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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset DP didn’t get off train with me

213 replies

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

OP posts:
LittleGreenShoots · 09/08/2026 21:45

The only way this would have been possibly understandable is if there were big suitcases with you both on the luggage racks of the train that would have been unwieldy to load off and back on to the next train. In that circumstance I could maybe see my husband going ahead to the pub with the luggage instead. But he'd still check with me if I was comfortable with the suggestion.

diddl · 09/08/2026 21:45

Surely if you are out together you stay together?

RunningRhino · 09/08/2026 21:45

He had nothing to rush for and should have stayed, I’m sorry OP.

TheFormerMrsTruelove · 09/08/2026 21:47

You went into the pub to meet him? I would have marched straight past the pub and taken myself home. What a selfish fuck. Why are you with him? I wouldn’t let a colleague get off by herself from a works do, let alone someone I love more than anyone else. Where is his care for you?

ThatWasGreek · 09/08/2026 21:49

I actually fell in love with my husband because we were on the tube and I said I needed the toilet and he said ‘let’s get off then’ so we did and we went to a pub so I could go. I just thought what a lovely man he was for not thinking it was an inconvenience. We’ve been married for twenty five years now and I was right because he is so considerate.

OnTheBoardwalk · 09/08/2026 21:50

No I’m sorry this is shitty behaviour (sorry too soon) he should have absolutely got off the train with you and 20 mins from home got a taxi home. No waiting in train stations or pubs for him to have a drink

Dubaichocolates · 09/08/2026 21:50

He doesn’t like you that much sorry

ToadRage · 09/08/2026 21:52

My husband would never leave me alone out late at night. He has IBS so he would probably understand your stomach issues more than me but if either of us needed to get off for any reason we would stay together.

Alittlefrustrated · 09/08/2026 21:58

leonardandpenny18 · 09/08/2026 20:38

I definitely don’t agree with what he did.

However, you made out like it was only 15 mins for next train to suggest he was unreasonable but when you were by yourself, you said there was no guarantees it wouldn’t be cancelled or late? Both can’t be true.

I thought this too.
Do you think he considers you to be over anxious/dramatic OP?
Edited to say I can obviously understand you feeling anxious at the thought of no loo, given your condition.

SeeMeRun · 09/08/2026 22:04

My pal (who has IBS) used to need urgently if she’d eaten junk food. So although I wouldn’t have ever left her to get off a train on her own I may have been a bit annoyed if she only needed due to some self-inflicted poor choices. She used to cancel plans last minute due to IBS flare up caused by her eating kebabs the night before!

Leopardspota · 09/08/2026 22:05

I’d have got off and reboarded with whoever I was travelling with! Unless it was someone I was travelling with accidentally (a work colleague or someone I casually
bumped in to) That’s the normal thing to do. I’d have found it bizarre if my husband / friend/ relative said ‘oh right, I’ll meet you there then’ wtf

Ponderingwindow · 09/08/2026 22:10

I still vividly remember how my ex husband did something similar to me one night and it was like 35 years ago.

Anonbakerylady · 09/08/2026 22:12

Oh no, it would be one thing if he went ahead so he could get home and bring the car back to you, but to go ahead and sit in the pub is really shitty.

MyArtfulGreySloth · 09/08/2026 22:12

How uncaring. He’s a knob.

PollyBell · 09/08/2026 22:14

A one off i would get off of but I get tired when people make their illness all about them and yes are very dramatic about it, i would not have wanted dh waiting around would have preferred him at the pub then I wouldn't feel rushed and am a big girl can look after myself

And no he wouldn't have rushed me i would have felt it regardless

Screamingabdabz · 09/08/2026 22:16

I’d get off the train of this relationship op. He’s a dick who has no care for you.

LejlaKapovic · 09/08/2026 22:18

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

He should have gotten off with you. In my circle, you always stay together on an outing. Maybe not everyone if it's a large group, but we don't ever leave someone behind by themselves. Especially if they are not feeling well and it's late at night.

Whiteshapelz · 09/08/2026 22:19

No this is not normal.
This is the behaviour of a man who couldn't care less about you.

I really hope this isn't all you think you deserve.
Definitely not someone to marry or have children with.

He certainly isn't in love with you, or even cares that much.

For your own sake, believe him.
He has shown you where you stand.

Franjipanl8r · 09/08/2026 22:21

It’s just a really odd thing to do. If I was travelling with someone I’d get off the train with them and we’d do the journey together. Friend, relative or partner. Why would he even want to go to the pub by himself, it’s really strange.

Oliwiaa · 09/08/2026 22:22

diddl · 09/08/2026 21:45

Surely if you are out together you stay together?

Yes, this! Of course you were capable but the whole point of going out together is to actually spend time with each other.

Not normal behaviour, what a dick.

Freakyfriday777 · 09/08/2026 22:23

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

Wow. Posts like this make me realise how bloody lucky I am! Not to rub salt in the wounds either. We were on a lovely lovely day out yesterday with lots of friends and my husband was drunk and having the best day with our friends and children etc. despite this, when I unexpectedly got a horrible onset of diarrhoea (not infectious cause) I told him and he immediately said right shall I pack up and let’s get you home! Even though he would have been gutted he never showed it and his first thought was me. We didn’t end up needing to go, but I felt reassured knowing it would never have been an issue if I’d needed to. You poor thing op, I hope he has lots of other lovely qualities and this is just a terrible blip. Xx

Garfieldloveslasagnepie · 09/08/2026 22:24

Just read this to DH. Even he is gobsmacked.

Freakyfriday777 · 09/08/2026 22:26

Garfieldloveslasagnepie · 09/08/2026 22:24

Just read this to DH. Even he is gobsmacked.

Same! My husband said “what a DICK!”

knottywig · 09/08/2026 22:26

How long have you been together?
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them.

TreesinthePark · 09/08/2026 22:27

Trainissue · 09/08/2026 20:27

Long time lurker and finally had cause to post here myself.

I went to a nearby city with my DP yesterday where we had some drinks and dinner. We travelled by train and had planned to have a drink and watch some live music when we arrived home at the pub opposite the station.

I suffer from some stomach issues which unfortunately flared up on the way home. There was an announcement on boarding that the toilets were out of use (no idea why, people were not happy and were just told of complaints procedure).

About 20 minutes from home, I told DP I’d need to get off at the next station to use the loo to avoid an accident. He just said he was sure I could hold on. No chance, I said the trains are quite regular so we could catch the next one about 15 minutes later.

He said he’d go on to the pub and meet me there. So I got off on my own and waited for the next train. It was quite late, dark and lots of drunk people around so it was somewhat uncomfortable.

I did board the next train after about 20 minutes waiting but there’s no guarantee this wouldn’t have been late or cancelled. I really think DP should have got off with me.

YABU - he was right to stay on the train
YANBU - he should have gone with you

YANBU

I'd have got off and waited in these circumstances with even a colleague after a work trip or something. Would never imagine leaving a close friend, relative and definitely not a spouse.