My brother was horrid to me last night

[youdeserveit]

I’m keeping this slightly vague as it would be very outing if a select few people read it!

I have a brother who is significantly older than I am. My existence has always been a sore point for him.

I saw him yesterday and in the space of about three hours he was just absolutely vile to me:

• I’m non clinical in the NHS. He thinks that “people like me” are the reason the NHS is “fucked” - because I’m taking ten days holiday. It was really quite nasty, he went on and on about how it shouldn’t be allowed, how people in the public sector are lazy and don’t want to work. Never mind that he’s off on a three week holiday in December!
• I live at home. He called me a “freeloading piece of shit” because I’m not paying £1,000 a month rent. He lived at home until a similar age, and when he did move out he moved into a friend’s house where he paid for bills and food only. I have had a discussion with my parents today and they have reassured me that they do not feel this way.
• He said he thinks it’s “utterly pathetic” that I travel alone. He thinks I should grow up and, in his words, “find a man” to travel with.

AIBU to just not want to see him again any time soon? I found it really hurtful. I do struggle sometimes with feeling a little insecure about my position in life, but I also have to reflect on the fact that the economy is not easy right now and I know that all of my friends are in the same situation.

Jesus, anyone who spoke to me like that would have their arse handed back to them. Next time - if you decide to be there when he visits - just say 'You sound completely deranged, Jeff' and walk out of the room.

I dont talk to my brother either because hed a complete tosser like yours.

It sounds like he resents not being an only DC. I asked my DD when she was about 6 what she wanted for her birthday. She said she really wanted to be an only DC again. I was speechless as she had a 3 year old brother but had clearly not got over not being an only DC anymore. As an adult she laughs about this now but at the time it really worried me.

I’d certainly have a word with him if he was my child and speaking to my other child in that manner. I wouldn’t be able to ignore it. Many grown kids live with parents still these days, he is from a different generation when life was cheaper.

Go very low contact but say nothing about it. Next time he’s due over, go out. Avoid as much as you can. He sounds really nasty.

Does he think us NHS workers don’t pay tax ourselves?

He sounds like a fucking idiot.

Well, I wouldn't be bothering with anyone, ever again, who spoke to me like this. I think you are unreasonable to even ask the question.

Life's too short to hang out with people like that. He doesn't deserve you as a half sister

You can distance yourself from him without making it too obvious. He sounds obnoxious.

That is horrible! He sounds so resentful.

I know people with much older siblings who are adored by them, almost like another parent. A little sister or brother needs encouragement, not to be put down.

I wonder if he is like that with everyone. Does he have a partner or friends?

You shouldn’t feel responsible for keeping the family peace OP, when your half brother is deliberatly coming round uninvited to have a go at you.

It’s like a sport for him and you are willing to let it happen. There is no merit whatsoever in being around him to be verbally abused just to keep the family peace. You don’t need permission to help yourself when someone is verbally abusing you. It’s not impolite or bad manners to refuse to be in his firing line.

Either let your dad sort him out or stand up to him yourself. It can’t be that difficult as he is talking nonsense anyway. “Take your boring bullshit elsewhere Fred, I’m sick of hearing it, you silly old fool”

If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then self preservation should kick in and you refuse to answer the door to him, or you remove yourself from his company by going to your room or leaving the house. You don’t need an excuse as you already have one. He is abusive. It isn’t rude to walk away from him. You are in no way obliged to sit and let him insult you until he’s finished.

At a family gathering, when he makes a bee line for you, you go and stand or sit away from him with other people or you leave after explaining why to your host. “I’m sorry to have to leave early today but I need to avoid Fred as he is verbally abusive towards me, thank you for inviting me, it’s been lovely”

I hope you can give him a mouthful before avoiding him altogether for ever more.

Regarding point one - employees taking their annual leave entitlement shouldn't bring any national institution to its knees. In fact we're legally required to take holiday, and for good reason. Ridiculous. 😂

Points two and three - it's one thing wanting your sister to have her own home and a fulfilling life with a nice partner, or wanting to share tips on managing finances.
It's another thing for a grown man to spend three hours insulting a younger woman with personal slights. Yuck! 😖

I wouldn't take life advice from someone like him and you shouldn't either. 😁

I am sorry your brother acted like a rude idiot. He sounds like he has some serious issues.

Not wanting to see him is perfectly reasonable. But don't let this bully be the reason you miss family events. Find an ally and stick to them, don't give him the satisfaction of messing up your life. ❤️

Would I be right in guessing that this delightful specimen of male humanity is single and has never been married. He sounds like a stupid, entitled, misogynistic twat. If you choose to go LC, then I highly recommend practicing the Grey Rock Technique so that he has nothing to work with.

Sounds just like my brother-even down to the exact same age difference! We're full siblings tho.

It's jealousy I think. I see a lot of resentment on here from older siblings against younger ones. It really saddens me.

My brother is convinced I was spoilt but in reality our parents were not well off at one point and I was having to wear hand me down boys' clothes. I was also pretty young when we lost our dad. He got all that extra time with him. They will never see things from our point of view or that being the youngest isn't all rainbows.

He also HATED the fact I lived at home. Things were a lot easier back in the 90s for him to get a place. I mean god I think he paid my parents £20-£25 a week rent back then before he moved out! Can you imagine? But do I bring it up and go "Oh you had it sooo good" no because what's the point? We both had advantages and disadvantages to our birth order.

I'm now NC-it's wonderful not having to deal with his attitude and bad moods. He's almost totally alone these days, I don't think he hardly sees anyone. Just as well really! It's absolutely shitty of a much older sibling, especially a male to treat a sister like this.

Has he always been a rude twat or has this started up recently?

Just tell to shut the fuck up and fuck off.

Just ask your parents to give you ample warning when he’s coming over as you don’t want to be there. You can do a quiet NC very easily.

So he thinks you should work for free?

I’ve had similar comments from my family (I also work in the public sector). And it’s so disheartening. I worry about Reform winning the next election, because Nigel Farage seems to think we’re all lazy too.

In my line of work, they struggle to recruit to the posts. If it were that cushy, surely they would have people queuing up for the jobs. But they can’t attract anyone with the right qualifications, because they don’t pay enough money.

Was he drunk or high?

I haven't seen my twatty brother for 10 years. My mum just had to get over it.

He was very unkind to you. It hurts more when a family member says horrible things. Did you stand up for yourself? If not send him an email similar to your post on here also telling him never to speak to you like that again. He sounds an arrogant person.

Your brother is a fucking nasty bullying misogynist. Those types will find anything, no matter how ridiculous, to use as a stick to beat you with. I’d have nothing more to do with him. If one of mine spoke to their siblings like that even once, they’d not be welcome round my house until they sincerely apologised. And I’d have let your dad give him that smack.

So he was about 7 or 8 when his dad left him and his mum?

Its obv not your fault but he hates you and probably hates your dad for leaving him at such a young age, and the fact you’ve had him all to yourself for the best part of 30 odd years will seem grossly unfair to him.

There’s no point arguing with someone like that or trying to discuss things rationally. Whatever you say will be wrong and offensive to him. How does he treat your mum out of interest?

If your Dad is dying to say something, why don’t you let him?

Your brother says this shit because there are no consequences. Someone has to put up a boundary. Let your Dad do it.

The idea that parents should never call their adult children’s behaviour out is an odd one. Good friends tell you when you’ve been out of order. Why shouldn’t your parents? Your DB is being abusive - he needs to realise you’re not his emotional punching bag.

This is an excellent point and one that should be used by everyone when some daft sod says this 👏🏻