Feeling very sorry for myself after being cancelled on

[Su1345]

I’m late 30s, single parent to one dd age 4. I started talking with someone I knew from university, a few months ago. Long story short, we were due to meet today at 11am for a coffee and brunch and he messaged at 10:24 to say he couldn’t make it as he slept outside last night after a party.

Im not so much emotionally hurt as I am just feeling a bit of, i don’t know, sadness? My lovely little girl is with her dad today and he took her out early so I could have time to get ready. It wasn’t an official date but obviously having not met a man one to one like this for years I was reasonably nervous and I took my time getting ready and choosing what to wear. We’ve also had lots of flirty messages and so on. I was on the way when I got the message.

More than anything I just feel a bit shit about the fact I’m almost 40, single and all dressed up with literally no place to go. So I’m sitting in the car for a moment where I’ve pulled over to write this. I can’t work out my feelings, just feel mostly really stupid and my child free time is so precious and I’ve let him his man do this to me.

I think this is exactly the kind of situation the expression ‘dodged a bullet’ was designed for.

I am sorry. Go and have a nice coffee and read a book. Try to enjoy the child free time and relax. He sounds like a loser especially if he really has slept outside after a party. Very disrespectful of your time, too.

Dont feel bad. It’s his loss isn’t it not yours.

That sucks! But take yourself shopping and for a nice lunch or something, whatever you enjoy doing. Make the most of having a bit of time for yourself

He's done you a massive favour. You really don't need anyone like him in your life. Imagine it got serious and he was doing stupid shit like sleeping outside after parties....does he think he's still 18? This won't make you feel better now, but you will look back on it and think that God this never went anywhere!

At least he’s shown you what he’s like before you got invested in him as a potential partner. His loss. Don’t reschedule.

Oh that's just shit. You don't need this person in your life.
Go treat yourself x

He’s an almost 40 year old who slept outside after a party last night. Be glad you found out what a knob he is now before you got involved with him. Do something nice for yourself today if you can x

I would actually message him a version of what you posted. He should know that the fact he doesn't give a spam about letting others down has an impact.

Definitely go and enjoy yourself. Naturally you feel sad but it could have been so much worse. He could have come on the date and you wouldn’t have known this side of him. It could have taken more from you. This way it’s just a brief disappointment.
a lovely book in a park with some good food is what I would do. Have a great day

Just remind yourself that you’re not nearly 40 and woke up late because you slept outside after a party, and be glad of a bullet well dodged. There’s someone much better out there waiting for you, you don’t have to accept this guy just because he’s shown an interest in you. It doesn’t sound like he’d much of a role model or support when it comes to your daughter either.

I’m so sorry. Don’t text him back and don’t give him anymore of your energy. Take yourself for that coffee still and make some fresh air. You deserve better x

Fantastic, he’s revealed himself as someone who presumably has an issue with alcohol to the point that he slept outside after a party.

He probably pissed himself too.

I wouldn’t even respond. Block and move on.

I would feel sad too, feel sad that I invested in this and made an effort and the fuckwit couldn't be bothered to get his shit together and make it on time.
He's not the one for you, such a shame you've wasted some of your child free time. Go for brunch alone, chin up.
You can meet someone else who values your time.

Take yourself out and do something nice.

He sounds like a teenager! Definitely dodged a bullet!

Thanks everyone. I mostly feel stupid for having psyched myself up for it, all my nice make up, time getting ready, so im
all dolled up and just feel silly. I am so so resistant to spending time away from dd so this was a big deal to me to even spend the time. Half of which I have wasted travelling and getting ready. I also don’t understand it, he was so keen to chat the last few months.

I know it’s a lucky escape I just feel so so so silly

Assuming he’s roughly your age, he’s still sleeping outside after a party?! He’s not 18 and at uni anymore! How unattractive.
I can understand why you’re feeling rubbish but could you go out for lunch or a coffee or something? Enjoy your child free time and don’t give the man child another thought.

Yes he’s 39

Take yourself out for lunch and do whatever you want this afternoon. Find a quiet spot to read a book, go to the cinema or whatever you fancy.

Your effort would have been wasted on such a man.

Block him and forget him. No man worth having finds himself sleeping outside after a party when he's approaching 40.

You can still go to the coffee & brunch! Don’t waste the day and don’t let him take that away from you. Presumably you’ve not taken a book or anything but you could sit and people watch, use your phone to browse SM/MN/holiday for next year perhaps?

I’d still go!

You have absolutely zilch to feel silly about. Him on the other hand …….

He's a grade A prick.
Slept outside after a party
I didn't manage that once and I was a mentalist teens ,20s..speed,E,LSD,mushrooms ,hash xxx downers ,coke,drink

Wow. He sounds awful, OP. I can understand the deflation, but please absorb what you have learned about him – he’s an immature, inconsiderate twat. You don’t want to waste your time on anyone like that, especially not at the extent of your daughter.

Thanks for the posts ❤️ he’s not even responded to my message. I just said I was on the way but noted.

I’ve been so let down by men all my life and I have a great job and great life with dd… I just wonder what I was thinking even remotely considering investing a brunch in someone. I was excited about it, that’s what im embarrassed about I think

So do I. He sounds flaky. Your feelings are totally understandable, but maybe try to see them as an indication of how high you set the bar: you want someone reliable, mature, trustworthy, someone who will appreciate that you made an effort and dressed up. Sounds like he is still living like a teenager.

Please don't rearrange with him or continue to flirt with him. Leave all your ime and attention free for someone worth meeting.

Why not go for a coffee anyway and do something nice for yourself - haircut or nails or new dress, or go to a gallery.