the cubicle and wipe her arse.

Is he a serious boyfriend or have you just started going out? I probably wouldn't want to go out with him again.

This resonated with me. I agree he definitely should have got off with you. I dated a man id known for many years previously as a friend. He continued to treat me like one of his mates and was something he would have probably done. Didn’t see being a gentleman or caring for me as a priority and did prioritise drinking and his own needs over mine. This is one of the reasons I stopped dating him and as pushing 60 years old I was tired of expecting more. They show you the best of themselves early on in a relationship. I’d be interested to know how long he has been a DP and if there has been other examples of selfishness?

Hell no. My husband would NEVER let me get off the train alone, even during the day he'd get off the train and wait for me. My husband would have every confidence that I could do this alone, but he would still stay with me.

I think, in that situation, it's just a basic courtesy to get off the train together, and then continue travelling together. I know that my husband would get off and wait, as would my friends. I would do the same for them.

I’ve got a chronic illness and sometimes need to use/find a loo urgently. I’d be hurt if anyone I was with didn’t come with me.

No way on earth my DH would have left me there.

Throw him back. Sounds like an alcoholic or just has no concern for you.

Does your life generally centre around your sickness, he's regularly having to support you for being ill, and he's just tired of having to accommodate it?

It doesn't matter at all by the way how sick you are or whether it's your fault, before anyone starts, and you absolutely CAN be a decent person and just get fed up accomodating other people's illnesses - it's normal, human nature and doesn't make anyone an (insert insult here)

If not, he was being a twat. If so, well I'd cut him some slack.

I mean as your husband he should probably have wanted to make sure you were OK & safe so should got off with you.

but then you are also a grown ass adult & so should be capable of just getting on with it on your own.

so sat on the fence here but Husband is still a dick