Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

Go ahead and enjoy your childfree time today. Brunch, a bit of retail therapy and maybe get something nice for dinner tonight. Forget your loser date, who wants a 39 going on 19yo anyway?

You have nothing to be embarrassed about, unlike the man you were going to meet.

You were meeting a man you'd been flirting with and you made the effort to look your best for meeting him. That's all quite normal behaviour for an adult hoping to start a relationship. The fact that he's a shambolic piss head is not your fault or a reflection of your worth.

He sounds like a right idiot! So you sound better off.
Take yourself off out for the day and treat yourself.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I hope you go and do something nice with your day.

I'm sorry, that's disappointing.

But what you do now is important.
You have the option of letting this immature twat ruin your day.
Or you can do something for yourself that.you might enjoy and will take your mind off things. You're looking fabulous - are their any nice shops to waft around looking awesome? Coffee and a cake somewhere nice - call a mate to see if they can join & have a giggle at the nobhead? Or get your leisure wear on and take a long walk somewhere beautiful? Whatever floats your boat.

I can't think of anything worse than a man in his 40's who sleeps outside after a party and ducks plans 35 minutes beforehand.

It's totally natural to be disappointed that something you were excited about has been dropped from a height, but try and see the positives that you haven't got any more involved than a few messages with this joker.

Nothing to be embarrassed about there's better out there ..his loss.

Please don't feel silly, you've definitely dodged a bullet.
I'm sure you look lovely, go and enjoy some time. Shopping? A nice place for coffee?

No wonder he’s single

I’m sorry he’s being a dickhead. At least he’s showed you his red flags early so you don’t get sucked in! Could you go for a nice coffee somewhere or have a wander round a museum so your day isn’t wasted?

Well he doesn't know you were excited about it. Your excitement is simply a note to self that you are ready for a bit more in your life - dates, adult company, reasons to get dressed up.

I once stood up a man when I was in my twenties. I was very scatty and just forgot (because my ex called round and sweet talked me into going to the beach with him which ended up being a whole day outing) When I remembered, later that night, and got in touch with the man, he said the coolest thing ever: 'That's okay - I composed a sonata while I was waiting for you.' He was a musician. He turned me behaving badly into an opportunity for him to further his career. We never spoke again - he had standards. But I have admired him (and regretted my behaviour) ever since. Go and do your equivalent of composing a sonata - something that makes your life better.

Ah OP.

As much as this feels like a blow, you should take a deep breathe of relief. A 40 yr old man who had to sleep outside due to being drunk! Absolutely not. Nope.

While you are dressed up, can you go to a coffee shop, and order the nicest drink and a big slice of whatever takes your fancy. Or browse in a bookshop or any shop. It's a day you have free from parenting today and therefore you can and should do whatever you please.

Think of it more as a lucky escape. You could be sat across from a hungover man who stinks like old booze trying to make light of how he got into that state.

Honestly I'd rather walk around alone all dressed up and looking good, rather than be faced with that situation.

OP he’s a knob and you know it don’t you? A man who’s nearly 40 sleeping outside is grim to say the least… doesn’t he have a home to go to? The only people I’ve ever heard of doing that are usually drug users, they literally will sleep anywhere when they’re completely out of it especially after parties. The fact he left it until 10:30 to contact you suggests he was under the influence of something for sure. Like others have said it’s good you found out now although it probably doesn’t feel like it atm being dressed up and sitting in your car. You can still have a nice day and chill. Do not arrange another meet up with him as he’ll mess you around. You deserve better, you’re not that desperate to accept shitty behaviour.

He sounds like a loser. Don’t give up on all men though.

Just have a lovely time, coffee, brunch, maybe glass of wine, shopping, cinema and relax.

I mean, you've potentially dodged a bullet here, but that doesn't mean you can't feel disappointed or lonely.

Make the most of your time. I'm not going to tell you to 'enjoy being single', you feel how you feel and loneliness is a valid feeling, but make sure you do something nice today.

He's an absolute loser! I'm in my 30s and would not have considered dating someone immature enough to have slept outside after a party - he's not 18, wtf needs to grow up. Dodged a bullet OP, enjoy some time to yourself x

He slept outside, in the streets, after a 'party'?!

I honestly can't think of any reason why anyone of any age group from any background would do such a thing.

Weirdo. And probably a liar too.

I’m really sorry OP. You sound like a lovely person! Too good for him anyway! Sleeping outside after parties at his age, who needs that?!

Am sorry OP, I echo other people's sentiments. His loss and truly, if he's this flaky on first meet up then he's going to be a nightmare going forward. Nobody needs this drama or to make you feel crappy about yourself!

Honestly, go have a little time to yourself. Do a little shopping, treat you and your DD to a little present, just because. Please don't let him bother you for one more second, he doesn't deserve any more headspace.

This

The big thing which is sticking out here to me is you’re resistant to do things without DD, which I get, you want to spend time with her. But maybe you do need some time by yourself or with friends. Her dad is looking after her, he’d do that again.

He’s embarrassed himself beyond belief. Remove him from your phone and get on with your life. Like everyone says, dodged a bullet. Take yourself off somewhere nice then treat DD and yourself to something later. Chin up.

Yes. Probably a liar too and hooked up with someone last night.

That would upset me too. I actually think you’ve been shown his true colours. Throw this one back into the sea! Grab yourself a nice drink and go for a walk and sit on a park bench. Enjoy having some time to yourself. Perhaps you’ll meet someone else this way, but you won’t by sitting at home. Getting ready and going somewhere is good for you.

Awwww I get it, OP. It's the build up. We all do it to an extent. Looking forward and imagining. And now you've had a rude awakening.

Perhaps one day you'll find a lovely man and look back and laugh that you ever gave this loser the time of day. Or perhaps you'll have a lovely single life just with DD and look back and laugh as well.

I hope you find something nice to do today. Sounds like you deserve a break.

@Su1345 I'd still go to the cafe anyway, order something delicious and send him a photo saying "well its your loss I'm afraid as the cakes here are amazing! I have substituted your company for a good book".