Old flame says my son is his

[PeterPansCaravan]

In short I got pregnant when I was 22. I am still with the father and I’m now 45.

Recently an old flame got in touch. Says he’s convinced he’s the father of my son. He says we got really drunk at a party and slept together. I have no recollection of this happening.

He sent me photos of himself at the same age as my son and they are more or less identical.

I don’t know what to do about the situation. I’m in bits about it all.

My DH and I have 3 other children and have a good relationship.

No judgement please.

I realise this is just me, but where is the backdated child support then ?

If you look hard enough, anyone can look like anyone else at a young age. Either that or he, at best, took advantage while you were drunk, or at worst, raped you while at a party and drunk. I’d block and move on.

Why now? What's prompted this?

I’d tell your husband - that you ex is claiming to have raped you when drunk. I don’t know how the timing works - were you already with your husband?

Is the story plausible - did you often get blind drunk? Did you go to a party he was at around the time you conceived?

@IHaveTraumaFromAlfredHitchcocksTheBirds prh47bridge is a laywer and well adversed in legal definitions and legal requirements

This. ^ How did he find you @PeterPansCaravan ? How did he know your married name? How did he know when your son was born?

So many questions really.......

I’ve never had drunk sex. Two partners, been with/married to the second for 34 years.

Sex with someone who is so drunk she was unaware of it at the time is sex with someone incapable of giving consent. Thus, rape.

'Maybe she raped him?' What an absolutely ridiculous thing to say. Women cannot rape men!

Just when I thought I'd seen it all! Give your head a wobble!

Yes it does mean rape. The fact that juries are reluctant to commit is meaningless when less rape has an overall conviction rate of less than 2%.

I don’t see how this is helpful, given it was over 20 years ago.

Fucking HATE the rape bollocks. Absolute utter, damaging, bollocks.

I've had huge amounts of incredibly consential wild sex after drinking and parties that I literally cannot remember in the morning. Yes, I had a drink problem and no, I was not 'obviously' drunk. The poor men wouldn't have had any idea that I lose my memory so easily.

OP I'd have to do a DNA or it would kill me forever!

Exactly this

We don't know that she couldn't consent - only that she doesn't remember. If it happened. He could be a nutter. ----

Love the usual blame the man on here/ nothing at all about the possibility op had sex at a party while going out with her now husband or that she cheated while drunk. I can’t recall everyone had sec with in my late teens /early 20s but I was not raped

perhaps op needs to come back and give some actual context ….

I'm glad for you that this wasn't a traumatic experience, but the fact remains that you were drunk enough for your judgement to be significantly impaired and that means you were legally unable to consent.

If you decide to reply then reply with this.

We do know that she didnt consent if she was blackout drunk.

I'd be much more interested in where the 18 years of child support went myself ?

But as I noted, that's clearly just me.

WTF?

I honestly didn’t mean it to be judgey, I was asking if it was possible she’d have got so drunk she’d have slept with someone and not remember it.

I’d hold my hands up and say I did around that age but I know a lot of people wouldn’t. So it’d rule out what he’s claiming.

Exactly this. This bloke needs to be careful what he's wishing for.

Could be facing 7-10 years for rape.

He needs a restraining order. Block him for now though @PeterPansCaravan

Start taking action against him if he persists.

So lawyers get to decide that a man having sex with a woman who is blackout drunk isnt rape?

I was just trying to establish if what he’s saying was even possible, I clearly didn’t go about it well.