Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

Just to add I also feel completely fine now, I just felt really shit on the day as I was looking forward to it and had got ready etc and made all the necessary arrangements. I have zero emotional impact from what he did other than drawing a complete line under him. Didn’t even think of him today. I agree it was better he did it then than after we’d met.

Rude. Just rude.

He’s within his rights to have a change of heart about meeting but to not at the very least acknowledge your message and express some remorse that he’d heavily inconvenienced you is very low. How arrogant of him.

Odd that you were talking everyday up until that point and hasn’t texted since.

Literally just had a message. It said he was truly sorry and he was absolutely out of order.

what a prince among men.

Just ignore it OP, you don’t waste your time on men like that

Took him 2 days?Unless I missed something?

Yes took him two days. And no I don’t intend to have anything to do with him.

Just block him op. Not worth the effort.

Glad to see you're feeling better!

It could be so much worse. You could be a 39-year-old who sleeps outside because you got so pissed. That's so embarrassing.

One thing I noticed was that you said it was a big deal to be away from your daughter. If nothing else, maybe take this as a sign to focus on building a life that's not built entirely around being her mum. That will be good for both of you.

So apart from a mind boggling two days, he responded within 15 minutes of you saying he hadn’t? Wonder if he’s here?!

I genuinely get befuddled by men sometimes. They’re lonely, they’re single, they can’t find a nice woman etc etc etc then they somehow get texting with someone they already know and like and fuck it up! If he had cancelled a few hours previously, if he had texted something better, if he hadn’t left it two days to follow up, if this, if that, you might have been up for another shot at meeting him. But no, let’s fuck it up so we ensure you never want to see him, let’s fuck up the chemistry, let’s fuck up the ‘texting almost every day’ - he had it so good!

What are you going to respond with? Or not?

My god op what an absolute weirdo . Pls block before the classic bread crumbing starts.

@NoCommentingFromNowOn i doubt he’s on here. No im not going to reply, simply because I have nothing to say.

Completely ignore him, OP.

At best he’s a flake. At worst, sounds like an addict what with kipping outside and taking two days to reply/recover.

As usual, first post nailed it re dodging a bullet.

As our Press Office (at work) often tells us - sometimes the strongest form of words is no words at all …

That is really bad of him, and leaving it so late is not on. I can understand how bad it's made you feel. I'm out of the norm as I'm polyamorous, but one of my DPs had that at the weekend, a woman he's been friends with a long time who asked him to go to an event with her but then she proceeded to ignore him all night, not even acknowledging him when she got there. As I said to him, it's a horrible thing to do when people drop you like that, but also shows you what they would have been like. I'm on dating apps and have found that to be really good, once you separate the wheat from the chaff and get down to talking to good people.

I wouldn't be surprised if his negligent treatment was deliberate, including the claim to have kipped under a hedge.
In my scenario, he intended to see how far he could push you before you cut him off, probably encouraged by previous experience with women who will put up with any old mistreatment rather than be without a man.
(No offence to you or your charms. But it seems nothing is too dreadful for some men to try on with women)

I thought he’d message. Arsehole. Ignore and block.

I think you are assuming he has put way too much thought into this. They haven’t been out on a date yet and he clearly changed his mind about going out with OP. It’s not complicated.

He’s since sent another message saying he’s ashamed. Any feeling I had for him has been completely extinguished

Maybe he is ashamed but he should have thought of that originally.

Once I met a guy from a dating app (dated for almost a year) he was hungover when he arrived (told me) but wasn’t late and was very nice. Daytime date.

He's breadcrumbing, @Su1345.

Don't fall for it.

We’ll be doesn’t have much shame to tell you that.
He wants you to get the violin out.
Honestly, imagine beginning a relationship and he has already got the pity card out BEFORE the first date?!!

Or he changed his mind… it does happen and it’s not worth the angst

What can you even reply to that? “Ok… bad luck”?? What’s he trying to get, another date? FAFO mate.

Maybe he is ashamed but he should have thought of that originally.

Absolutely. I hope you did not reply