Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

His behaviour has reminded me of my first date with one of my DPs. He had spent the night before at a rave in Manchester (around two hours away), but despite being up most of the night he got home, bathed, and met me for around midday. That was twenty years ago, he kinda never left my house, we're still on the first date.
If the guy had really wanted to meet, he would have made an effort.

Not that I am cynical or anything but I’m wondering how long it will be before he does one of the following:

a) apologises and asks to meet again
b) starts to be an arse about it because you don’t reply.

There was an amazing thread when someone had been dumped by text and he had put “no need to reply” so she never did. No idea who it was but it was inspirational.

Given it sounds like he wasn’t interested, why would he?

And refusing to reply to a message which actually includes the words ‘no need to reply’ doesn’t sound like much of a gotcha!

Your guy wasn't passed out drunk though. Yes he shouldn't have got himself in that position in the first place though of course.

I don"t understand how that is inspirational? He dumped her and didn"t care if she replied or not, he wasn"t going to respond anyway?

See, I thought I was missing something too! Not getting the inspirational part 🤣

I suppose it might be the fact that she didn"t care enough to respond, so I suppose the lesson could be - Don"t oversell yourself on some random from the internet or a guy/girl you knew at Uni years ago who suddenly pops up again, get to know them for a long time before you get emotional when they act like an arse?

This!! He sounds absolutely dreadful.

You’ll be laughing about this one day soon with your nice new boyfriend!

But if the guy told her not to respond then she just did what they both wanted , I’m not seeing how that is a big deal

There was an amazing thread when someone had been dumped by text and he had put “no need to reply” so she never did. No idea who it was but it was inspirational.

I know the one you mean - the poster changed her name to RunningInTheRain for her second thread, because that’s how she coped (I think). She was dumped by text after two years and it nearly broke her, but she didn’t reply. She was indeed inspirational but we all felt her pain

He’s too old to behave like that. Major red flag for addiction issues.

Arrgh, what a total loser! Like everyone else says he's done you a favour be showing who he is early on. You went to all that trouble for him and he went on an all night bender! He seems still stuck at univesity age!

Sorry, haven’t explained it at all well.

She never responded and he got more and more pissed off that she didn’t - he sent loads of texts and she ignored them all. The grey rock was inspirational.

Probably still haven’t explained it well so will shut up and get back in my box!

So he didn"t really dump her then?

He did dump her but expected her to respond. Because he told her there was no need, she didn’t.

This was the thread:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text

Can’t believe how long ago it was. It’s quite a read.

Hope you’re doing ok.

What an absolute loser he is. Don’t be embarrassed. Everyone needs some child free adult company. But he definitely isn’t it 🤣

I was at my absolute best in my late 30’s and 40’s and so can you be.

I have read the thread now and still don’t see it as any kind of ‘win’ - he said don’t reply so she came on here to ask what she should say in reply.

If you sent a text like that, then someone not replying would just be the right thing to do as there isn’t a way to reply without sounding needy and lacking in any dignity

I’m not really sure what point you’re making.
It was the right thing to do. But from reading different threads on here, lots of people find it hard not to reply. Especially when they’ve been dumped / confused /really hurt.