Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

I would guess that not only pissed himself and threw up over himself,and got thrown out. He saw himself in the gent’s mirror or someone said that he was such a smelly disgusting sight that he’d better duck out. He sounds like a druggy and an alcoholic , still behaving like a student. You had a near miss.

I have a major problem with your comment that this man might have been put off by OP having made an effort with her appearance. Who gives a f what his preferences might be? He’s clearly a man child. 39 years old drinking too much and ending up sleeping outside so cancelling a meet up at such short notice? It’s just the wrong way around to even be contemplating how to impress a man like him.

Half a day wasted = a good investment, you could’ve wasted the next half of your life on this immature loser!

You know what, I bet you look fab..take your dolled up self out to dinner! Also, I'm sure you can do better than a 40yr old who sleeps outside after a party!!! ...really😘

I agree with this! People should be honest with each other, there is too much pretending not to care, or telling lies instead of truths, in case the person reacts badly. Honesty and clarity is as important as boundary setting.

So, you are a responsible parent and adult and he parties most likely all night and then sleeps outside - who does that?
Leave well alone, you don't want to be a parent to 2 children. You are entitled to feel a little sorry for yourself, but do something to treat you, run a bath, watch a movie, grab lunch out and value your own company.

You’ve still got it OP, don’t worry about this guy. Have you gone on any of the dating apps? There is a dating app thread in Relationships somewhere.

I'm sorry you were let down but you have definitely dodged a bullet. The positive in this is that your ex was supportive in taking your daughter early which is nice to read compared to the shits we often hear about on here. Don't let it put you off and I hope you had a nice day to yourself.

He sounds like a loser! Well done for filtering him out so quickly. There will be better OP.

You will meet a lovely boyfriend. This was not him. I hope you've block deleted. Take care

Don’t beat yourself up, you’re an optimist, be grateful for that. It sounded a good idea when reading the situation. I’m a lot older than you, and a single mum who wasted a few years being with idiots who should have dropped out early on like your chap did. Good luck and be kind to yourself at your positive attitude to trying again, it’s not your fault he opted out. I guess if I am really being kind perhaps he just bottled it after a bad experience himself.

Good god you’ve dodged a bullet there ..our last night and presumably so drunk or high slept outside .
Thank your lucky stars he didn’t meet up with you .
Hope you had a lovely day by yourself !

Please do not flirt chat with him, best to block the loser.. Hope you had a lovely time out anyway x

OP I feel your pain - I'm also a single mum to a 4yo and she only goes to her dad one day a week, so my "me" time is very precious! Dating at this age/stage in life feels brutal - everyone seems to be single because they aren't suitable partners, or they've been damaged by someone else who wasn't a suitable partner. Disappointment feels more common than success :(

I also have a fantastic life, career and everything but I do miss having someone to have sex with and also give me a hug/some nice words when I've had a particularly shit day.

Hang in there, I'm sure there's someone out there for you! I've just met a guy and things seem to be going OK so far, although I'm so jaded I feel like I'm waiting for something to go wrong :/

I'd definitely not bother again with the guy that let you down though!

Please don’t do this! This would be giving him way more than he deserves.

He’s an absolute waster! Sleeping outside after a party and letting you down last minute at his age? Pathetic.

was it the reason why he cancelled that upset you? If it was a genuine medical emergency or something would you have felt differently?

He “slept outside after a party”?!! I think you’ve dodged a bullet with this one, but I’m sorry you are feeling sad.

I’m sorry you were let down but it’s the biggest favour he has done you. What an absolute loser, please demand better for yourself than some knob who falls asleep outside after a party or even that uses that crap as an excuse to cancel.

I’m honestly speechless never in my 30 something years on this planet have I ever been anywhere close to drunk enough (and I’m not one of those people who claims to have been drunk once in their life) that sleeping outside after a party was even a slight possibility 😂

OP , how old is he , 18? Slept outside after a party ? You need a man , not a manchild . Imagine if things progressed and he slept outside after another party and spoilt another day? You deserve better than this. You have had a lucky escape . Everything happens for a reason and this one is very obvious. Don’t waste energy sending further messages to him .

What a let down and, so late as well. What a feeble and rubbish excuse .. oh and what an idiot!
He is the one who should be feeling silly, not you.
Did you find something to do after all?? Hope so.
He was probably thinking oh that's ok, doing that once it'll be ok again, well it won't be. You have better things to do with your time than get let downs from men! Hope you are ok. Know how you felt but remember you are the better one! Go buy that big bar of chocolate and eat it yourself ... because you can xx

What a shit he is.

If that's the way he behaves on a first date it's definitely better to have avoided him.

OP, it's not your fault. You read the signs right in that he was flirty and interested. He just sounds like a cowardly wanker who got cold feet at the last minute.

But what man drags a woman out away from her child only to let her down?

He's a total shit. I'd like to give him a good talking to myself.

Not all men are like him but thank god you found out early.

It sounds like part of it is that you're miffed that he dicked you about, which is totally fair enough! I agree with the others that he's done you a favor by showing that he's not worth investing your time and energy in.

I don't understand why you feel silly - silly for being disappointed, or silly for dressing up and making an effort? The only reason this hasn't been a nice, fun get together is that he for whatever reason prioritized getting drunk over this meetup. It's no reflection on you at all.

To be honest, he is the one who sounds silly. Getting that drunk at the age of 39 that you pass out in someone's garden sounds pretty silly and even rather pathetic to me!

Don’t do this whatever you do.