Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

[Trainissue]

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

Nope, not ok. Sorry op.

Actions speak louder than words.

As someone who is suffering stomach issues atm you have my full sympathy.

Sorry you’re also suffering with a selfish partner too.

What time was it?

What an arse. My dh has ibs we have made stops and changed plans so many times and its just a given to make it a priority. I wouldn't even consider leaving him like it was an inconvenience.

It doesn’t matter. When you’re out with your partner, you just don’t behave like that. For what? He was so desperate to get an extra drink or something? No. It doesn’t matter if it was a bright sunny afternoon, or a pouring dark evening.

I have stomach issues similar to what you’ve described and my DH would 100% have got off the train with me.

If you were meeting friends/if he was going to order a meal, or if it was last orders, then it might be reasonable as long as you were happy with that. But if you made it clear you weren't, then no.

He just said after that he wouldn’t have been any help and that he has confidence in my ability to go to the loo and get the train without him.

I've got issues with my bowel and very often get sudden flare ups and have little to no warning of needing a loo

My Dp is also a bit rubbish that's an understatememt with feelings and understanding emotions

Even he wouldn't have left me to use a train station loo alone and continue travel without him

Is your Dp generally a nice person? Is this just one lapse or a pattern of similar behaviour

No, that's no ok. My husband would never do that. I would think very little of anyone who did.

My husband wouldn’t leave me if it was just because I was bursting for a wee let alone if it was a medical issue. YANBU.

He just showed you that his next drink was more important than you.

So did you tell him explicitly that you found his behaviour hurtful and unacceptable? I imagine a sarcastic thank you would go in one ear and straight out of the other.

This. Is he a sauce monster? Because it sounds like his priority was getting drink down his neck.

My DP has his issues but he'd never abandon me like that

Translated as "I couldnt be arsed, wanted to get to the pub. Stop making me feel guilty for being a total shit" (pun intended).

I get it, when I need to go I need to go NOW.

That was pretty crap. Definitely not deserving of DP.

Awful behaviour from your DH. The only situation I would do that in, is maybe with an acquaintance and we were going to different places and I had a deadline like the school run or another train to catch. I'd never in a million years do that to my partner and he'd never do that to me.

What other horrible things does he do?

What a dick

When you tell him it’s over he’ll tell his friends ‘I don’t really know what happened, she just finished with me completely out of the blue’ and he’ll do a little shrug.

That’s not the point! You can do your own cooking and cleaning and everything too, but would he just leave it for you?!

he should have got off with you

I suspect he is not a keeper. I don't know your circumstances but I wouldn't think he was good father material either. I remember a very new boyfriend driving me to a clinic for a biopsy, picking me up afterwards and taking the rest of the day off to sit with me to keep me company and wait for the anaesthetic to wear off properly. Yes, I married him.

Seriously, it would be different if you were rushing for last orders?!

My husband would have got off the train.