Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

We all live and learn in life and the op dodged a bullet. Onwards and upwards.

If block him now too. He was wither completely thoughtless towards your time or it was a test of how much will you put up with. He is jot worth another moment of your time.

i would be raging if it was a man wasting my time or a girl friend.

And I think you need to audition for the role of nice person, but there we are then.

Why are you trying to make OP feel worse about it? Honestly. Just leave go. She sounds like she’s over it.

Unless he’s 19, (and even then it’s still weird) the fact that he slept outside after a party, speaks volumes. I think you’ve had a lucky escape

@Hennypenny3 companionship and being someone’s priority. That’s it really. Though after today I’m not sure it’s worth the effort to find it! 🤣

What a selfish dick-head. You had a lucky escape. 💐

@ScallopShelled dd was collected an hour or so earlier than usual. Yes I would always make an effort to meet someone when there’s been flirtation and a build up to meeting. I was driving 45 mins he was (supposed to be) travelling an hour. He was the one instigating the flirting.

I don’t think I’ve misread any signs other than this is another example of a tragically immature grown man. There seems to be lots of them!

No she doesn't sound very vulnerable at all, you're making that up for god knows what reason. Is it to make yourself feel superior? The guy's an arsehole, she knows that and is basically over it now.

@ScallopShelled in what way do I sound vulnerable? 😅 I wasted a morning on a man, I felt like an absolute idiot and was fuming he’d wasted my time. Please explain the vulnerable part.

This. OP was fed up for a bit and she's over it now. She's no more vulnerable than anyone else.

He sounds immature and you dodged a bullet there. He will feel like a huge idiot later in the day when he wakes up from his drunken stupor again and will be regretful. I suspect he will try to re-book a date. I hope you block him. His loss. All the best, OP 💐

One good thing that has come out of this is for the first time I think since having DD I have done my make up and outfit and feel like I look nice. Older, but more like I used to feel when I used to date. I feel quite happy about this so the make up routine investment has at least given me some of my old confidence back!

This is great and maybe something to do once a week or so going forward. Not for any man but because it made you feel better and like your old self. Nothing to say you can't make an extra effort just for you and it making you feel good when the only thing in the diary is the supermarket or a walk in the park.

This! You are not stupid. You’ve not slept outside for a start. Hope you found something else to do with your day. It’s probably the build up of hope. And texting is dopamine hits, lots of little boosts that you get used to.

It’s probably the build up of hope. And texting is dopamine hits, lots of little boosts that you get used to.

I agree. The OP has every right to feel disappointed and annoyed. Neither of these things make her vulnerable, just human!

Go to a book shop, or even a charity shop bookshelf, and choose a nice book and go and find a really nice coffee shop and settle down to read a couple of chapters and go for a walk in the park.. You never know Mr Right might be in that bookshop, or in the coffee shop and your looking your best if he is! Don't be sad, this one wasn't mature enough for you.

Glad to read you have taken the positive of feeling good about getting dressed up, even though he let you down. I'm really sorry this happened to you, it's absolutely horrible to cancel when someone will already be on their way, and it's completely normal to be excited to meet up with an old friend, especially one who's been sending flirty messages.

Has he texted you since you said you were on your way OP?

Why make such a meal out of analysing your feelings? You’ve been let down, it’s annoying. So do something else.

Hey as much as you're disappointed he has done you a favour I mean what type of excuse is that at this age and half an hour before meeting..
We've all been here got ready make an effort only to be let down by people who won't be good enough for us.
I know you knew him from back in the day but take any dating with a pinch of salt in the beginning.
I wouldn't give him the time of day after this he done you a favour you will meet someone nice one day .. don't let it spoil your day x

You dodged a bullet there, he slept outside after a party, he sounds really immature, this could have been a very different post a few weeks down the line

Ugh when I was single I had a fair few cancellations and stand ups. It honestly really is their loss and your win. Can you imagine the stress of being with someone this flaky?

Of course the 'slept outside after a party' could be a complete lie. Maybe he's married? Maybe he never leaves the house and only pretends to be a social butterfly?

Whichever way, he's a total flake. He arranged to meet and then cried off and that is NOT the sort of man you want in your life, OP, not when you already have one child to be responsible for.

"Slept outside" sounds like "had a one night stand" to me.
Definitely dodged a bullet! Treat yourself to something nice!

THIS!!!